Once a week, I do floors in the house. (I know: how very June Cleaver of me.) As I was Sharking the kitchen, I took a critical look at the front grill of the refrigerator and thought, I wonder if I should clean that someday. In consulting the refrigerator's manual as to how to remove said grill in order to do so, I was shocked. It told me not to clean it. There is no need for routine condenser cleaning in normal home operating environments, it said. I was pretty excited. There it was, in writing and everything. I read further, however, because I know from experience that, if there is more writing, there is always a catch. ...if there is significant pet traffic in the home, the condenser should be cleaned every 2 to 3 months.... What? What does that mean--significant? Of course my pets are significant! My pets are extremely significant--to me! Who in the hell has unimportant or insignificant pets? ("Oh, my! What a nice dog. How long have you had him?" "What dog? Oh, that? That's just some animal that hangs around here to finish up our table scraps. It's a nothing. We haven't even named it.") Needless to say, I cleaned that damn thing tout de suite.
Speaking of language, we have a quick guest spot from the Defender of The Language. A rather urgent missive arrived from California Math Teacher, and we wanted to address it right away. He writes: