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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Sigh. Life's Little Tragedies


Is it too much to ask that I be happy? Is it too much to ask that my life be smooth, uninterrupted bliss? That things be hunky-dory? That a smile be my umbrella? That, instead of clouds, I skip and go directly to silver linings?

Well, apparently.

For instance:

Is there not a single decent unscented "invisible" antiperspirant? Because I have been looking for it for a year now. I am weary of white marks on my clothing. When I did find a clear gel that was okay, it actually bleached my colored tops under the arms! All the Dove brand that guarantee to be invisible (look! we can wear our tops on inside-out!) are scented. I don't want to smell like my deodorant. I want to smell like my cologne. Where is my perfect, unscented, invisible, non-damaging antiperspirant? WHERE IS IT?

I lost one disposable contact. Now I have one more rightie than I do leftie. Forever. I will never get back in sync. When my six-month prescription is done and I must re-up, I will have an extra rightie. I'm trying to stretch out this pair, but my one eye is getting all blurry and crappy and icky and I really need to switch it out, but it's not time for the other. It's all very annoying and upsetting. I like to keep things even and symmetrical at all times whenever possible. You should see me try to keep the dining room rug straight all day. Oh. my. god.

The meatloaf pan did not come completely clean in the dishwasher. This irritates me to no end. I mean, I have a DISHWASHER. The whole point of a "dishwasher" is for IT to wash the dishes. If I have to then handwash something when it comes out of the dishwasher, what is the convenience of that? Back in the old days, before I was forced into the position of modeling good behavior for my personal children, I would have let that sucker ride in there for as many loads as it took for it to come clean. (I think the record for a coffee cup that Rick let fester in his workshop was like, maybe, twelve times. At that point, we ended up tossing it.) But my point, and I do still have one, is this: It is the dishwasher's job to wash the dishes. That is what I paid for it to do. I don't think that is too much to ask.

This weather sucks. We were in a drought for the entire summer. Up until this past weekend, when we moved Jared into college. It rained--no, it poured, continuously the entire time we moved all 6 cartons, refrigerator, microwave, rolling cart, television stand, and miscellaneous stuff into his dormitory tower. It was freezing and wet and miserable. It has continued to rain here in the top tier of Ohio. My fish can pretty much swim over the rim of their pond, check out my basil and tomatoes in the garden, and come knocking on my back door. I go back to work at The Rock on Friday, at which time the rain will be replaced with sizzling 90 degree temperatures and Amazonian humidity. Of. Course. Shoot me now.

Ah, well. "Only through adversity do we become strong." Who said that, anyway? Right now, I wanna smack him. I say, "Bitch a little, wallow a lot, then move on." Or is it, "Bitch a lot, wallow a little...?" Whatever.

20 comments:

  1. I like the dove powder. I find that it doesn't interfear with any other scent I may want to wear. Give it a chance :)

    Just throw the extra contact away. It's not worth the hassle of being asymmetrical for the rest of your life.

    Thanks for mentioning meatloaf. I think that is what I'll make for dinner.

    This weather is stupid. Just plain stupid. My back yard looks like a swamp and the dogs are getting restless because I won't let them out there to play. But I'm sure you're right, it'll dry up and get hot just in time for school.

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  2. I didn't know the gel deodorants bleach your clothes??? I just started trying them (Secret Brand)! I think Mitchum has an unscented line, and it works really well...but I do like Dove Powder though!

    I agree with Nina on the contact...that would drive me totally bananas!!! That's why I just keep wearing my glasses...I can't deal with that kind of stuff!

    I HAVE a dishwasher and don't use it for that very reason! People always said it was the detergent I use...I've tried many!!! I also rinse the dishes before putting them in...it just STILL does NOT clean to my level of satisfaction!

    Yeah, the Danube River as we know it was in my parking lot today...stupid rain!!!

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  3. Yes, this weather does suck! Ugh. I hope that moving Jared in went well other than the rain!

    And I agree, toss out the extra. Not worth the mental tension.

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  4. I hate the commercials that say a particular detergent gets out baked on caked on food... when it doesn't. I use regular Secret and haven't noticed any marks on my clothing. I also have been known to wear only one contact for a week just to keep them even when I lose one. Stay away from me on the road.

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  5. My parents have a new dishwasher where you don't have to pre-rinse, but they paid about two thousand for it. Apparently you gotta shell out the bucks to not pre-rinse.

    And I love the Dove deoderants, although I use the cucumber and green tea one. I don't know that it exudes an interfering scent, not too many people get that close to my armpits anyway. Well, get that close and survive.

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  6. nina--i could never throw away a contact. i'm too cheap and it just seems wasteful. and i'm glad The Dept. could help with your meal planning!

    tera--BEWARE. i think it was mitchum for women that did the bleaching. also, i rinse before putting dishes in, but you know how meatloaf is. even with a good soak, there will be some stuff you have to hope for the best when you toss it in the machine. i'm absolutely NOT going to pre-WASH, too.

    jenomena--yes, all else went fine with the move. just wet and cold.

    mrs. grumpy--i wear the "bifocal" contacts, i.e., nearsighted in one eye, far in the other. not a good idea for me to go with just one. yikes. oh, and plain Secret also just does not "get the job done" in the summer for me. ahem.

    gina--i saw in my paper on Sunday that now one of the deodorant companies is actually strengthening their scents to last all day, like a perfume. they want to be both a deodorant and a cologne. sigh. what is the civilized world coming to when a lady cannot have her signature scent?

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  7. Dry Idea.

    I too have an uneven number of contact lenses. I hide the extra in a drawer for emergencies because I can't bear to look at it everyday.

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  8. I need to just call you. I'll be doing that sometime soon.

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  9. I'm in the same situation with MY contacts!! It would be funny if it weren't so annoying, huh?

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  10. scarlet--hmmm...i used to use dry idea. i'll try it again.

    i.h.--"need?" yikes. i hope it's "need" in a good way. just don't wake me early, my dear.

    girlanddog--i think there ought to be some sort of grace program, like a free replacement with each prescription. doesn't that sound fair?

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  11. I'm not sure where the antipersperant is that you're looking for, but here's a thought: if the other stuff bleaches your clothing... what's it doing to your underarms?!

    I like to keep things even and symmetrical, too. This drives everyone around me totally nuts.

    My dishwasher is overpaid, too. But, it is also new and beautiful and it drains. And doesn't leave a film all over everything.

    Can't help you with the weather. In June and July, we had about 58 days of rain. Big, bad, thunderstorm, flood-the-streets rain. But it wasn't freezing and I wasn't moving a kid into a dorm. Good luck back at The Rock on Friday. You know how very much I empathize, Nance. :-))

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  12. ortizzle--I know, dear, I know. And, I hope you noticed that, even though I'm done with Alaska, I am still linking to "vintage" posts. Hey, did you get my bit of Alaska via email?

    Oh, and I'm all done freezing. It is tropical here now. My A/C is cranking. Typical Ohio.

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  13. Aw, gee, Pluto. There is just no way they can kick it out of the planet line up. As you so rightly say, we can't very well be left with "My Very Elegant Mother Just Served Us Nine ----." (Or I suppose we would have to say that she served noodles or something, LOL.

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  14. Oh, no. Not bad need. It's just been way too long.

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  15. I thought I was the only one having weird deodorant issues. I spent nine dollars on that new super duper Dove deodorant. Or was it Secret? Anyway, it was no different than any other that costs six dollars less. I returned it with no guilt whatsoever. So annoying...

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  16. I tried Mitchum. Effective, si (if it EVER dries). Clear, si. But the gel? Slimy and gross, and makes the hem of your shirt stick to you on the way down, like fly paper. Then you have to do a grotesque tangle-dance. Sigh.

    I've done that asymmetrical lens thing, and discovered that if I waited long enough and saved the rogue extras I would come out "even" eventually. But such a pain to find out under duress that the surplus side is not the one you want.

    I thoroughly commend your center of calm in handling the college move. When that day comes for my eldest, someone will find me floating face down in a vat of Valium.

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  17. Ortizzle--Later, the mnemonic of My Very Elegant Mother Just Served Us Nachos surfaced. I find it serviceable but not satisfying. I mourn Pluto often.

    i.h.--please flatter me and say, "I always need to talk to you. My life is a gaping black void of nothingness without you." Or something like that.

    anali--sigh. tomorrow, when I return to The Rock in horrid rainforest conditions, it will test the mettle of whatever new deodorant i purchase today. Yes, today is The Quest For My New Deodorant. Walgreen's is NOT READY.

    sputnik--oh, thank you. but remember, jared is 22. he was a...Late Bloomer. we had him here doing a junior college thing for a while. all of us were ready, and these days with cell phones and email and instant messenger...it's almost like he's not really gone, just always at class and work.

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  18. What happened over here? The layout is different?!

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  19. Yes, thanks for noticing, and I hope it isn't too traumatic. I finally totally switched to "New Blogger" which meant that my template had to change a little. It's more stretched out, which is kind of nice, but I lost some of the custom colors I had mixed and also some of the finer tweaks and formatting. BUT--now I can do the sidebar Tie Report much more easily, add sidebar elements more quickly and efficiently, and have my archive take up less space. I'm open to any suggestions from anyone regarding colors and layout, so feel free. I want it to be a pleasant space to read.

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  20. Still giggling about the fish visiting your tomato and basil and knocking on the back door. It reminds me of the visual you once provided of the basement throwing up onto the lawn.

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