Sweating out whether or not George Hill, a game-time decision, will be playing on my fantasy basketball team Sunday night:
Nance: George Hill is really screwing up my lineup.
Rick: You're winning this week. It doesn't matter.
Nance: I want a decisive victory. George Hill needs to put on his big boy pants and get out there.
Rick: The other team has only one player going.
Nance: And I may or may not have George Hill.
(several hours later, after checking Rotoworld, a fantasy sports news site)
Nance: (dismissively, with snark) That's right, George Hill, you'd better be playing! (reading news item) George Hill, sore right toe, will play Sunday. What a load of bullshit! Do you know how many American workers are on the job right now with bigger problems than a sore right toe? How many go to work sick with the flu or worse? George Hill, women go to work six weeks or less after having an entire human being come out of their bodies! And many of them go on to pump their breasts at work every few hours for months afterwards. And you want to sit on the bench and collect your millions for a goddamn sore toe? Hell yes you'd better get off that bench and play tonight!
Rick: (carefully looks up from his pasta) I'm glad he heard you.
Nance: So is he.
End scene.
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There are no bigger wusses than professional sports players. All glittery show, no actual go. Well said, my dear.
ReplyDeleteAlly Bean--Thank you, and I completely agree with you. They are cossetted, babied, and catered to. They would never have made it back in the 1970s when the NBA was a Real Man's World. Things were brutal out there. Maybe even the 80s. Now, they are all good buddies and millionaires. Sigh.
DeleteI disagree. Folks don't realize that a lot of times, coaches and medical staffs will hold guys out of games or practices simply to protect an asset. Imagine if you had millions of dollars invested in your home. You'd do whatever you could to protect that asset and maintain as much of its original value as possible. IE...taking shoes off indoors, getting out ahead of home improvements/upkeep. 99% of these athletes would play every minute of every game as long as they could wake up and walk. You also have to keep in mind that George Hill is a starting point guard. There are only 30 men in the world that are qualified to have that job. Knowing that the supply is far less than the demand, it is the responsibility of organizations to make sure that they protect that asset in that moment so that George is fresh, rested, and at his best late season when it matters most. Think about that. Billions and billions of people, and only 30 are qualified enough to have that job. Like if the world's 30 preeminent professors with expertise in the Canterbury Tales were all vying for jobs, and you hired one for your university, knowing that he is one of exactly 30, if he calls in with strep throat, and has an important speaking engagement a week later, I bet you protect that asset by telling him to stay home and get ready.
DeleteHaving said that...one summer during summer school gym class, I single went into takeover mode in a team handball tournament two days after my grandfather passed away, and a mere three months after learning how to walk again after an ACL and meniscus tear in my left knee. Was I resilient? Yes. Was my performance nothing short of miraculous and awe-inspiring? You bet. Could George Hill have done that? Maybe not. We won't ever know. Bottom line here is pretty obvious...I am a superior athlete to Mr Hill in terms of my physical prowess, leadership ability, championship pedigree, and my mental and physical toughness.
DeleteSorry that I hijacked this.
Jared--Oh, hell.
DeleteDo not start with me. This will undoubtedly lead to our Ages-Old Feud regarding the Ridiculous Salaries Of Professional Athletes, and things will get horrifically ugly fast.
And, there were billions of times I wished that Dr. Olcott would have gotten strep throat when I had him for English Lit, thus sparing me tons of lectures on not only Chaucer (ugh) but also lots of other boring Early English stuff I detested.
George Hill probably should not BE a starting point guard with the inconsistent play he has been exhibiting lately. I might even go so far as to call it "lackadaisical." I may even describe it as "half-hearted" as best. He has NOT been a Bright Spot on my roster, let us leave it at that.
Suffice it to say that I regret drafting him, would not do it again were I to re-draft my team, and will not draft him in future.
Finally, dearest heart, you did not hijack Comments at all. You merely added to the discussion, and I thank you. XXOO
You will watch the way you talk about Chaucer. The worst thing about you may be your disdain for Chaucer. If that's the case, however, I would contend you're doing just fine. There's no such thing as boring early English stuff. American Lit? All that Ben Franklin bullshit ("Modesty is important...now I will brag about how modest I am, here I go!) made me want to punch people.
DeleteJared--I have never hidden my Utmost Disdain for Benjamin Franklin. The entire country can be eternally grateful that he was never President (a fact that is still a Big Surprise to so many citizens: "But...but...he is on money!"). As to Colonial American literature, I am also Not A Fan. Things don't really get going, literature-wise, for me until the nineteenth century in America. In English literature, I will always revere The Bard, but until the Romantics, things were quite Dark indeed.
DeleteI have no earthly idea how this fantasy stuff works, but... George Hill looks very scary. He also looks like he could handle a sore toe. Hope he comes through for you!
ReplyDeleteOrtizzle--If I thought you were even remotely interested, I'd explain it to you very simply. It's a fun hobby as long as it is not a high-stakes league, which ours is not. Just friends and family for Bragging Rights.
DeleteGeorge Hill is, unfortunately, an Underachiever this year. And his lackluster and indifferent performance last night proved it. He needs a good, hard foul from someone on a team with no hope for the playoffs.
(I cannot believe I would condone that. But I would, as long as he was not hurt. Just...Impressed.)
I am afraid even to get superficially briefed on fantasy baseball lest I get sucked in and never surface again. Hope your wuss played week, in spite of the toe. Tell the atavar that I once worked all day in our sugar bush after having had a toenail,removed the previous day. That ought to shame him. Note that I have not used one exclamation mark in this whole comment. Classy, no? No.
ReplyDeleteMary G--It was basketball. LOL. No matter. And George Hill played lousy, statistically speaking. But I won anyway, no thanks to him. His whole team is "hurt" right now. Boo. Hoo.
DeleteCan you imagine what would happen if these coddled athletes ever HAD THEIR PERIODS? Good heavens.
Well. Damn Facebook! :-(
ReplyDeleteMary G.--I...am not sure what to say about this.
DeleteA tad competitive, are we?
ReplyDeleteI know nothing about the fantasy games and how they correspond to the real games. But in real life the Pacers didn't come close to a victory on Sunday, decisive or otherwise.
NCmountainwoman--In Fantasy Sports--in this league--we only need each individual player to rack up stats. It doesn't matter whether or not his team wins or loses. Only his stats matter. As it was, George Hill had a lousy night, but I still pulled out the W.
DeleteYou crack me up. We totally agree on how wimpy these professional athletes are. I think if we paid them less money they might be less concerned about injuries (I know it should be the opposite, but I think they're afraid of getting really hurt & missing out on all the lovely money). Also, they think they're precious.
ReplyDeleteBug--They are wimps. They couldn't last two minutes in a rugby match, quite honestly. They are comparable to racehorses.
DeleteI am thisclose to dropping George Hill, who continues to struggle and fail to produce with any consistency or effort. My heart is cold and hard.
I take umbrage at the race horse remark. Race horses are not wimps. They are mostly WAY too young horses who have no choice in what career they might like to do. On average, two to three race horses are put down on the track EVERY SINGLE DAY in this country, due to race or training injuries. The same cannot be said of professional human athletes, sadly. Horse racing is a horrible "sport" and is all about the money, not the horses. And the racing industry is why there are way too many horses bred each year with no one to take them when they fail at the track. This is a huge "hot button" issue in the animal rights arena.
DeleteLaFF--You have made my point for me, actually. These athletes, some highstrung and immature, get one injury and it is as if they are done for: they may as well be shot. Perhaps my metaphor was a bit incomplete.
DeleteI appreciate your close relationship with and championing of horses. However, just as I understand that you really don't advocate putting down injured professional human athletes, I'm sure you understand that I share your compassion for animals. In addition, I do have more than a little knowledge and interest in the racing industry, especially locally.
In short, there is no doubt in my mind that any racehorse could beat George Hill handily, and in any sport.
I loathe the whole racing industry simply because of the way the horses are treated, hence my soapbox stand (I do get carried away sometimes...). It's just too bad that they don't wait until the horses are old enough to actually run a lot more safely, but sadly they are seen as a throwaway/replaceable commodity. We have two ex-racehorses in my barn (one of which we own who loves to run even now at 22) and they are both great horses who were lucky enough to have a second career. I wish they would stop over-breeding every year, but everyone is looking for that next Secretariat or American Pharoah.
DeleteAnd no, I don't really advocate putting down professional athletes, but I routinely see ones who should receive a swift kick in the ass to grow up a bit.