Monday, February 14, 2011

How Can This Be Only February? My Tragi-Meter Points To At Least Late March, And Self-Pity Springs Eternal

Sorry to take issue with T.S. Eliot, but I'm here--barely--to tell you that it's February that is the Cruellest Month. When the weather chick gets breathless announcing that we'll climb into the mid-twenties (!!), you know things have reached Maximum Suckage And Holding.

As a result, I'm scattered and fragmented and In The Slough Of Despair, and even Walt Whitman can't lift me this time. (Especially to hear him droned and desecrated by disengaged juniors who, unless Walt has, like, a MyTwitFace presence, really, like, has, like, nothing to say, like, what page is it on again?)

Yet, I press on. Allow me to shake loose a few clingy clutterbits from my random-bin, and we'll see if anything entertains.

+:+The snow, my lord, the snow. There was absolutely nowhere else to put it, and the driveway had two inches of ice on it. Yesterday, the temperature skyrocketed to almost 40, and I was able to go outside and actually look around a little before getting into the car, which prompted this dialogue as I walked near the side of the garage:
Rick: (nonchalantly) Oh, by the way. I hit the garage over there with the snowblower.
Nance: (surveys damaged area, eyes widening, mouth agape) Oh my god! Why...well...what on earth did you expect me with this...information?
Rick: (calmly, not looking at her) Process it and try to move on. And when it gets nicer out, remind me to replace those pieces of siding.
Nance: (staring at him as if he just landed on the planet) What?! Are you...? Do we even have those pieces of the siding?
Rick: (already in the car) Of course.

+:+ Somehow, Piper and Marlowe are...well, fat. On just dry cat food and water. Do not laugh. I am beyond distraught about this, and I have put them on A Diet. I bought diet cat food, and I only feed them twice a day, the recommended amount each time. No table food, and the treats they get are only 2 calories each, and they do not get them every day. Needless to say, they are Very Unhappy, and Marlowe lets me know. Often. Equally distressing is our daily session of Forced Active Play. Piper's idea of playing is to lie there and watch Marlowe play. "Wow," he seems to be saying, "that is a lot of moving around that you are doing over there." He might roll over if a toy comes near him and then bat it with his paws, and sometimes he might stroll interestedly after the laser dot, but not much beyond that. Marlowe is much more athletic, which is due, in part, to her constant and flagrant disregard for the No Cats On Counters rule. And now that she is STARVING, she is up there all the time. A couple of days ago, my brain now turned to mush by School And Snow, The Deadly Combination, I uttered this memorable admonition to her when I found her hungrily scrounging in the (clean) kitchen sink:
"Marlowe! Look at you! Get out of that sink! What are you, some kind of animal?"

+:+ Speaking of felines, Sam's new kitten Madden may have been misnamed. Kaeleigh, Sam's girlfriend, brought up the login screen for her online class and then left her laptop on the table to go get something she forgot. When she came back, Madden was waiting for her next to the computer. Kaeleigh picked up the computer, and in the login box was typed "ben." He still answers to Madden, though, so maybe it's his middle name.

+:+ Politicians have to stop saying that they trust or have faith in the wisdom of the American people. What in the hell gives them this sort of confidence when there is so much proof to the contrary? I can show you, real quick-like, 6 reasons not to have any faith at all in the collective wisdom of the average American: US Representative Michele Bachmann, Candidate Sarah Palin, television show Jersey Shore, spray cheese in a can, the re-election of Bush 43, tea party sign carriers. I could also add reality television and TLC network, really. Birthers. Kardashians. Comme des Garcons toe shoes. Make me stop. Hurry.

The winter is Endless. I can't concentrate on anything, and I have been reading the same book for eleventy weeks. It's good, but I can't read and comprehend right now. I have adult ADD. Or Seasonal ADD. Or, I am just crabby and fussy. Either way, I need...oh, crud. I don't know what I need. Be wonderful for me in Comments.


  1. Dear Nance: Ditto, re: winter is ENDLESS! And please, please, please, politicians, DO NOT trust the wisdom of the American people. We teach the American people, trust us on this!

  2. Putting pets on a diet sucks. Happily, I took my dog to the vet, sure she was going to put her on a diet. She actually lost 1/2 a lb. of course, that was muscle mass, as she's getting old and is blind so doesn't get much exercise. Sigh. But no diet.

    Those shoes aren't illegal? Why not?

    I live in California, so Feb isn't bad. But I did time in Alaska, and I clearly remember it as being the worst month of all. I'm not sure WHY it would be worse than January. I think it's just because in January, there's still that afterglow from Christmas, and it doesn't seem SO bad. But then Feb comes, and it just feels like it's NEVER going to get any better. Ugh.

    History tells us that it will, indeed, get better. Spring will come. You will sip lemonade and wear sandals. Hang in there.

  3. Don't feel bad about having fat kitties. I've got my three hairballs that all eat the exact same thing at the exact same time out of the exact same bowls. I have a skin and bones cat, a perfectly sized cat and a giant tub of lard cat. What can I do? Nothing. They are what they are.

  4. Thank you for showing me I'm not the only one drowning in whatever it is I'm drowning in. Apathy? Ennui? We'll just keep reminding ourselves that spring will come and we'll feel better. Someday.

  5. I hear ya on the weather. It's raining out here a bit, and the high on Thursday will only be 51 degrees - dangerously close to the 40s. Even when I went snowboarding in Tahoe on Sunday (first time, damn my ass hurts), the high was in the mid 50s.

    When are you going to come visit? You need to do it during a winter so that the temperature out here is higher than it is out there.

  6. Anonymous9:00 AM

    As Agador says "don't worry its gonna pass".

    So. MD

  7. Is it bad that when I read "I'm scattered and fragmented," I thought, "ooh - scattered & smothered..." Now I want to go to Waffle House & get a nice fat omelet with a side of pancakes. Really, it's the only right thing to do in February...

  8. The Bug--I thought everyone called it "Awful House" and that no one except clueless travellers ate there. Is the food decent? I haven't eaten at one since I was probably 12 and on the road to Fla. with my parents,hostage in the back seat of a 1969 Buick LeSabre! And, my Issues With Pancakes...shudder. We need to talk.

    So. MD--That's Agador SPARTACUS. And it cannot pass soon enough is the Real Problem. (Why can I not drink at school? It would help immeasurably.)

    ClassySF--I am sorry that my sympathies cannot extend too far when YOU DO NOT SUFFER IN SNOW AND FREEZING TEMPERATURES. Did you really think your complaint was comparable? Good heavens. We hit 37 here today and the students were in flipflops, which, as you know, presents me with A Whole New Set Of Problems. Ugh. Anyway, I would love to come and visit, believe me, but flying right now is akin to Cruel And Unusual Punishment. Come and get me.

    Rose--We are too apathetic to feel ennui. LOL. Actually, that's not true because I can still muster outrage,annoyance, and malaise. Sigh. I heard today that pitchers and catchers reported to spring training for the Cleveland Indians. I felt a little like things were progressing. Also, I counted up, and I have 77 days remaining in the school year. Those are Actual Days That Require My Physical Attendance. I am out of triple digits. Hooray.

    J.--Sigh. I know. I just don't want to be embarrassed at the vet, nor do I want to have Piper incur any health problems. When did you get the third cat?? Feb. is even a "short month!!" How horrid. I don't drink lemonade or wear sandals, but I get the sentiment. I just NEED TO BE DONE WITH SNOW AND SCHOOL. REALLY REALLY BAD I feel like my soul is slowly being sucked out of my body every single solitary day.

    Carolina Linthead--I know, right? But the really scary thing is, what about these teapartiers and their ilk? What happened THERE?

  9. " Anyway, I would love to come and visit, believe me, but flying right now is akin to Cruel And Unusual Punishment."

    Oh, Nance, you are so right. I flew from Florida to Pennsylvania last weekend for my Granddaughter's baby shower and it was,just as you said, cruel and unusual punishment.

    The guy in front of me put his seat back so far I could have done a root canal on him and the kid in back of me kicked my seat for 2 hours. The last hour his ears hurt as we descended so instead of kicking he just howled.

    No food or drinks were served,of course. I thought I had accidently boarded ConAir. Also, something was wrong with the cabin temperature and some people were freezing (Blanket rental $7.00)and some on the other side of other aisle were sweating.

    Then we approached Philadelphia airport the pilot put the plane down so hard we bumped along the runway for the whole length.

    As we were leaving, the crew was apologizing for the poor flight. The Captain said to me," Sorry for that bumpy landing." I replied,"Oh, did we land? I thought we were shot down."

    Sorry for being so long winded but I really HAD to get that off of my chest.

    Also, Defender of the Language, please read my sentence about the crew. Which should I have written?
    The crew WAS apologizing or the crew WERE apologizing. HELP!

  10. Faith in the American people is what kept "Three's Company" on the air for so long.

  11. Trooper Thorn--LOL. Stellar point, that. The entire premise of that show was pathetic. And painful. I was 17 when that show aired, and even then I knew it was flimsy, sad, and just icky. Welcome to the Dept., by the way, and thanks for commenting.

    Nancy--I'm sorry your flight was so awful. I simply cannot abide what goes on in the AIRPORT, what with having to strip down and shuffle along a line like a criminal getting his food tray in prison, let alone what happens in the plane.

    As far as your collective noun subject-verb agreement issue, you would need to use the plural verb "were." The reason for the choice is that the crew did not apologize en masse, like a unit or choir, all at once. They likely did so individually, acting as individuals; therefore, a plural verb indicates this plurality. If the crew did something all at the same time, such as in this sentence: "The crew boards the plane an hour before takeoff.", then you would use the singular.

    Does that help you?

  12. Yes, that explanation does help me, Nance. I'll remember that in the future.

    Thank you!

  13. Dear Nance--

    1) Fat felines. Yes, we know them well at the Lounge. Two of ours weigh in at 16 pounds. Oh...the shame.
    2) Adult ADD. I thought I was the only one. I think what I'm really suffering from is acute brain damage after reading some of the worse student writing EVER in history of the planet.I plan to blog about this soon.
    3) Weather. I think I got Seasonal Affective Disorder just by reading your description of snow and ice. You have my deepest pity.
    4) You are wonderful. That is all.
    5) Do you know that I have no idea what you look like? None.

  14. Nancy--Glad to help.

    ApLo--Thank you for the support and shameless flattery. As far as what I look like, just imagine if Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and Patricia Heaton had a 51 and a half-year old daughter. That would pretty much be me. If that doesn't help, there's always the picture in my

  15. You need a good political demonstration, is what you need. My eldest has been attending the rallies in Madison, WI this past week. She carries a sign that says, "My Mommy is a teacher." The best tweet out of Madison this week? "Teachers, make sure to bring your red grading pens to the Capitol tomorrow, so we can correct all the Tea Partiers' signs." Oh, how I love democracy!

  16. Melissa B--I shudder already. Ohio is already a mini-WI. Our people are at the statehouse by the thousands, and our local association is sending busses on Tuesday. My heart continues to break for what my profession is reduced to in the public eye. Thank you, republicans, Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, and all the other NON-EDUCATORS for degrading my efforts in the classroom and turning me into a monster. How dare you; how dare you all.

  17. I tried to comment on this post from Facebook, but it doesn't seem to have worked.
    Winter has indeed gone on forever and we have at least another month of it up here. Sending warm thoughts (those I can spare) to you.

  18. Sister Sue8:00 PM

    Although I am NOT an idiot conservative or a big fan of canned cheese, I am, in fact, a reality tv junkie.

    PLEASE admit that you have watched Hoarders. It's ok. We KNOW you are an extremely intelligent Democrat, so you get a free pass. *YOU* can handle it! ;-P



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