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Sunday, November 25, 2012

Forgive Us, Al Gore, For The Dept. Hath Sinned

 
Part of Thanksgiving this year meant having a long weekend with Jared, my eldest.  He works at a job which gave him Thanksgiving and Friday off, plus the regular weekend.  Except for a night over at younger brother Sam's, Jay gave The Old Folks a thrill and hung out with us.  That's not to say that a few of Our Old Annoyances didn't pop up here and there.
 
Scene opens interior of small hallway with adjoining bathroom, master bedroom, dining rooms visible.  Doorway to upstairs suite visible, right.  Jared appears from dining room, wanders casually into bathroom and turns on shower.  Nance, in bedroom, is getting dressed.
 
Nance:  Jared!  You realize that we're leaving in less than fifteen minutes!
Jared:  (leans out into hallway)  Mom.  (insultingly calmly)  It takes me two minutes to shower.  It takes me less than two minutes to get dressed.  Seriously, calm down.
Nance:  (irritated)  Jay, you've had all morning to get in that shower.  For heaven's sake--
Jared:  (wanders back into kitchen via dining room)  Hey, Mom?  (something inaudible and unintelligible; after a moment or two, slowly wanders back in)  Never mind.  Got it.
Nance:  (styling hair now; grabs can of hairspray; applies in short, angry bursts)  Holy crap.  Hey, Jared?  Al Gore called.  He wondered why the shower has been running all this time and you're still not in it.
Jared:  Tell him 'Same reason you're using aerosol hairspray.' (walks into bathroom and gets into shower)
 
End Scene
 
picture found here

13 comments:

  1. Two minutes to shower? Two minutes to dress? Oy vey. What different worlds Jared & I live in. ;-)

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  2. My husband can get ready in about 5 minutes. It takes me 1/2 hour (I have long hair). It takes our daughter 1.5 hours. Sigh.

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  3. Son and I have had a very similar conversation ... the shower running for what seems like forever without him in it, how little time it takes him to get ready and the fact that we should not be panicking, some grievance that I commit on a daily basis that doesn't allow me to yell at him for harming the environment(although for the life of me I can't think of one right now ... hehe). I can totally relate to this one, Nance!

    Shirley

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  4. Shirley--And yet we can remain secure in our perfection. Right, Shirley? Sigh. I do miss Jared when he hasn't been around for a long time, but his...habits are much easier to laugh about when I'm not dealing with them on a regular basis. Absence does make the heart grow fonder!

    j.@jj.com--I still need about 35-40 minutes to get ready because not only do I poke around (Parkinson's Law!), but I do have to do my hair. Rick's hair is much longer than mine, but if he is pressed for time, he'll just pull it back in a ponytail. Jared has pretty much shaved his head, so he has no Hair Time. WHICH IS INFURIATING. Sam is far more worky getting ready. He likes a wardrobe consult, messes with his hair, dawdles, then once he is in the car, has to decide on the right music for the drive. His preparations are epic. Don't lets ever put Maya and Sam together. We'd never go anyplace!

    Ally--Oh, dear, we all live in a world different than Jared. LOL.

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  5. I recall an old Lily Tomlin joke dating back thirty years or more, so I paraphrase: "I resent losing the ozone layer just so we can have PAM". I think of that line often--like every day when I spray the stuff in the little frying pan. Bless me, Lily, for I have sinned.

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  6. Mike always showers right before we leave too - it takes him maybe 10 minutes total to get ready. But then he's all hot from the shower & I've cooled off from the shower I took AGES ago & we fight about the temperature of the car for a while :)

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  7. LOL! That is awesome! Belated Happy Thanksgiving Nance. : )

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  8. Lisa--Oh, there you are! Thank you. Hope yours was lovely.

    Bug--Hee hee. Poor Rick is resigned to a sweltering car by now. Our bigger snit is him showering and leaving a steamy bathroom in which I then have to dry and style my hair. Oh, the travails of a tiny house!

    fauxprof--Yeah, good point. Why isn't that stuff non-aerosol by now? And why can't I pour my olive oil into any regular spray bottle instead of paying big bucks for a Mr. Misto, which never really works correctly or lasts very long? (Maybe my last question, in a way, answered my first question...?)

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  9. Yet another example of Jared = my daughter, except in the length of shower time. She too has almost no hair, as she wants it extremely short (less than an inch long) to fit into her helmet when riding and keep her head cool when she's not. She also can be ready to leave the house in five minutes.

    She would be on the Olympic shower-taking team if the length of the shower was part of the judging. We live in an apartment building with unlimited hot water and she takes complete advantage of this fact every day. Fortunately we usually do the bathing thing in the evening before bed, so it's not like we have to be somewhere. Otherwise I'd have to kill her.

    The attitude displayed with many comments directed my way is also eerily similar. It occasionally gets to the point where a Smackdown is warranted, and then it eases up for a while. Apparently when you're twenty-anything, you know Everything.

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  10. LaFF--Oh, yes. That's why the similarity exists. It's maddening for Them, The Twentysomethings, to see their doddering OldParents fartle around and be so clueless and annoying. If only we would get out of the way and let them Live Their Lives, Sinatralike, Their Way. Wouldn't it be wonderful? LOL.

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  11. The whole "getting ready" ordeal can certainly be a bone of contention in any household. Mr. O. is half bald, and the rest of his hair is barely enough for a DNA sample, so he could potentially be ready in 5 minutes. Usually it's around 10 minutes because he likes to soak up the shower water until his fingers are pruny. On the very rare occasions when I am actually ready before he is (only because I would have started my ablutions and toilette at least 30 minutes before him), he decides that he has plenty of time to go into metrosexual mode and start plucking out unruly eyebrow hairs. This is OK because, by his calculations, we can still make it to the movies in time for the popcorn ads. And I'm OK with that.

    Our conflict, and it is eternal, is that he decides he wants to go to the 7:30 movie showing when there is just enough time for HIS grooming, but virtually none for MINE, since I always take longer. I decided a long time ago, for the sake of a continuing marriage, that I will happily walk out the door looking like the proverbial bag lady as long as he does not pretend not to know me.

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  12. I hope this link goes to today's Zits, because it made me think of what you said about Sam:
    http://www.arcamax.com/thefunnies/zits/s-1237785

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  13. J--LOL. I read that strip in the Plain Dealer and immediately thought of Sam as well! How nice of you to do likewise, and to take the trouble to link to it here. Thank you!

    Ortizzle--Oh, that would be The Day in the Dept. that Rick would A)expect me to leave the house looking less than perfectly groomed; and, B)ever pretend not to know me for Whatever Reason. Both are punishable by death.

    You are, obviously, a far, far better person than I. As my penance, I will go to the grocery store today and try to do a little more holiday shopping.

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