Saturday, February 19, 2022

Ray

The other day Rick was looking outside and remarked, "Wow.  Look at those clouds. What an ominous sky."

I immediately smiled and corrected him, "It's pronounced om-nee-us. It's an omnious sky."

He chuckled.  "Right. Omnious. How could I forget?"

"Well, you can, but I can't. Ray said I'd never forget him, and that kid was right. Every single time I hear the word Ominous, I think of him, smile, and silently pronounce it Omnious. I loved that kid."

Ray was a student in my Creative Writing class many years ago. He was skinny, almost wraithlike, with platinum blonde hair that he wore just below his ears. His skin was pale and his eyes were large and blue behind his glasses. He had a sort of bug-like look about him, but in an endearing sort of way. His smile was large and easy, and he was thrilled to be in a Creative Writing class. When he found out that all the writing was to be read aloud, he was a bit leery, but upon hearing assurances that each writer first got a round of applause, then positive comments before one constructive critique, his concerns were settled.

As it usually happens in CW, the students formed partners or small groups among themselves. Most often, these turn out to be writing critique/help associations, and not based upon friendships. I individualized instruction in the form of one-on-one conferences at my desk during class time, so students found the groups/partnerships to be extremely valuable.

Ray, who was into Wicca and Native American spiritualism, and had recently come out (very difficult back in the 90s--he helped found our school's Gay Student Union), chose as his critique partner Nathan. I sat back and waited for...I don't know what. But something, certainly.

Nathan was joining our huge, diverse urban high school after being homeschooled for his entire life.  He was a fundamentalist Christian who always had his Bible with him. He was very quiet and from a big family. Creative Writing was already quite a jolt, I was sure, and Ray had to be a living, breathing Culture Shock for him. 

Those two, however, got along famously. Ray was so kind and gentle, and he was so accepting and tolerant that he could get along with anyone. He once confided in me that his father had no idea what to make of him, and that he had little in common with his own family; he loved school where he could be himself and be around all the people he really liked. 

One day Nathan admitted that it was difficult for him to work in CW class because it was often a bit chatty and he couldn't concentrate. Ray asked if we could have one day a week where we worked in silence, except for my conferences. I immediately said yes, and that we would even call it Nathan Day. And so we did.

Ray ended up truly enjoying reading his work aloud. He got quite good at it, and often became very dramatic. In CW2, which was the poetry semester, the students had to write a sonnet. When Ray came up to read his aloud, he took a moment at the lectern to compose himself, then made a sweeping gesture with his hand as he intoned in a deep and un-Ray voice :  The omnious horizon loomed ahead--

And I almost lost it. Almost. Omnious. Honestly, I can't remember if I corrected him later, during critique, or if I just corrected him on the paper or what, but bless his heart, I will never forget that as long as I live.

At the end of the year, Ray gave me his photo. On the back he wrote a great many nice things about me and our time together. At the bottom he wrote, "You'll never forget me." I remember when I read it, I chuckled at its confident assurance. I also thought it was just like Ray--most people would say, "I'll never forget you," but not Ray. Even now, I'm smiling and shaking my head.

He was right, of course. I've never forgotten him. I've no idea where he is now or what he's doing (of course, I hope he's writing), but I bet he's remembered fondly by many, many more people than just his Creative Writing teacher. 

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39 comments:

  1. Thank you for this lovely story. And maybe it will turn out that I never forget Ray and omnious either. (My grandfather was named Ray so now I can remember 2 Rays.)

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    1. kayT--I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Ray deserves to be remembered, not in the same pantheon as your grandfather Ray for you, but because of his fun and sweet soul. And, naturally, Omnious.

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  2. I loved reading about Ray.

    I have 3 students that really have stuck in my mind all these years. One came to a bad end (jailed for murder), one has died (he had Down's Syndrome, was deaf and did not speak. His heart gave out way too young.), and the other? Well, I don't know. He was in my Individual Help class two days a week for one semester and then his family moved away. They moved every few months. That kid will always be in my heart. For all his difficulties in class, he was just the hardest worker and an all around sweet kid. I hope he's out there having a great life.

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    1. Dee--So many students stay with us, don't they? I think of them at odd moments, and the things that bring them back to me are myriad and varied. Like you, the memories are bittersweet.

      Also like you, I hope my formers are out there having a great life with minimal struggles. There are so many of them!

      I'm happy that you enjoyed meeting the unforgettable Ray.

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  3. Nance - I loved this post! I'm not surprised you haven't forgotten him; as he sounds like a VERY memorable person. I also imagine that you have many that are brought to mind as random things make you remember.

    And I hope that the ominous weather has cleared out.

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    1. Gigi--I'm so glad you enjoyed this post. Ray continues to make an impression all these years later. And yes, it's surprising how often I think of my former students for one reason or another. They were an important part of my life, and I loved teaching.

      The Omnious weather continues here with snow on the ground since the first week of January. It's been a brutal winter, and I'm fighting my SAD. At least there is sun today, but high winds are icy.

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  4. That's a wonderful sentiment to write on the back of a photo. I've never taken a creative writing course, but if I ever do I hope I have Ray's confidence.

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    1. Ally--Ray had the rare mixture of confidence and generosity. He was a terrific kid to have in CW.

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  5. Love this Nance! When I first started reading I thought to myself - wait, have I been saying and spelling this word wrong my whole life, lol. I didn't actually go check but read on and really enjoyed the story. I always love when you tell us about your experiences with the students and it always brings back memories of my years working in the high school as well. I loved those kids and there are many I will never forget either. This world needs more teachers like you!

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    1. Martha--Thank you for such kind words here. Did you really doubt yourself re: the word Ominous? Too funny.

      I miss working with highschoolers--they kept me up on pop culture and slang. They made me laugh every single day. They also made me work on Patience and controlling my language! Every day was different, which wasn't always a Good Thing, but it kept me fresh and ready. I know you understand.

      In the current situation, I don't wish myself back into the classroom or the spin of things at all. In any way. Back in 2011 when I left, my career had already changed negatively, so much so that it was easy for me to retire. Eleven years later, I have nothing but admiration and sympathy for today's teachers.

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  6. Maybe you can remember your students, which is truly awesome, but I, as a student, have great memories ( and won't forget ) of some of my teachers throughout my schooling. There is something special.

    Thanks to Ray and his talent you've shared an omnious blog post.

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    1. Anni--Oh, I have truly wonderful memories of so many of my teachers as well. I loved school--not junior high, but that place was scary--but I can name all my favourite teachers throughout my life. Luckily, I've had the opportunity in several cases to be able to see them and tell them so.

      I hope you have, too. I can tell you from experience that it means so, so much, and that the warm glow from that lasts for days.

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  7. What a lovely story for a Sunday morning...or any morning! I remember someone who pronounced ceramic as cramic! Occasionally I will use the word cramic.

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    1. Vera--Thank you. I'm glad to see you here, and hope you're feeling much better!

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  8. My great niece teaches high school advanced creative writing and Honors English classes. She loves it and I think the students must love it too. Last year during the pandemic she had them writing old fashioned snail mail letters and she'd reply.

    I love how you had your critics set up so that positive comments were required before one constructive comment was given. With art and writing critics both are very hard to receive.

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    1. Jean--That's exactly what I was teaching before I retired. It was a wonderful schedule.

      It's a big deal for kids to read their own work aloud, period. When we first start out, I read everyone's work aloud for them. Then we move to each writer reading their own work.

      I found that having the class applaud everyone's work first thing made everyone feel comfortable and accepted. And knowing that each person would have a positive comment (written down and ready) also made them feel confident for the constructive criticism. I also urged students not to preface criticism with "I didn't like"; rather, they should say, "I felt that" or ask why the writer made the choice they did with a certain word or phrase. Often, I'd only ask for a few criticisms and then ask the writers if they wanted to hear more; surprisingly, they often did and would call on people themselves.

      CW was always a very close-knit group, and I worked to build a lot of trust. That class, I miss the most of all.

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  9. I really wish I'd had you as a teacher in high school! I don't know if we even offered CW (of course this was a NC school out in the country in 1979...). I would have loved it! On the other hand, it might have made me think I could major in English which I think would have been a mistake (although my accounting major might also have been a mistake - who even knows?).

    I loved reading about Ray - I'd like more of these vignettes please!

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    1. Bug--What a nice thing to say! CW was a single class offering, and I wrote the curriculum for it, and while I was at my high school, its sole instructor. Once I left, sadly, it did too.

      I'm glad you enjoyed this story about Ray. Have you been with me since 2015? I've written a great deal about my teacher life and my kids since I started this blog. When I think about a student (such as Jeremy, my J entry for the ABC Series), I often write about him/her if I can't shake the memory or think it will make a good post here. We'll see if any more come up.

      Maybe you could find a CW course online or at a community college--is there one nearby? It could be fun and a new challenge for you as you discover different vehicles for your writing voice.

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  10. Great story Nance!

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  11. What used to get to me even more was 'liberry' for library. Mrs G. raises voice. Mrs G raises both hands over head. Mrs G weeps sadly into her chalk eraser.
    There are always students whom you love to remember. I had a group who, when given free rein to do a project on A Tale of Two Cities, constructed a guillotine and decapitated a doll with it, complete with detailed descriptions. It was a fine, to scale model. The woodworking class teacher was lurking outside my door as the guys went into their act as he had helped them research it.
    Yes, she said. Teaching can be fun.

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    1. Mary--Oh, I didn't mind that he mispronounced the word one bit. I just found it so funny because he did it in such a dramatic way and in the first line of his poem. It totally clunked and ruined the tone of the poem for me. I worked hard to keep from giggling.

      Your guillotine group sound quite entertaining. There are always the overachievers, aren't there? Bless them; they put the posterboard set quite to shame.

      Teaching is fun, heartbreaking, annoying, uplifting, and many times all those things in the same hour. Even with the same student. What a career it was.

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    2. I get the clunk. I got it at home as well because my father was one of the 'liberry' crew and it drove my teacher mother completely nuts. I only pronounced it that way once in her hearing. Nuclear fallout would have been less stressful.
      Inappropriate laughter a specialty here. I never had the chance to teach creative writing. Wish I had had.

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  12. I love it when you share your days as an educator. Ray sounds like an amazing young man (then) and I can only imagine the adult he is now. Could you maybe look him up? For us? ☺️

    You are the teacher that I needed so badly in school, but sadly, never experienced. I love how you taught your students so openly to what their needs were. Kudos to you my friend.

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    1. Suz--Ray was unique and fun to have in class. I'm sorry, but I won't be looking him up. I'm not on any social media, and that's by choice. Can you imagine the number of former students I had in 30+ years of teaching high school (avg. 130 kids a day)? Being accessible to so many people sounds like something awful to me.

      I very much appreciate your kind words. I'm sorry you didn't get the teacher you needed and deserved when you were in school. I'm happy that you've flourished in spite of it all and have become a good writer and a generous soul.

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  13. What a delightful post, Nance! As Martha did, I also started questioning myself right away because who knows words better than you, my friend? I thought there might some variation that I had never heard of. LOL

    How fabulous that your students were first applauded for their work! I truly love that and have never heard of any other teacher doing that before. That must have made the students feel so good right off the bat. I also read your comment above in which you shared that you taught the students how to start off their critiques with "I felt" instead of "I didn't like ..." That not only works for creative writing critiques but also real-life "discussions" between folks who are having a disagreement. You taught them well, Nance!

    It was a relief--and a joy--to hear that Ray and Nathan got along famously! I could envision their camaraderie and the whole atmosphere in your creative writing class. It must have been such a happy place for you and all of them, even with the challenges of creative writing itself.

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    1. Shirley--Thank you, dear friend. As always, your comments are so generous and complimentary. I appreciate your kindness.

      I wanted my students (and want all writers) to feel good about expressing themselves. It's why I detest anyone who makes writing a punishment. That galls me to no end. Why teach anyone to hate writing?

      I also think that recognition is sorely lacking in academics. Kids on athletic teams get kudos all the time--they have cheerleaders and crowds yelling and applauding for them all the time. I feel that there's not enough applause for academic achievement. So applauding for CW writing was initiated. Besides, who doesn't want to hear some applause every now and then?

      As you pointed out, taking the sting and personal attack out of criticism makes for better reception, period. Student writers take their own writing very personally--it's an extension of themselves and their feelings and perceptions. No one wants to feel diminished for their own feelings in any way.

      CW was truly a safe and welcoming environment. It could be frustrating sometimes, as creativity in progress always is, but we all respected one another. I loved that class every year. And the work they produced always astonished and impressed me.

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    2. Nance, I keep thinking about your approach and how it would benefit so many in so many areas. I remember how much it stung when I showed some oil pastel work of mine (from a class I was taking at the time) to my father-in-law, who was a pretty talented artist, and he had absolutely nothing positive to say. He could have at least commented on liking the colors (which I loved) or something, you know? Bo brought this same thing up the other day, with no provocation from me, as he had the same experience with his grandfather, and at the earliest age. That criticism affected him almost forever. It's only been in the last few years that he's been willing to accept others calling him an artist in regard to his creations in the toy world. On the one hand, one might say we all just need to get a stronger backbone--and there are certainly plenty of stories about folks who somehow don't let criticism get to them--but I believe there are so many who get slapped down and don't get back up. It's truly such a shame. I have been creative in lots of other ways over the years but have steered clear of oil pastels because of that single experience.

      Finally, that's an excellent point about academic achievement not getting enough recognition. It's kind of ludicrous that so many comparatively silly things do actually get so much praise and publicity. I'm thinking of the social media world, of course.

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    3. Shirley--What a tough experience. And it's had such long-lasting repercussions, too. That's just sad. To hear that your son had the same thing happen as a kid is even more upsetting. It makes you wonder about your fil's motives: was he just unable to be positive when it came to looking at other people's art? was he somehow threatened as an artist by anyone else's attempts? did he think he was helping, knowing art is, by its nature, a very subjective and critical arena? or was he just sort of a shitty person in general? Sigh. I understand how some painful criticism can go on to shape your reactions and behaviours later in life.

      I do hope that, like your son, you can one day set it aside and return to your oil pastels and enjoy just creating your own art with them, for yourself and for your own pure bliss.

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  14. I can well imagine your students would have loved your class and you. My favorite high school teacher was my English teacher but my school didn't offer a creative writing class. Years ago I thought of her and wanted to write her a letter to tell her how much I had appreciated her. Unfortunately, I found out she had died a few years earlier. I wish I had acted sooner.

    When I started my blog I was motivated to take a CW class at our local Senior Center. The class was conducted somewhat as you described yours in that we read aloud. Poetry was always read twice. I thoroughly enjoyed the class though I was the only one whose material was what I was writing for my blog. Most hadn't heard of blogs including our instructor and the few who had, thought people just raged, wrote about their gripes and complaints. Given the bloggers with whom I was writing were discussing what aging really was like -- far more positive experiences than just disease, debility and depression -- some learning occurred. Other participants were engaged in all sorts of writing including books, short stories, plays, poetry, memoirs, essays. Those writing books could only read a limited number of pages each time to allow all to read whatever we had for each class. When the class ceased to be offered we continued to meet privately in our homes. Our group eventually ended before Covid as members moved away, some died. Several had became published authors -- one a contest winner, two others books were published (not self-published). One was a Holocaust survivor; the other wrote her memoir as a foster child. I liked the semi-structured class -- voluntary writing topics only occasionally for any who wanted one; also, sometimes various poetry forms for those wanting to try them. One of our members became so enthralled with her class experience she went back to undergrad college, then graduate school, then she and a colleague returned the year before Covid and offered a Senior Center writing class. That became a virtual class after Covid.

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    1. Joared--Your Senior Center class sounds wonderful. I'm so glad you had that opportunity and that the group decided to extend the experience by continuing to meet. That's the kind of support and critique that produces writers, and your group obviously did.

      That it also inspired members to become instructors is also terrific. The gifts generated by that one class are astounding.

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  15. Loved this entry. I too began doubting that ominous was the correct pronunciation so had to ask 'Alexa' to double-check.
    A few years ago, coworkers (in our cubicled office) were discussing our recent meals. I mentioned I had 'salmon'. In a moment one of my coworkers came rushing to my side with a dictionary to correct my pronunciation to 'samun'. I've never forgotten the public shaming & correction!

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    1. JanL--Oh my! Perhaps I should have made reference to Ray's mispronunciation earlier. Hee hee. I didn't think I'd create so much doubt among my readers. :)

      It's unfortunate that your coworker chose to correct you in such a brash way in front of others. I'm sure that was embarrassing; however, it says volumes more about your coworker than it does about you. I'll bet everyone present felt the same.

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  16. I was an English major in college. Those creative writing classes could be tough; I have vivid memories of some of them--and I graduated college in 1985.

    And I was so glad this entry didn't end w/a link to Ray's obituary somewhere...

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    1. Elle--I ran the class much like a college level elective, and I made sure my students knew it. It was no easy A, for sure. When many of my students went on to CW in college at the local community college (taught by Pulitzer finalist and multi-award winner, Bruce Weigl), he could always tell which students were mine.

      Oh, it is my fervent hope that Ray is happy and loving life right now. I have no idea where he is.

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  17. I too was glad that Ray's story didn't end with an obituary. What a lovely remembrance of him.

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    1. Margaret--Hello. Welcome to the Dept. Ray is a lovely memory; he was a one of those students who stays with me still.

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  18. What a charming story. I remember some of my high school classes affected me so profoundly. It is such a time of trying out who you are going to be, if you are not yet sure. I am not speaking to Ray or his sexuality, just that I felt like a very different person when I graduated from high school vs who I was when I started out, and some of that was due to wonderful, caring teachers. I'm glad you had each other.

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    1. J--So true! High school should be a time for maturing, growing, and learning about who you are in the grand scheme of things (and it often is, and not always in the most nurturing or pleasant way). Students should start feeling that fire come alive for what they might want to pursue in college or as a vocation for their life's work. High school is the time of incredible development--just think of how different Maya was from 14 to 18.

      Wasn't it traumatic--or at least so very difficult--sending her off to school that first day of kindergarten? I remember being a wreck and thinking, "He doesn't belong to me anymore. Now he belongs to the world." I made sure that I remembered that feeling and tried to make my class a good place to be (at least most of the time).

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