Like what I keep encountering when I shop for a shirt at Marshalls.
Every once in a while, I get sick of my clothes and pull stuff off of hangers and out of drawers to put in a donation bag. It's usually items that I realize I've stopped wearing or that I haven't seen in a long time. Once that's done, I see that I need a couple of things to fill a gap in the wardrobe. Marshalls is across from my grocery store, so it's a convenient trip.
Anyway, my point--and I do have one--is that I don't like what keeps happening when I shop at Marshalls, and it's women who are doing it.
The last time I was there, a woman was on her cellphone in the racks across from me. "So it was just so weird," she said. "I got him up, and he was perfectly fine at first. Then he started sort of spinning--literally--out of control. I got him settled down, gave him his meds, fed him, and he seemed okay. Then he started the spinning thing again. I didn't know what to do. I'm like, do I just go ahead and send him to school or what? So I put him in the car and take him, and I tell his teacher everything and she says she'll keep me informed."
At this point I started feeling a little uncomfortable. Clearly, she's talking about a special needs child. It felt like something I shouldn't be privy to, but here I was, in a store, looking for a sweater that wouldn't show a lot of cat hair. What was I supposed to do?
"Well, I'm just shopping right now," she continued. "I'm sort of waiting to hear. She didn't seem too concerned. I just wonder how much of it is diet, how much of it is environment, how much is you know..." I casually looked in her direction, just in case she wasn't aware that there was someone else so close. She barely looked at me and continued talking in the same volume, as if she were speaking to someone who was standing next to her and about something as mundane as the placement of buttons on the shirt she was looking at.
I wasn't too surprised. The last time I was at Marshalls I heard a woman on her cell tell someone about her daughter's MS diagnosis and her entire consult with the specialist. This woman didn't think much of the doctor, by the way, and she felt that the way he was going about things was totally wrong. If it were up to her, she'd leave that practice entirely and go with Cleveland Clinic all the way. This guy had zero idea what he was doing. But her daughter was grown and engaged to be married, for heaven's sakes, so all she could do was be there for her, but if you ask her, she really needed to see someone better.
Anyway, the woman with the spinning child wandered off to look at makeup, and I decided to look in Shoes for a pair of winter boots. Suddenly, I heard a woman tell me, "You shut up! Shut. Up. Right. Now." She had to be talking to me--even though I had yet to say a single word--because I was the only person in Shoes besides her. My eyes widened and teared involuntarily. I was almost afraid to move for a moment. Then I saw her. She came around the corner and suddenly started laughing. "Oh god! You have got to be kidding me! Shut it! You're sick!" She barely glanced at me and pushed her cart down the next aisle.
Who in the hell are these women who A) cannot modulate their voices if they must be on a phone; B) must be on a phone call whilst shopping; C) don't care if they blab their/their family's personal medical conditions in public; D) have so little concern/awareness for Common Human Courtesy and Basic Manners that they do this in the first place? We have become a nation of crass and selfish idiots.
People like this have already ruined Going To The Movies for me. I haven't seen a film at the theater since Lincoln with Daniel Day-Lewis. Even the Tuesday afternoon showings were full of people using their phones during the film, talking during the film, and being inconsiderate in general. It's a Sadness that so many people simply act as if they are in their own living rooms when they are out in public, and this cuts across all age groups. "If you have a problem with it, then stay home" seems to be their attitude.
Kindness Is My Default has been my mantra for years and years, and it will remain so. I will continue to work on my Patience.
I dislike overhearing phone conversations, too. It's like unintentional eavesdropping and makes me uncomfortable. I've come to the conclusion that people are so enamored of their cell phones that the people on the other end of the connection are more real to them than a real person standing beside them. The real person doesn't exist and therefore it doesn't matter who hears what is being said. It's disturbing behavior that is everywhere.
ReplyDeleteAlly--What an incredibly astute observation/theory! I think you're spot on that the people on cellphones are only tuned in to the person they're talking to as a Real Person. They see everyone else as Extras in the Movie Of Their Lives. It doesn't make me feel any better--in fact, it makes me feel even worse--but it is a superb explanation that makes so much sense.
DeletePreach, Nance! What is it with some people?! I don't want to hear their business and I certainly don't want them to hear mine; hence my phone stays in my pocket when I'm out and about. Although, to be fair, nine times out of ten I won't answer it at all...and everyone who knows me know this to be true; so it rarely rings. I keep telling myself that the pendulum of civility and courtesy has to start swinging back eventually...won't it? (A pipe dream, I know).
ReplyDeleteGigi--I have my phone with me at all times due to having a 93-year old mother with Alzheimer's and Afib. But I don't use it socially in stores because ETIQUETTE. As you said, I like to live my private life in private. Will I chat while driving (hands free) alone? Yes. But honestly, I prefer to settle in for a nice conversation in my home, comfortably, and with a coffee or water mug nearby.
DeleteLike you, I do hope that civility and courtesy come back soon. Until then, I'll continue to model the behaviour I want to see, a la Be The Change I Wish To See In The World.
Nance! Are you serious that people in the movie theater talk on their phones? Out loud? I have not been to the movies in years but am aghast that this is actually happening. I ride public transit though and people not only talk on the phone but do video calls OUT LOUD so I can hear both sides of the conversation and have to be in the video potentially. I cannot stand it. I also have a lot of people watching shorts / IG / YouTube / basketball games out loud right next to me. If you must talk on the phone / watch YouTube PLEASE for the love of God get a pair of earphones! However, like you (and Gigi) have mentioned, why must they have the conversation in public at all!?
ReplyDeleteKyria--I hate to be the one to bring you such Sad News about the deteriorating behaviour in theatres everywhere. And lest you think it was Teenagers, it was not. Has this changed in the years since I was at the cinema? Doubt it. I once used my Teacher Voice and told a few senior citizens to Knock Off The Chatter, For Crying Out Loud. They did so begrudgingly, but not before they muttered a few comments wondering what my problem was, and assessing the degree of my touchiness.
DeletePeople using speakerphone/video calling in public is another pet peeve of mine. I don't want to hear THEIR side of the conversation, let alone the other person's. And I don't want to be inadvertently videoed. And hell be damned sure I don't want to listen to their music, videos, or video gaming, either. A cheap pair of earbuds can be had at a dollar store; go get some!
Misery loves company (and validation) here. I'm glad I'm not the only one, but I'm sad that this is an Epidemic in our society and so many of us are affected.
Recently I was shopping and I thought I guy was talking to me and I answered his question. He replied and I again replied. That's when I realized he wasn't actually talking to me, he was on the phone. I walked by him and felt the urge to apologize... but for what? Him making me feel foolish? I said nothing.
ReplyDeleteJean--It's made all the more confusing because of hands-free devices. No one even has to hold their cellphones anymore--which is great, of course--so we don't even have that physical cue to tip us off. People are just wandering around, seemingly talking to us or thin air, and we simply don't know.
DeleteAs you pointed out, it puts us in a very odd situation for which there's no established set of etiquette. You were wise to say nothing. What could you say, really? Such a goofy scenario that he created.
Honestly, I don't see public talking on cell phones much. You know what I do see/hear, though? People listening to their music/podcast/radio/audiobook in public without headphones in. I don't want to hear your Justin Bieber or Dax Shepherd, okay?! I must breathe in and breathe out, Nance. My patience is low.
ReplyDeleteNGS--I'm envious of your Polite Environs up there in Wisconsin. Women here in NEO are almost continually yammering on cells in the grocery store or Target or Marshalls or Macy's.
DeleteI've only heard someone listening to a podcast or audiobook a couple of times. Once, when hitting up the Amazon Return kiosk at Kohl's, I stopped to browse and was confused when I kept hearing a voice droning on and on and on. Finally, I realized it was this WOMAN nearby, listening to a book or something. (This cemented my dislike of Kohl's.)
The other time is ongoing: our postal carrier--a WOMAN--listens to an audiobook or podcast without earbuds every day as she delivers the mail. Each time she trudges up to the door to deposit our mail, I hear what she's listening to, LOUDLY, as she walks up then away again.
Our patience is low because winter is here and is limiting our options, I think. I look outside and see 7" of snow and it's dangerous for me to walk. Winter seems long right now. And so very cold. I'm breathing in and out with you.
I have to admit that the reason I do not see the cell phone behavior may be because I do not go anywhere. I do spend time in stores that do not sell food. I cannot remember the last time I spent more than five minutes in a Target or a Sephora. It is possible that people in Wisco ARE rude, but I just do not see it.
DeleteAgree, it's dreadful behavior. I haven't it seen too much at the theater, although I usually just go to the Hudson Regal. Which has about 10 people max at a showing anymore. I do hate also, though, that people assume just b/c they've texted you that you should be responding immediately. No, I do not have to do that. I will respond in my own time, thank you. Hope you are staying warm in this snow/cold. I ordered myself a Ryobi cordless snow shovel; I love it beyond belief. My giant snowblower was just too heavy. Stay safe & warm!
ReplyDeleteElle--I went to the theater when there were even less than 10 people there, and those people were 65+. To me, the best part about going to the cinema for a movie is the ability to get lost in the film's atmosphere and story. Impossible to do if there are cellphone lights, calls being answered, chatter, etc.
DeleteRick does all the snowblowing. I like to do the manual shovelling. It's good exercise and I find it quite satisfying. I have a heated coat, and it really helps so much. I'm beyond curious as to what a power snow shovel is, so I'm off to google it! You keep warm and safe as well.
The same thing happened to me in, wait for it, the reception room at a hospital in our local city. So loud that everyone turned to look. This woman carried on the conversation, high volume and high voice, for many minutes. Yikes. What are they THINKING?
ReplyDeleteMary--I really like Ally Bean's explanation, above. She posits that the people on their phones are so disconnected from the real world at the time that they only feel connected to the person at the other end of their phone conversation. That's their reality of the moment, so everyone and everything else sort of fades into oblivion. Makes sense, doesn't it? It's an increasingly Selfish Society, which is annoying and sad. These people are, therefore, only thinking of themselves.
DeleteI read that and I also was struck by the logic of the explanation. The 'thinking' comment is a thing I say when I really believe the person is out of line. May they all walk out in traffic paying attention only to their phones and get run over by a big bus (whose driver would just keep going.) Um, that is pretty gross. But.
DeleteSo many people thinking only of themselves as important; it really is sad. And infuriating.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, though, when I read the start of this, I thought you were going to be complaining about all the shirts on the racks that turn out to be cut-off length or cold-shoulder sleeves! I hate both of those. Where are the regular actual shirts, please.
ccr--I'm not a fan of those shirts, either.
DeleteSelfishness is rampant, and here I thought it would get better back in 2009, but no. Then I dared raise my hopes again in 2021. Alas, I think it is a larger societal problem that has deeper roots.
I had to answer a call from my BOSS on Friday while I was checking out at Walgreens. I was so chagrined. He was in a mediation & had a question about retirement (that's my part of my job). Here I am trying to navigate paying for eye drops and tell him how many years and at what age a person can get full retirement through the state. I can't do two things at once. It was a mess. I didn't even get to really apologize to the clerk because I was still on the phone when I left. I should have just waited 5 minutes to call him back, but he rarely calls so I assumed it was urgent.
ReplyDeleteI don't like all the public cell phone usage either. People want to connect to their people and they want to take care of business. I guess I understand that. But I don't really want to participate! And I certainly don't want to contribute. Oof.
Bug--That's a terrible spot to be in. I feel for you. Easy now to say what you Could Have Done, but in the moment, tough call (no pun intended).
DeleteI have to say that just because people "want to connect" doesn't mean that all this is okay. Society can't become a Free For All. It's bad enough that the gun nuts have turned it into the Wild West because they've imposed a bizarre interpretation of the 2nd Amendment upon us. People also want to drive drunk and smoke in restaurants, but Society put a stop to that. People want to use their cellphones on airplanes, but thank goodness they can't.
Are some people so truly uncomfortable with being alone with themselves that they can't just shop or be in a waiting room without pulling in someone else via phone? Can't they download a game or scroll on InstaTwitFace like everyone else?
Your situation was different: your boss called during a meeting and needed time-sensitive information. Could you have said, "I'm so sorry--this is my boss"? Of course, but again, easy to say now.
Your complaints are valid, Nance. I don't shop much, just food. I text so I am unaware of cell phone talkers. My beef is the news segment is over, the announcer says thank you to the guest, the guest replies, thank you. What happened to your welcome as the response from a guest? Am I the only one from your welcome planet? Again, what happened to your welcome? Also word misspellings but let's leave that for another comment. I, too, need to work hard on my Patience or stop shopping.
ReplyDeletesusan q--My intention isn't to open a forum for everyone's pet peeves. I appreciate your comment, however, and share your goal of increased Patience.
DeleteI use text also, but it doesn't stop me from being in the midst of those who make loud cell calls in public. I'm so glad that you haven't had to navigate this particular group of selfish people. I hope your good fortune continues!
Well, this topic struck a nerve, lol!
ReplyDeleteThere is something about people having loud conversations on their cell phones in public places that, for me, often goes beyond a basic lack of manners. I think a lot of these folks actually *want* to be heard. Starved for attention? A cry for sympathy? Or just a narcissistic tendency to want to be the center of attention, even among perfect strangers? —Last year when I was waiting to get my driver’s license renewed at the DMV, everyone in the waiting room was shocked at a woman shouting vociferously and ranting at her boyfriend. (I won’t even describe her shockingly indecent ‘attire.’) She was pacing up and down in front of everyone waiting in chairs in front of her. She had a stage and a captive audience, and wanted everyone to know how pissed off she was. She threw out every swear word that exists and shared a few intimate details that nobody would want to hear. One of the security guards finally spoke to her and said she needed to take the conversation outside, so she started ranting at him, and had to literally be dragged out of there, kicking and screaming. WTH?!
I worry about the college kids I teach who grew up with cell phones and their subsequent addiction to social media. This has been going on for years, of course. I decided a while back to include a special participation grade in the syllabus. Points are deducted for cell phone use in the classroom (except in rare cases where I actually ask them to look something up.) I always tell them that if they have an emergency situation that can’t wait, they should discreetly leave the classroom to take care of it instead of texting the whole time, since I have no idea if it is just ‘social texting.’ Just last week one of my students was blatantly scrolling through her cell phone and texting during the entire class. I was randomly calling on students to respond in certain activities, and of course I picked on her at some point. Blank stare response, of course, and “Could you repeat the question?” When students had to work in groups, she just ignored it and kept on scrolling.
The worst thing that has cropped up in recent years are the ubiquitous air pods. Great for public places, except even then, you hear every word of their one-sided convo. In the classroom, these are much harder to detect than ear buds because they are wireless. They're usually listening to music. And of course, if I call on them, they don’t even hear me. Not wishing to create any scenes in the classroom, I just mark something quickly on my attendance list and move on. The other students are very aware, of course, and just give eye rolls, lol.
Beyond the classroom, my other pet peeve is families eating out in a restaurant where *everyone*, including the parents, are all glued to their cell phones. I wonder how my parents would have dealt with all of that. I have fond memories of family dinners (at home) because my dad had a ritual with us: instead of saying “So how was your day at school?”, he would announce: “We are now going to talk about a subject of general interest.” lol. It was fun, though. He let us pick out what we wanted to talk about, and if we didn’t come up with anything, he always had something interesting to talk about related to history, literature, science, current events, etc.
Ortizzle--There is that aspect as well, the rare person looking for attention or even hoping to (ugh) Go Viral on someone's social media. After all, every place is a stage now, and anyone can grab his or her Fifteen Minutes at virtually any time (pun intended).
DeleteI can only imagine the havoc that more widespread use of smartphones has wreaked on the classroom. I always speak with immense relief about having Gotten Out when I did, before they became ubiquitous, before TwitterX had caught on, before Instagram, before music streaming, and back when AOL Instant Messenger was de rigeur and My Space was in its infancy.
Rick and I note when couples eat at restaurants whilst fiddling with their phones. It's sad. As far as family dinners, I love your dad's conversation starter. My dad never ate at the table with us; he preferred a tv tray in the living room, solo. The rest of us around the kitchen table never lacked things to talk about, but I doubt they were as varied and interesting overall as your topics.
I'm here to tell you it is not just Marshalls - it is EVERYWHERE! And so annoying and disturbing and frustrating. Sometimes I have to STOP myself from interjecting a pithy comment to their mundane conversations. So far I have been successful in stopping myself...but I make no promises.
ReplyDeleteVera--Isn't it just awful? Perhaps we should start interjecting, and maybe that would give the offenders a dose of reality. We could start with the phrase, "You know, I couldn't help overhearing your conversation..." and then offer a comment, piece of advice, helpful tip, or whatever. If the person gets snotty or acts outraged, we'd be perfectly justified in saying, "Well, you were speaking aloud at such a volume that I assumed your conversation wasn't private."
DeleteThat would feel awfully good, wouldn't it? I'd be smug for weeks.
Not using headphones (earbuds) in a coffee shop should be grounds for justifiable homicide. Just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteDee--Grounds...I see what you did there. LOL.
DeleteOMG - this drives me mad. I posted about a woman talking so loudly on her cell phone while I was trying to shop in the men's department of Von Maur a few months ago. It was just the two of us and it was so awkward. Do you not see me standing here? I'm not trying to listen, but yet- here I AM.
ReplyDeleteAbout a week after that post, I met a friend for lunch. The place emptied out and 3 booths away from us a woman arrived and sat and SHOUTED at her cell phone while she ate or waited for her food. My friend spun around and informed her (as if it was a surprise) that we were sitting nearby and trying to have a conversation. She offered an explanation along the lines of WELL, I'M EATING ALONE, what now? So you get to disturb our lunch? She agreed to speak quietly but we had to continue to remind her. It was unreal.
People. What has happened to them?
Ernie--What a terrific question: WTF has happened to people? I maintain that it all started with George W. Bush, who glorified mediocrity and his C average. His candidacy was all about electing "a guy you wanted to have a beer with." His whole presidency was about being a dummy and a goofball. People thought, "Hey! This guy is nothing special and talks like a yahoo, and he made it to the Presidency." From then on, the bar was low, and people thought, "It's not that big of a deal to be smart or civilized." That was the slippery slope that ushered in...well, you see where I'm headed. Add in the ubiquity of social media giving everyone their 15 minutes just for doing stupid stuff, and it's an Epidemic Of Idiocy out there.
DeleteYour encounter at lunch with your friend is so telling. The loud woman's response that she's eating alone so her behaviour is justified is mind-boggling. Such a disconnect. It's like A Grand Reset or Retraining is needed. Pathetic.
Nance, it is an epidemic! I can't stand it and I want to say out loud: SHUT UP. STOP IT. SHUT THE EFF UP!
ReplyDeleteSo rude.
Seeing/hearing people on the phone while checking out at a store really does it for me too. WTH? Is the cashier just a robot? Does she/he not deserve your time?
The other day, while getting my hair cut, I learned about a family about to throw down an intervention for a son and his wife; you won't believe what they put their family, kids and friends through.
I mean, really---I didn't need to know any of this.
BB Suz--I absolutely agree about cashiers. It's so disrespectful to treat them like they're--as you said--merely robots. I abhor the disrespect of any people in the service industry, period. Heaven knows I could not do their jobs adeptly or with consistent good humour as most of them do.
DeleteI wonder if some people are so used to blabbing their business on social media (fb, ig) that they don't value privacy anymore. Maybe they feel that there really isn't anything that private that can't be shared in this age of instant information. I think that's not only sad, but also dangerous.
Wow, people do a lot of blabbing about very personal stuff, don't they? I haven't been witness to much of this, but most of my shopping is at the grocery store, and I generally listen to a book (with my earbuds) while I'm there, and I turn it off while in checkout so I can talk to the cashier. I have on occasion been on the phone in the store, but only because my cousin can take a 10 minute conversation and make it 2 hours. But as you may have guessed, I am listening, not talking, and again, I stop her while I am in the checkout line. Perhaps I will try to pay more attention and make sure I'm not being rude.
ReplyDeleteOur local movie theaters are so spaced out now, you don't really see the light from peoples' phones like you used to, and for that I am GLAD. I don't think I've heard anyone talk on the phone during a movie, thankfully. We don't go as often as we did pre-2020, but we have been a couple of times over the last year.
J--I admit that I'm surprised that you listen to a book while grocery shopping. I couldn't imagine doing that. Like movie viewing, I like to be immersed in a book, giving it my full attention. Yet, I don't listen to books, either. Perhaps that's an entirely different thing.
DeleteAnd yes, it's the intimate nature of the conversation that truly stuns me. Obviously, I don't know these people, but it felt unseemly for me to hear these details about their children's health conditions. As far as the woman simply yelling at her friend to Shut Up and being caught in her line of fire, that was just scary and incredibly rude.
Several theaters in our area have closed down now. I think that's sad, but maybe people got tired of paying big money for a lousy experience. That's certainly how I felt.
Listening to a book while grocery shopping is stupid and I miss things because I'm not concentrating enough. Often I have to go back and listen to a book a second time. It's ridiculous. But it makes me happy, so there we are.
DeleteI do like going to the theater for a movie, mostly because I can't be distracted by my iPad (are you sensing a theme here? I have to make a concerted effort to not read blogs or play a game while watching movies or TV shows. Again, it's stupid behavior and I miss a lot. And I rarely watch a second time, so I suspect this is something I need to change.) Also, they have the good popcorn. But it's a lot of money and so often there is nothing there that I want to see. I hope they don't all close. I used to like the small theater nearby that ran independent films, but they closed years ago and were replaced by a DSW and Dicks (shoes and sporting goods, in case they are not National chains.)
J--If it truly makes you happy, then so be it. But if you find that you're missing stuff and end up wasting time (i.e., have to go back and listen/read/watch all over again), then perhaps you're not as happy as you think.
DeleteOur small theater closed, too. It often had second-run and kid's movies, though. It was quite budget-friendly, and my brother used to take my mom there often. Many times, it was just the two of them, so she could ask questions and not disturb anyone. Plus, it was over-the-top loud, which meant she could hear it just fine. LOL.
Wow, Nance... How inconsiderate! I felt really bad hearing that you teared up at what that horrible shouting woman had to say. People use their phones everywhere--and some don't even use headphones so everyone else has to experience their awful taste in music/movies/games/podcasts/etc.
ReplyDeletemaya--Oh, thank you. Tearing up like that is an involuntary response to fear. If I get really frightened, I become immobile. It's terribly inconvenient, as you can imagine!
DeleteSometimes I lament the invention of the slim and portable smartphone--the computers in our pockets. They've allowed us to be incredibly rude and selfish along with far too accessible.
Gentle internet hugs to you, Nance. May you never have to experience that kind of fear ever again. <3
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