Saturday, January 22, 2022

Y Is For Yes

 

It's dreadfully cold here in Northeast Ohio (aka NEO), and there's nothing I want to do less than leave my home where it's warm, comfy, and everything I need is easily within my reach. I'm wearing leggings, a fleece zip-up, and behind my back is my heating pad--on High. I'm hoping that This Is It for me for the rest of the day and night; however, if, say, Sam called and invited us down to his house, or our friends sent a text and invited us to see their new home, I'd say Yes.

My Campaign Of Yes began some time ago, when I retired. It was inspired in no small part by a quote in the book The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. In it, a countess is trying to flee her brutish foreign husband and seek comfort back in her American home and family.  Society is unkind, and she is confused by its coldness to her. She ignores Society and does what she wants. "I must go where I am invited, or I should be too lonely," she tells a friend. 

I certainly didn't have the countess's problems, but I decided that I'd take her advice and go wherever and whenever I was invited so that I would fill my days. And I did--to movies, to lunches, to shopping trips, to various outings and visits--as often as I could, saying Yes as much as I was able. 

After a time, those things naturally faded as retirees started to spend more time with their families or travel or find other things to do. And I did the same things, too. But it was fun while it lasted.

I still continue with my Campaign Of Yes, however, and I highly recommend it. Of course it's easier to say No and stay home with a cat on my lap and read or play Words With Friends. But I have almost always been happier that I went to Wherever It Was. This morning, Rick had to go to the lakehouse and troubleshoot the Nest thermostat, which we had lost connectivity with almost two weeks ago. It was a bone-chilling five degrees when he asked me if I was going along. My face must have been a mix of horror and panic because he immediately said, "You don't have to! I just thought I'd ask." I admit that I did struggle for a moment or two, but stuck to my Campaign. "Yes," I said. "Of course I'll go."

We hadn't been to the lake in a month or so. The community is shrouded in snow and quiet. From the driveway, we could see the lake, silent and frozen. Here and there in our yard were pawprints from rabbits and squirrels. I knew that if we went out and looked down at the lakeside, we might see hoofprints from deer. As we looked farther out towards the southern end, we could see several people ice fishing. The sun broke through the clouds and revealed a brilliant blue sky.

As always, being at the lakehouse was relaxing and brought back such happy memories. The place is a Haven Of Yes--everyone is encouraged to do what they want. If you want to swim, fine. If you want to fish, do it. If you want to just lie on a chaise longue and enjoy the day, do that. If you want to stay inside and watch TV, then Yes you can. 

I said Yes, and again I was glad I did. It was good to get out, go for a drive, and get things sorted out at the lakehouse. It was lovely to gaze out at the frozen lake and appreciate its sleeping beauty. One small and simple word gave me all of that. Yes.

Do you have your own Campaign Of Yes? If not, how do you feel about trying it out?


image

35 comments:

  1. I am almost ALWAYS a yes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dee--I can tell you are. I love when you take us along on your day trips and show us all the places you go.

      Delete
  2. I'm one who likes to venture off on my own with no one to say "let's do this, or let's go here". So, guess I'm not much of a yes gal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anni--I like going some places by myself as well, having become more of an independent introvert since retirement. But I guard against isolation by saying Yes.

      Delete
  3. I can imagine how still it was at your lake house this time of year. I hope all is well with its heating system. I do not have a Campaign of Yes. I have more of a Campaign of When In Doubt, Don't. This means I may say "yes" when I think it's the right thing for me to do. Or I may say "no" if'n I feel like it. I am friendly, but fickle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ally--Everything was fine with the furnace. It was a problem with the Internet provider, and after some initial frustration, we got it sorted. Thank you.

      I can understand your Philosophy. I adopted my Yes Campaign because I was finding, too, that I was saying No simply as an involuntary response, that I was cocooning too much for almost no reason other than personal convenience. I'm glad your way works for you.

      Delete
  4. I love your Yes campaign. I have to admit, there are times that I've said YES but in the back of my mind thinking I really didn't want to do such and such....but almost always am I pleasantly surprised that the YES was a good idea.

    I love that you had this moment with your husband at the lake house, seeing it from it's cold wintery view. It sounds like a magical retreat for your family and friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Suz--Your experience with Yes is exactly what I mean.

      You know from having your mountain getaway how wonderful it is to provide a place for family and friends to enjoy themselves and feel the cares of their everyday lives drop away for a bit. It's often, for us anyway, the best part of having the place.

      I recently read an essay about Winter here, shared by Bridget, a fellow blogger and commenter. I was thinking a lot about that piece when we were at the lake. I'm still not a fan of Winter, and the heavy snow we're getting right now is devastating me, but I do recognize that Winter has its own purpose and personality. At least here in NEO, that means cold and snow, and I have to learn to be more gracious about it.

      Delete
    2. Wow. What an amazingly beautiful message regarding winter. And along with the magical photos; just delightful.
      Like you needing to be more gracious about winter is what I need to work on during our dreaded summer months. Stay warm.

      Delete
  5. Your lake house sounds so wonderful, and I am glad you were able to get the internet issue fixed and it wasn’t a cold cold experience!

    I am a person who gets an idea in her head and has trouble letting go of it. But I recognize this in myself and fight against it. So if my plan for the day is to clean out the junk drawer, and Ted says, ‘would you like to go to a movie?’ My first thought it, um, I wanted to clean out that junk drawer…but I push that aside and say, ‘yes, I would like to go to a movie’. It’s better, for me at least, to not stay at home cleaning out a junk drawer and wishing I had gone. (Not that we’ve been to a movie lately…we went to one in Hawaii, and that is it since 2020…everything streams, and every time I decide I’m just about comfortable with a movie theater, another variant or wave of virus surges, and we end up not doing THAT.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. J--It very much IS wonderful. I am so hopeful that one day you and Ted can come and stay with us there. You will love it, too.

      I imagine that you have always had a Campaign Of Yes, and in many ways. I think I remember you saying that you tried to say Yes to Maya as often as possible since children hear No so often. Or am I making that up?

      Anyway, I am very much like you in the example you gave. I hate to suddenly alter plans, even if those plans were just in my head. As a lifelong mandatory planner--mother and teacher roles require it!--it was hard to stop that habit which had served me so well in those arenas, but which had also sort of hampered me. There is a lot of comfort in control, or the illusion of it.

      But Saying Yes has been helpful with that; it has made me more spontaneous. I even Say Yes to myself: Do I really want to____? YES, just do that!

      I'm with you on the pandemic bullshit. OVER IT.

      Delete
    2. Oh goodness, time spent with you and Rick at the lake house sounds like heaven, doesn’t it? Something to dream about and look forward to…

      I do think I have written about saying ‘yes’ to Maya as often as possible. If she wants carrots instead of broccoli for dinner, who cares? I prefer to save the No’s for when they matter.

      Funny about the comfort of control, even if, as you say, it is just the illusion of it. Ridiculous to trap yourself in doing chores instead of taking a nice drive somewhere. Sometimes, though, if it’s something I REALLY want to do, like sit on the couch with a good book, it is harder to say yes to someone else’s plan. I try though, to still say yes and make plans for time with my book at another time.

      Delete
  6. Oh I am a PROFESSIONAL Stay-At-Homer. I never want to say yes, even though past experience has proven that I when I've done the thing I've really enjoyed it. I even have a note on my task app that pops up on Saturday afternoons reminding me that I enjoy church and am enriched when I go. Did I go to church today? No I did not.

    I'm not a word of the year kind of person, but this year I've chosen one: Intention. So far I'm just thinking about what that looks like for me, but what I HOPE is that it keeps me from the mindless sitting that I'm so prone to. We shall see.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bug--I can tell you are not Roman Catholic. Missing mass (church service) is a terrible sin. If you miss, you cannot then take Holy Communion, and in order to finally be able to do so, you have to go to Confession and do whatever Penance the priest gives you. My mother, however, St. Patsy, would usually find some reason to circumvent all of that. The nuns at weekly catechism made sure that all of us knew only death was an acceptable reason for missing mass, so we constantly felt both guilty and smug.

      I have to say that it seems odd that you don't go someplace that you enjoy and where you feel fulfilled. And aren't you an officer or some sort of bigwig at your church? Or was that back in your previous church?

      Intention is sort of amorphous to me. It's an idea of a plan; an aim of what you mean to do. If that were my word, I would feel supremely let off the hook. I already Intend to do all sorts of things--gather up another bunch of things for donation and schedule the pickup; go through and organize my yarn stash; wash the rugs for the kitchen now that it's snowy; make cookies--but will I really, really do them? Let's just say that of all of those things, only the rugs are likely to happen anytime soon.

      Obviously your interpretation is different, and I hope you get the result you are wishing for.

      Delete
  7. Generally, especially since COVID, I prefer to stay home - would you like to come here instead kind of person. But, on the occasions, when I've spontaneously said Yes I am gratified by how happy I've make the person who asked and I find that I usually enjoy myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. darn it - *I've made*

      Delete
    2. Gigi--I completely understand wanting to stay home these days. I have the same concerns and restrictions on my behaviour due to Covid. The people that I interact with are all vaxxed and boosted, and most of my invitations are from family.

      You bring up a really good point, and that is how sometimes our acceptance makes others happy. I find that's often the case, and what a lovely feeling it is to know that our presence can be a joy to others! Like you, I'm usually glad I went. (Why wouldn't I be, when I'm wanted there?)

      Delete
  8. a very good reminder to get out when you can. good for you and good for YES! Your 1ake sounds so pretty .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. kathy--Life is short, as is so often said. I doubt anyone regrets not spending more time at home on the couch.

      We do enjoy our lake year round. We have a terrific view from our house, and we are just steps from the shore. In my dreams I never imagined I'd have a place like it.

      Delete
  9. I do like your yes campaign. I tend more to stay at home and hibernate (particularly in the winter). But there are certain people I will always say "YES" to and it almost always ends up being a great thing to do. Your lake house does indeed sound so lovely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vera--I think those of us in the colder states do hibernate in wintertime, which is natural. I also think that's what makes me so resentful of snow and cold--it limits me so much. I have to make an almost herculean effort to do things in winter, so my Yes Campaign prods me on.

      Like you, there are certain people I will always Say Yes to. My sons are two of them, no surprise there. I'm always happy to spend time with them.

      Our lakehouse is idyllic for us; it's a true escape when we go there, and we find that anyone who joins us feels the same way. There is a deck on the entire back of the house that faces the lake, and I spend a lot of time there reading, knitting, or just looking out over the water. If it's cooler on the dock, sometimes I sit there, or even on the boat.

      Rick has a kayak, and he likes to go out on that. We both fish. A lot of Yes happens at the lake.

      Delete
  10. There are lots of things that make me say no - covid worries, ice and snow, too cold, how much will it cost... I think I have to work more on finding the things I can say yes to. Thanks for the post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ellen--You're welcome!

      I understand about Covid worries. I also understand about budget concerns--we've been there so, so many times. There were many, many lean times when Rick was unemployed, off due to health reasons, or early on, we were both working out of our fields at minimum wage jobs with no benefits.

      And winter is full of weather challenges that make us all want to hibernate and just endure. I really, really get that. Part of the reason I started shovelling snow was so that I could give the finger to winter.

      These Covid Days, I'm talking about Saying Yes to things like getting out of the house to visit with family or friends who are healthy and safe, maybe having dinner together (not at a restaurant, but potluck).

      Winter will not be here forever, thank goodness! Even this recent snow dump will be gone one day (hopefully before Independence Day), and you'll be able to feel less restricted. Trust me, Ellen--you only have to look in any winter month of my archived posts and see that I'm a lifelong Hater Of Winter. We'll get through this, you and I.

      Delete
  11. I used to be a yes to everything kind of person, but as I've aged I've turned to no more and more often. Of course Covid has made things even worse. Over the last few years I've become the kind of person who gets excited about canceled plans and I'm not even joking lol! Have a great weekend Nance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Martha--I get that. Sometimes, it's a real effort to be around other people and socialize. The pandemic has made that so difficult and almost tiring because of the overarching tension of being safe. It becomes Not Worth It.

      I still try to Say Yes within my limits--among family and even just Rick and me--so that I don't miss out on what might be a happy time or a loving and fun get-together.

      You have a good weekend, too. I hope you find some time for rest and relaxation.

      Delete
  12. I came back to see if you'd replied to my comment and it's nowhere to be found. Boo.

    I love saying "Yes" and enthusiastically look forward to the day when I can do it more freely!

    Your lake outing with Rick reminds me of the winter trips that we used to take to check on our river property and sometimes do chores, such as cutting back briars and "hedges" (for lack of a better word) before their spring growth.

    Winter brought a different kind of beauty and stillness to the area. The river is always the most gorgeous aquamarine color in the deepest parts. Just stunning. Even early spring trips presented different treats from the summer time. For one thing, there would always be so many turtles on the river during that season. Come summer, they all disappeared though. So interesting.

    Thanks for sharing this post with us, Nance! xo,
    Shirley

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shirley--I'm so sorry that Blogger lost your comment. It seems that there have been some concerns with Comments overall. I'm not receiving all of them via email, and some people are letting me know that theirs are not publishing no matter what precautions they take. I hope Google isn't abandoning this platform.

      It's so true that current conditions have made Saying Yes more difficult. Even within our Pods, it's cause for hesitation because I know my sons are still socializing with friends, and how do I know how careful every one of them is? I certainly do not.

      Your river property sounds gorgeous and natural. So serene! There's something about being near the water and trees that is simply nourishing to the soul. The sounds are beautiful and comforting as well, aren't they?

      I hope you can get up to see us at the lake this year, Shirley. You'd love it so much.

      Delete
  13. Definitely not your fault, Nance. I was just very surprised as I've never had a comment disappear quite like that one did. Sure hope that Google is not abandoning Blogger! I see many flocking to Substack. If you don't charge, there's no charge to you. If you publish via Substack, there would be no website to go to and no comment interaction/discussion, which would truly be a loss, but the newsletter aspect would be the same.

    I wish so many things about our current situation but no need to express them. Those of us with sense are all thinking them. It all is simply exhausting.

    Thanks so much regarding the river property. It is a treasure and definitely nourishing to the soul. The sound of the rapids is like the most delightful white noise, especially at bedtime.

    I am going to hold the vision of visiting you at your lake house in my mind as something extremely wonderful coming up! I am certain I will love it. Part of that comes from being someone who lives on a lake on a daily basis. Every lake is quite different but as you say, all bodies of water with trees are so special. I'm not sure I could live without the water and trees being a major part of my life. Such a gift! You are so incredibly kind to be willing to host me at your lake house!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shirley--You hosted me at your home, so having you at the lake would be my pleasure. I really cannot wait!

      Delete
  14. Wonderful you could enjoy the outing to your lake house. Sounds like a beautiful scene. I remember well those truly cold days, to zero and below. I didn't mind so much when I was younger. The key was to be warmly dressed from the top of my head to the tips of my fingers and toes. Always felt so good to finally come into a warm house.

    "Yes" sounds like a good idea, reminding me that yesterday I pondered a bit, but then said "No". Worked out fine as turns out that the outing today my friends would have had to cancel anyway, so I didn't have to make the needed preparations only to have a last minute change of plans. My opportunities to say "Yes" are few and far between with so many gone from my life and limitations Covid has prescribed in recent years, plus still does here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joared--We've had so many polar days here lately. Temperatures start out in the single digits and barely make it to the teens. January has been brutal, and the early days of February are not looking promising, either.

      Covid has made Saying Yes a much more difficult thing, for sure. It has also hampered you from going places to socialize and perhaps make some new friends. It's a tough time in so many ways.

      Delete
  15. For some reason beyond my skill level, your post did not come up in my feed or my reading list. I am redoing the link. I hope. And my first two tried at commenting got eaten. Sometimes I consider throwing my iPad through a window, honestly.
    Yes. Yes, here I am, finally. But I feel more like the little engine just now. "I think I can". In a tunnel, even, chugging on. But there is always a light at the end. And your posts, my talented friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary--Good heavens, what troubles! You can always just check in at the actual site, you know. Or, you can sign up to have me emailed to you. That convenience is up top, to the right. It's quite easy; just Say Yes...LOL.

      I rarely use my iPad except for weekends at the lake or if my laptop is updating. I find it frustrating and too small of a screen. Its functionality is limiting for me. Yet I know scores of people who use an iPad exclusively and love it.

      I'm glad you're here and find me worth the struggle. Take care, dear friend.

      Delete
    2. I was signed up for email at one point, but it disappeared. I have just resigned. Resigned? Um, for some reason, my brain is flipping its dictionary at me over that one.

      Delete
    3. Mary--Re-signed, perhaps? My brain is rebelling as well.

      Delete

Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...