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Saturday, March 06, 2010

After All, Wine Does Come In Red And White, So It's Pretty Patriotic Already...

You know, I'm just flabbergasted by all the uproar and falderal about this Tea Party bullshit. Now there's a Coffee Party that was started on that most serious of all political forums, Facebook, and while I respect all exercises of The Democratic Process, I still think both of them are missing the boat. They really have no clear agenda or goals, and neither one is willing to be completely organized or take ownership of anything.

Well, Dept. Readers, you know what that means. Time for me to step into the breach and start bossing people around. I'm starting my own movement and I'm calling it The Wine Tasting. Here's what we're about: restoring civility, couth, intelligence, and authentic leadership to America and American Government. Period.

The Wine Tasting will not take pride in being a vast, decentralized movement/network of militiamen, conspiracy theorists, birthers, cultish Wal*Mart shoppers, gun-toters, and scooter-riding wrinklies on Medicare who maintain they want the Government to keep its hands off their healthcare, or people who think that being a mom/waving at foreign countries qualifies you to hold high government office.

In short, wackos.

Rather, The Wine Tasting will be a highly organized and elite (not a dirty word!) group with a carefully selected membership with an actual leader who will be responsible for its actions and influence. For the time being, as the Founder And Originator of The Wine Tasting, I volunteer to be its first...Host.

And, as Host, I propose the following rules be adopted immediately:
1. There are no "rallies." All Wine Tasting events are billed as just that: Wine Tasting Events.
Example: A Wine Tasting Event will be held on Saturday 6 March at the (insert name of pleasant indoor venue here) in support of the candidacy of _________."
2. All Wine Tasting Events are held indoors.
3. There will be an Official Spelling And Grammar Checker for any signs, placards, pamphlets, etc. and no signs may have illustrations or pictures of any kind.
4. Guests and Members must wear appropriate dress--business casual, minimum--to all meetings/Events. Men will never, ever wear hats.
5. Members of The Wine Tasting must prove that they read more than just the TV Guide, People magazine, and the Twilight series of teen novels. Subscription to at least one newspaper is required.
6. Potential Members will be asked to take an impromptu quiz with no Googling privileges. Questions may include, but are not limited to the following:
A. Which American historical document contains the famous phrase "We the people..."?
B. How many sitting federal Supreme Court justices are there?
C. Which Constitutional Amendment gave women the right to vote?
D. Did your state go republican or Democrat in the presidential election of 2008?
E. Under what circumstances did there become both a North and a South Korea?
7. Members must be registered voters.
8. Host reserves the right to disinvite any Member of The Wine Tasting if said Member displays or advocates any behavior that is embarrassing to or contrary to the organization.

So far, that's what I've got. I'm still working on it all, but I know you'll help me out in Comments. After all, if a Facebook group is going to try to save us, the least the Dept. can do is step up and further refine the process.

17 comments:

  1. Oops! I forgot to identify myself properly in the "removed by author" comment above! Second try:

    I'm in! But can I join the Facebook Coffee Party, too? Their mission statement sounds like they're in favor of civility, elitism, and rational discourse also. I'm just concerned that their meetings are going to be kinda jumpy and run on way into the night. It would take me a week to get over one Coffee House, but I think I can handle frequent Wine Tastings back-to-back. I've been practicing.

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  2. Love it! I imagine that all invites will be hand delivered on the finest stationery. ; )

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  3. ha ha ha, brilliant! I love the spell and grammar checking on the signs!

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  4. Heather--Thanks. I believe in presenting The Right Image at all times, and there is nothing that irks me more than someone broadcasting his ignorance with a poorly spelled or worded sign. It would reflect badly upon us all, you know.

    Anali--In the interest of efficiency, probably not. We would have to bow to expediency, I'm afraid, but rest assured that all Invitations would be perfectly spelled and of the most correct grammar and punctuation. ;-)

    The Other Nance--Yes, you can, but we are not going to strive to be "in the middle." We will also not revel in being "grassroots and unorganized." If there is anything I simply cannot tolerate, it is disorganization. Also, the word "unorganized."

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  5. May a Canadian join? I will bring a maple moose (oops, sorry, mousse) and leave my scooter at home. After all, your politics have more effect on Canada than our politics.

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  6. Here, here! I'll drink to that! However, Dreamcoat will need to wear his touk at all meetings for the sake of decorum. You do understand, of course.

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  7. What do you have against hats? What about a nice fedora?

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  8. J.--I have little against fedoras, but since all Events are held INDOORS, men must, as dictated by Good Etiquette, be Hatless.

    Karen Schlesinger--Taking into consideration D.'s Special Circumstance, if he needs to wear it, then that's fine, but certainly the Latest Men's Fashions embrace the "less hirsute look." LOL.

    Mary G--I cannot imagine that you, Ever The Intrepid, are scooter-dependent. And when I refer to the scooter-riding wrinklies, I use the term as a dismissive pejorative to indicate those who eschew Government-Run Healthcare, yet are cluelessly sucking at its teat whilst zipping along on said Medicaid-paid scooters in a paranoid haze of FAUX News mania and Geritol since they have nothing better to do. (Sigh. Was that harsh?) But, yes, you may join; you know how I adore Canadians, Canada, and especially anything maple-y. Good heavens, if Apolo Anton Ohno were Canadian as well, I'd probably faint right now. (He's just cute, period.)

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  9. My only quibble is with Rule #2. Mightn't we reserve the right to hold the occasional event outdoors if the weather is just right and bugs are controlled? There's just something so calming and delightful about drinking wine on a terrace or patio on a beautiful day.

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  10. S.--Welcome to the Dept. and thanks for commenting! You must be a fairly new reader, or else you would know why #2 exists. And Here is where you can sneak over and find out why. Just scan the part that is germane, but basically, I think you and I both know that there is never, ever, EVER such a thing as "the weather being just right and the bugs being controlled." Oh,ha ha. If only. And remember, we are just called The Wine Tasting. Certainly serving wine cannot be a "given." We don't wish to lose control or give anyone the impression that we are not serious about our Mission or our Politics.

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  11. You can have meetings here in Northern California outside, in the spring or autumn, when the weather is INDEED just right, and we have very low humidity and thus very few bugs. I would suggest spring, as everything is green then, vs. autumn, when everything is brown.

    I'll serve wine, of course, mandatory or not.

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  12. J.@jj--Oh, but wind. I do so hate the wind. Sorry, but I am immoveable on the Indoor Thing. Don't do bugs, don't do wind, don't do Non-Climate Control. We became civilized and started putting roofs on stuff at that point. Why on earth go backward?

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  13. OK Nance, how do you feel about a nice meal eaten al fresco, perhaps in front of a lovely Parisian bistro? (OK, maybe not IN Paris, because there might be excess cigarette smoke...but in Napa? CA cuisine, with wine and stable tables and just the slightest breeze? I'll buy...

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  14. I am writing this with one eye closed ---the left lens popped out of my glasses & it's all blurry. Since I can see only out of my right eye, does that mean I have to start leaning right? Or maybe I just need a paperclip as a temporary fix to become a total geek.

    I want to join the wine-tasting group ---just my cup of tea ---er, scratch that cliché.

    I want to know where the tea baggers --- who are so against increasing government debt ---were when W and the GOP were increasing our national debt at a phenomenal rate? I guess they are only for fiscal responsibility when the Dems are in office.

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  15. CJ--I'm sure you've read the several articles that have been published recently regarding the phenomenon of people who simply refuse to believe facts and stubbornly cling to their own perceptions of reality, baseless as they may be. It's the stuff Conspiracy Theorists are made of and while it used to be a fringe element, now it's gone frighteningly mainstream and is the stock and trade of people like S. Palin and R. Limbaugh and all the blind sheeple like these teabaggers and birthers. Horrifying.

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  16. Nance, Yes I have indeed read about the phenomenon. Apparently the more facts that demonstrate they are wrong, the more the "true believers" dig in their heels and believe what they choose to believe. Since newspapers are dying and most people have a zillion channels to watch, and the internet can promote any belief, true or false, people are only reading, watching, or surfing what they want to hear. The polarization in this country is frightening. Someone sent an email a while ago about the blue states seceding from the red states. It was meant to be humorous, but it wasn't that farfetched.

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Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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