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Thursday, June 30, 2016

And Now For Something Completely Different: The Dept. Might Crash The Convention In Cleveland And Offer Its Own Nostalgic Nominee


Scene opens on a living room setting. Rick is in his big easy chair; Nance is curled up on the end of the couch. Both are watching the national news; its first story is another depressingly shocking one featuring a taped segment of the republican party's Presumptive Nominee.

Nance: Oh my god. You have got to be kidding me. What a--
Rick: I know. Disgusting. And--
Nance: How can anyone...? I mean, what can anyone see in that maniacal idiot that makes him think, 'This is someone I want as my President'?
Rick: (glancing over at Piper, the huge orange cat) Piper would make a better President than he would.
Nance: He really would. He is far more stable, and much more Zen.
Rick: Well, you'd have to be his translator. And nothing could get started until after 7 AM, when he finishes his breakfast.
Nance: And everything would have to stop again at 5 PM for his snack.
Rick: And again at 9 PM for his dessert.
Nance: And don't forget his Big Nap from 10 AM until 2 PM every day.
Rick: That's right. And sometimes he runs over and sleeps even longer than that. And gets another one in from 6PM until his dessert at 9.
Nance: So...basically, a rerun of the Reagan Presidency!

End Scene.

22 comments:

  1. If I weren't already committed to voting for myself for President, I'd vote for Piper. Perhaps as my VP?

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    1. Ally Bean--Piper lacks the Attack Dog skills necessary for a good VP. You know, they often are the President's mouthpiece for Things He Cannot Say But Wants To. And for an enormous cat, he has a tiny little voice, rarely used. I'd offer his sister, Marlowe, but more like a Typical Cat, she is capricious and unpredictable. Chances are good that she'd be unreliable for things like showing up to press conferences, meetings, etc. Now, dinners...she'd be there.

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  2. hahaha. I didn't live in the U.S. when Reagan was president, but recently read an article about how he pretty much slept through his presidency (and let Nancy run a lot of stuff?)

    Clink the glass: Yes, indeed: what IS she talking about? Come to that, what is Palin EVER talking about? We should curse McCain for ever bringing her into the limelight.

    Looking forward to your take on the repukian convention from a closer perspective. (I honestly fear some sort of major violence going on, so I hope it isn't too close to your home. I think you mentioned that your sons live closer to where the Big Circus will take place....) Are you saving your post on the letter T for the Trumpster Fire?

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    1. Ortizzle--Mrs. Reagan was in charge of President Reagan's schedule and a great deal of his staff and metrics, for certain. As I am unable to be serene and remain coherent if I delve too deeply into his term, I cannot say much more than that about the rest of her Considerable Influence. His reign irritates me to No End, and his canonization by the republicans frosts my cupcakes absolutely. It is ridiculous. Talk about The Role Of One's Career. Hmph.

      Clink the glass: She is an absolute Dumpster Fire, and what a constant thorn in the side of all Thinking People everywhere. What a Tragedy of a human she is.

      Convention: Its opening night is our wedding anniversary. We are about 30 miles west of Cleveland proper, but there are delegates staying all over the greater metropolitan area, even as far away as Sandusky, 45 miles west. My sons are only 5 minutes over the border to Cleveland, so my concern is greater for them. All the same, we are retreating to the lakehouse.

      Not saving my T post for A Certain Nominee at all. It would be incoherent. Ugh.

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    2. I didn't really think you would waste an alphabet letter on the Trumpster Fire. Speaking of which, I pretty much wet myself laughing at Bill Maher's description of the Drumpf kids: "Oh, the Trump kids: beautiful, poised Ivanka and the 2 sons: Dickhead Von F*ckface Trump, and Thurston Shitbag the Third."

      Meanwhile, back on the ever-wearying political scene: I heard on NPR this morning that the repukians are so enraged by Hillary's exoneration in "Emailgate" that they have already prepared a couple of new lawsuits against her, one of which escalates the FBI's description of being "entirely careless" to "reckless endangerment" of government security. Really? Really? What about the 22 MILLION emails that Karl Rove deleted from a private White House server? The Dems need to get just as down and dirty about Drumpf. Like, uh, *where are his tax returns*? What about his 3,500 lawsuits and the odious Drumpf University, which doesn't speak too well for standing up for the little guy. All of this makes me so sick, I just want to shut off the news entirely, sleep for a few months, and wake up after the election when I hope I don't think I am still having a nightmare. *sigh* #Incoherent !!

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    3. Ortizzle--LOL. I can hear Maher now.

      I am so incredibly tired of hearing the word EMAIL that I could vomit. It is boring. And Not News. There are numerous examples of Others in the other party using email improperly yada yada yada. YAWN. Spare me. SPARE ME.

      NOT. NEWS.

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  3. Replies
    1. Bridget--Oh, thank you. Just another day here at the Dept.

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  4. Hahahaha! I actually did laugh out loud - thanks!

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    Replies
    1. Bug--I am always glad to provide you with some giggles. Pass them on.

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  5. You sure got me that time, Nance!!!! I did not see that last line coming. Actually, it's too bad Reagan didn't sleep more during his Presidency;maybe we would still have a middle class if he hadn't encouraged manufacturing companies to go overseas where they could make lots more money hiring unskilled workers who worked 60 hours a week for very small wages.

    When he came into office in 1981 the unemployment rate was 7.5% In a very short time that rate went up to 10.8% as companies left for higher earnings overseas...

    Remember when only one person had to work to support the family? And, young people graduated from college without staggering debt? Reagan's policies put an end to that wonderful lifestyle we enjoyed.

    Last but not least, Reagan's Lebanon Embassy Tragedy makes Hillary's Benghazi episode look a walk in the park. In 1983 terrorists drove trucks of explosives into the U.S.Marine barracks in Beirut and killed 241 Marines. It was the worst attack on the Marines since Iwo Jima.

    Where's Trey Gowdy when you need him?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nancy--You are My Hero. I am so Effing Tired of hearing the republicans wax dreamlike and romantically about The Reagan Years that I could throw up in my shoe. Those were NOT good years for the Dept, let me tell you. You want to talk about The Wonderful Years? We can tell you when the Dept. thrived--The Clinton Presidency. Democrats always meant gravy for us. Every time Rick was laid off it was a republican presidency. And guess when we prospered, paid off our home and cars, bought our lakehouse, and I retired? Democratic presidencies.

      I love to read you when you are On A Roll with your facts marshaled. GO GET 'EM, NANCY!

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  6. You are hysterical!
    Hugs,
    Meredith

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    Replies
    1. Meredith--I'm assuming you mean it In The Good Way. LOL. XO

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  7. I'm laughing, but in that way people laugh right before dissolving into heaving sobs. I've been trying to write a post about Brexit since it is in our faces 24/7 here in the UK (and with good reason, mind you. It's terrifying) but it's hard not to see it as a horrible omen for the November elections. This just reminded me. Damn.

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    1. MsCaroline--For once, someone else's Politics has pushed ours off the Outrageous Meter. What in the Hell is going on in the Universe? Has global warming fried people's brains? Honestly, I cannot stand the Stupid.

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    2. This morning on FaceBook, one of my friends posted a meme positing that David Bowie's death had upset the fabric of the universe, and I think that's the explanation I'm going with. I have nothing else.

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  8. Hi, Everyone--I'm on an extended Jaunt at the moment. Be home soon. I'll catch up here and over at your spots then! XO

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  9. Recently I started a sentence with "I really loved what Lindsay Graham said..." and my son was totally astonished that I could love much of anything Graham said. But then I finished the thought which is the one that gives me some measure of hope. Lindsay Graham said, "There will come a time when the love of country will trump hatred of Hillary." He did not mean this to be favorable to Hillary in any way. He said it to awaken the GOP to fear their own candidate. But still...

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    1. NCmountainwoman--Oh, I completely understand what you mean. But I have often spoken positively of Lindsey Graham (whom I have also called Senator Oldlady Fussypants and Senator Clutch My Pearls). He may be a republican, but he is also a realist and I don't think his soul is completely black and tarry. And as a Presidential candidate, he was downright hilarious. Considering he is from SC, all of this is Astonishing.

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  10. Perfect. You hit the nail right on the head.

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    Replies
    1. troutbirder--Hello, and welcome to the Dept. Thanks for the kudos and the comment. Hope to see you here often.

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