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Sunday, May 03, 2009

Of Fate, Fifty, Daniel Day-Lewis, And The Vagaries Of Faith

Every once in a while, the Fates conspire in a vast...conspiracy against me. "Ha ha," they chortle gleefully. "Let's remind Nance that Life is far beyond her silly, futile, grasping efforts at Control! Does she really think that at age fifty she can sail along with no gales of difficulty? That she can look forward to a sunny horizon with calm seas and starry nights, her course clearly charted ahead? If she does, she would be very sadly mistaken."

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Daniel Day-Lewis. Or what is left of him. I know. I'll give you a minute.

...

This is one of the most painful moments of my Life. I hardly know where to begin. It's not like I haven't been through this before, you know. I've discussed Daniel Day-Lewis's...appearance issues ad nauseum. He's so Hard To Love/Be Obsessed With, you know? Oh, sure, he's had his moments, and I've stuck by him. Yet...geeze. I mean, look at him. He's only 52. I have no problem with anyone embracing his grey hair; I applaud anyone for defying the movie star pressures of the Youth Movement, but can he not find a decent hairstylist? That haircut looks downright institutional. And as my Readers can undoubtedly surmise, what cuts deepest is that tie. What a horror it is. It looks like something made from a remnant of fabric from a transvestite parody of Spamalot. Aqua shirt, black sportcoat, purple chainmail tie...what a complete and total devastation compared to the sexy splendor that was this:

I'm just saying.

Oh, that's not fair, you say. That picture is of a character in a movie. And it's almost 20 years ago. Give the guy a break!

Shut up. I most certainly will not. This man has the wherewithal to look eleventy times better than he does. There is no reason for that tie. Or that haircut. And certainly no reason for continually disappointing me. I have had it with you, Daniel Day-Lewis. From now on, I am going to be shallow and vapid. I am going to chase pretty little dilettantes instead of you and your towering talent. You leave me no choice.

DoN readers, proffer me a new Candidate for Obsession in comments. I'm ready to chase after someone pretty who is worthy of my love. Besides, DD-L's newest film is a musical. Ugh.

19 comments:

  1. Anonymous7:33 PM

    Try Connor Trinneer. Fine actor, extremely pleasant to look at.

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  2. I'm right there with you! How far the mighty have fallen! I cannot reconcile this picture with the older one.

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  3. Nance, this is a pretty hard assignment. Ralph Fiennes, sometimes. A agree with Colin Firth. I've always had sort of a thing for Patrick Stewart.

    Hair? Surely ambushed in his sleep. The tie looks like a jr. member of the family's first attempt at knitting. And what's with the retro Diplomat glasses?

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  4. some quick math here:

    1. you are also older than you were.
    2. you have a slight sprinkling of gray as well. and your hair is shorter than it was when you first fell in love with him.
    3. you also have quite a few different pairs of retro glasses.

    he has certainly not aged as gracefully as you ahve, but alas, when one looks at the similarities in the process, one cannot help but wonder why and how you are still not enamoured with him.

    just sayin'

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  5. He still "cleans up pretty good." We just need to find him a movie where he is required to look elegant. I think he should play Jonathan Pine, the lead in The Night Manager.

    I'm afraid that you will have to start crushing on George Clooney, if you require good looks, snappy clothes and talent. If you want to hit cougar territory, I got nuthin'.

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  6. And what's wrong with musicals? I love musicals. Hugh Jackman (there's an idea) is working on Carousel, one of the world's great works of art.

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  7. Ortizzle11:25 PM

    For someone around the same age range who has a far more appealing look, I like this guy:
    http://tinyurl.com/csrwdvHe also makes me crease up with laughter.

    * * * * * * * * *

    (happy belated birthday, i feel so rotten that i forgot)

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  8. Me.

    Just kidding.

    Maybe...

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  9. Clearly, DD-L is better off when he has a movie crew "outfitting" him (at least there's logic and a greater theme involved). I'm afraid we can all offer suggestions, but I'm betting none will appeal and you'll have to find your own man. Sorry, Nance--this reincarnation of DD-L is certainly not the BD present you deserve. Hopefully, you'll be able to find and focus on a new man and put this incident (well, years ... the bad ones anyway) behind you.

    Shirley

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  10. Nancy5:29 PM

    Nance,

    Someone said recently that George Clooney was the Last Movie Star. I agree!

    Some of these "stars" look good only when dressed and coached by a competent director. Clooney must direct himself and obviously DDL does not.

    I learned this many years ago when I saw Dr Zhivago. I thought Julie Christie was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.An intelligent and striking woman. UNTIL I saw her as Julie Christie on Johnny Carson one night. She came out in a terrible dress, unkempt hair and makeup and with absolutely nothing to say that made sense.

    That's when I figured out that unless they had a part to play and a director to tell them how to dress and what to say, they were pretty uninspiring.

    Just look at the way they travel. You see them in airports all the time looking like tramps. Baseball caps and jeans with holes in them.

    I really didn't mean to go into this tirade, Nance, but I have thought about this before and never had an outlet for my feelings until you brought the subject up and now I can't stop.

    Happy Birthday,Nance. Here's a thought that might cheer you up. I am 80 years old. Want to trade? I will say this to you. The years from 50 to 80 were the best of all...You'll see.

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  11. Yes, I know. I feel the same way about Harrison Ford. Although I don't notice his neckware. But you DO have a tie fetish, as I recall, and that IS a rather hideous piece of fabric around his neck. But back to HF for a moment...what in the heck is he doing with Calista Flockhart? And what kind of a name is that, anyway?

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  12. I have a dish towel that looks a LOT like that tie...and now that I think of it, I think there might be a tie shaped cutout in it...dang.

    I like DDL in The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Esp if I read the book first, and THEN watch it. Hummana.

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  13. How about you start crushing on Gilles Marini? He. Is. Hot. AND you can see him naked whenever you want just by wathcing Sex and the City, the movie.

    There is always Brad Pitt, he's yummy too, right? Or you only like him with long hair?

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  14. Nina--Never heard of him, don't care for SatC, and he has no hair. Brad Pitt--can't separate him from A. Jolie, so forget it. But thanks for trying.

    J.@jj--Oh, sigh. Don't try and suck me back in to DD-L. He's so disappointing ALL THE TIME! And that tie...how COULD HE! It's like he does it TO ME ON PURPOSE.

    Melissa B--Oh, I have had my crush time with Harrison. I actually had a series of HF dreams at one time. He's a real shit in person, from what I can gather in interviews and from people who I "know" who have met him/worked on the fringes with him. So sad. And I totally agree about Calista. Ick.

    Nancy--I know, I know. I once heard actors described as "meat puppets." I get it. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. LOL. And I'm not worried about being 50, really. I just want life to be more settled, I guess. I thought things would be smoother. WHY CAN'T MY LIFE BE PERFECT AND WHY CAN'T PEOPLE ALWAYS DO WHAT I WANT THEM TO?

    Shirley--You already know me so well. I probably do have to wait for someone to strike my fancy, as they say, but I've had flings on and off with others, but no one has come close to garnering the devotion that DD-L had. Sigh. HE IS SO UNWORTHY.

    Mikey--I love you, you know that, but "not in that way." LOL.

    Ortizzle--He's cute, but I don't want a funny guy. And don't feel bad about forgetting. Why would you even remember? No big deal.

    Nancy in A2--He's too old by far for Night Manager now, but he would have been totally perfect. I like Clooney, but it's just not the same. I even like his politics, but you above ALL people know how it is: the old magic. and as far as musicals. ICK. They are too fakey for me. Hate them.

    JPD--you are very ungracious, first of all. second, i said in my post that the grey is NOT the issue. HE LOOKS TERRIBLE. his haircut is awful. he dresses outlandishly. he can look much better. i did not dis his glasses. I JUST WANT HIM TO LOOK BETTER LIKE HE DID IN THE POST I LINKED TO. SIGH. HE CAN!

    sputnik--colin firth sometimes, yes. but sometimes he just looks so average. not dashing and byronic like DD-L COULD/SHOULD. Fiennes...gorgeous eyes, but he has a coldish look a lot of the time. but he does have the brit thing, which is a big plus.

    V-Grrrl--I think Colin Firth's problem, for me, is that he just doesn't look...ethereal enough. I have a thing for that. Most of my men are kinda...pretty? I know.

    apathy lounge--it's just not fair, is it?

    Anonymous--oh. no. that guy is SO not my type. not even close.

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  15. Nance,He's the hot guy on Dancing With the Stars!!!And he's got medium length hair, give him a chance!!!!

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  16. "Why would I even remember?" Are you forgetting who brought it to your attention that B.W. is a mere few days younger than you? Which makes me wonder: how cute would HE be with long hair?

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  17. Nance, I'm not sure that lightning can strike twice. Hell, I didn't even want to watch LOTM when hubbo brought it home. By the canoe ride down the rapids, I was hyperventilating. How can that happen again? I think 'Nine' will be deliberately fakey, so maybe you can watch it. If all else fails, watch Newland Archer chew. That should restore your belief in civilized behavior.

    Have you ever noticed that Ben Stiller looks like DDL's goofy brother?

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  18. Nancy in A2--I know what you mean. There will never again be the magic of Hawkeye, but he's given up so easily. I haven't seen AoI in ages. I'm due for another viewing, but I only have an old VHS copy, and I've broken up with Netflix. We just didn't use it often enough to justify it.

    Ben Stiller = the Cro-Magnon DD-L

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