Scene opens on living room. Rick is on one end of the couch, Nance--ensconced in jammies, fleece robe, and fleece blanket--is on the other. She looks pale and is holding a bottle of Tums. Rick--fully dressed in jeans and pullover--is holding his bigass smartphone.
Nance: Rick, I hate to ask you this, but will you give the kittens their dessert? If I have to deal with that wet cat food, I'll just--
Rick: (interrupts)--Of course. Right now?
Nance: No, not yet. They ate late, so wait until they ask for it. (belches loudly) Ugh. This is ridiculous. I feel awful.
Rick: (while studying something on his phone) I know you do. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Nance: No. Feeding the cats for me will be great. I wish I knew what this was, though. You feel fine. We ate the same food and we (belches) drank the same water. We didn't do anything differently. I've been fighting these waves of nausea and weakness all day! I had one small glass of wine on New Year's Eve. You finished the bottle. What IS this?
Rick: I know. And I don't know.
(After several more minutes, the cats begin to stare fixedly at Nance. When it becomes undeniably sinister, Nance says, "Kittens, do you--" at which point they catapult from their position and, in a single bound, land at their dishes at the back door of the kitchen, where Rick, at his leisure, feeds them.)
Nance: (upon Rick's return) What kind was it? Beef? That would have done me in for sure.
Rick: I have no idea. I just opened it and fed them.
Nance: Oh. Well, it was a new can. Did you sing the New Can Day song?
Rick: (gives her the side-eye) No.
Nance: Did you make sure to move aside any dry food in the dishes and put the wet food in a clear spot?
Rick: (looking at her now; patient) Nance. I never put wet food on top of dry food.
Nance: Did you mash it down with the fork for them?
Rick: What? No. I plopped it down in the dish. It was pretty soft to begin with.
Nance: But they don't bite it off of a big chunk, you know. They lap at it with their tongues. They don't eat like dogs.
Rick: (only slightly exasperated) Here they come. They look like it went okay.
(The cats saunter in licking their chops. They casually jump to the top of the couch back in order to look out the window; first, however, they each take an elaborate paw bath.)
Nance: Well, thank you for doing that...(here, Rick stares at her intensely, waiting; Nance inhales, pauses; exhales) very much. ( Smiles. Inwardly, Nance congratulates herself on keeping two Resolutions: (1) Choose to be gracious; (2) Choose to be grateful. Yes!)
Rick: (smiles) You don't have to thank me, but you're welcome.