It's a good thing we're not meeting for coffee because we'd be sitting for hours and hours, and you might get all jacked up on caffeine, whereas I--a decaf drinker--would probably be in and out of the bathroom a lot after having switched to Just Ice Water after my second cup.
Anyway.
I have a lot to talk about in no particular order, so let's get started.
So, I went to my superhero neurologist to try and figure out what the heck is going on. He ordered two dozen blood tests after a thorough exam. As the results came in--and some are still coming in--I was shocked to find out just how thorough Dr. B was being. He had my blood tested for all the hepatitises (hepatitisi?), various levels of vitamins and minerals and metals, and of all things, syphilis. I cannot wait to go back and see him next week for my EMG and to ask him Just What Kind Of Girl He Thinks I Am. So far, everything has been negative or within mostly normal levels. The initial diagnosis is Peripheral Neuropathy, but he is not sure of the underlying cause for it. I'm also getting a thoracic MRI to look at my spinal cord whenever the insurance gods/company says I'm allowed. In the meantime all I can do is take one day at a time. I cannot build strength or stamina; the condition does not allow for that. I miss my walks and my life. Honestly, I'm scared.
The book Orbital is beautiful and breathtaking on every page. As I read it, I felt transported and awed. The cadence of the book is somehow sweeping, yet measured. The language is poetic and majestic without being overwritten. I cannot tell you how many times I had to put the book in my lap and look up from it just to savor a moment of language.
Until I read this:
It's really something, this typhoon, Pietro says when he comes to join her. They watch it hone in on the Philippines and Taiwan and the coast of Vietnam. Its spiral flings clouds for hundreds of miles around a hole-punched siphoning eye. (p84)
My own eye felt hole-punched. With a big red-hot stabby thing. How could she? How could Samantha Harvey make this mistake? How did it get past editors? UGH.
Hone--to sharpen a blade or refine a skill
Home--to focus on a target or goal; to move or aim toward a destination with accuracy
This irritates me so mightily. It's right up there with the misuse of palette/palate/pallet (they're all different things, people!), and...well, to be honest, pretty much everything.
Still, 99.999% of Orbital is wonderful. Consider this extract from a paragraph:
Our lives here are inexpressibly trivial and momentous at once. Both repetitive and unprecedented. We matter greatly and not at all....death is so close. Life is everywhere, everywhere.
Speaking of books, I also finished The Wager, a terrific nonfiction book about a British shipwreck and mutiny in the 18th century. Engie reviewed it some time ago, and I was intrigued. I also discovered it was written by the same author who wrote The Lost City of Z, one of my favourite nonfiction books, so I knew it would be engagingly written. And it was. I have no quibble at all with the book, but there were several things that just astonished me. First of all, many, many of the career seamen on the ship DID NOT KNOW HOW TO SWIM. Apparently, this was not unusual among seafarers. How in the hell do men decide to join the navy or be a mariner, knowing they could be months or years on a boat that could be swamped by waves, fully cognizant that they could become shipwrecked or lost, and still say, "No problem. Swimming is not a skill I'll need when out on the seas with no land in sight"?
I think you need to read this book to marvel at all the other incredibly ridiculous decisions these men made in the name of service to the crown, personal honour, and loyalty to their commander at the expense of their own personal safety and survival. I wanted to smack them so, so many times. And tell them to GET REAL FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.
Walmart Needs To Make Up Its Mind About Aquatic Animals And Safety.On a slightly related watery note, if you've been a longtime reader, you know that if there is an animal story in the news, I'm all over it; that is my vow to you. Credit for this one goes to Rick, who knew I'd be charmed by the headline. I think you will be, too:
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ALLIGATOR NO LONGER WELCOME IN PENNSYLVANIA WALMART
I want to thank David K. Li, the reporter on this important story, who provides us not only with this fantastic headline, but the story and video that I want all of you to go read and watch right now. In case you are hesitating, the alligator--leashed--sits in the shopping cart whilst wearing a dress and, in another scene, luxuriates contentedly in a fur collared sweater in her owner's arms. This alligator is about as dangerous as a bunny rabbit, yet Walmart has banned it. “The safety of our customers and associates is our highest priority,” Walmart said. “We welcome service animals in our stores, but it is unacceptable to expose members of the public to potential danger.”
Oh, really, Walmart? This is pretty ironic, coming from the place that sold radioactive shrimp to thirteen states. And if you bought a bag of that irradiated shrimp, don't return it for a refund, say officials. Simply throw it away! Share that radioactivity with the world as it rots in a landfill. Did you eat it? Are you having ill effects? Contact your medical provider. Will Walmart pick up the tab? Oh ha ha it is to laugh.
Maybe seek some solace from your emotional support alligator. Just don't take it shopping with you when you go get your prescription from the Walmart pharmacy.
I don't get how college football is a bigass deal. Maybe it isn't in your state, but I'm in Ohio, and a lot of people here are huge Ohio State fans, and they are obnoxious about it. Here's what I don't understand: how can you be such a big fan of a college you never even went to? I got my undergrad degree from Bowling Green State University, and I could not possibly care less how their football team does. Ever. Also? Why does Ohio State get all precious and persnickety and call themselves The Ohio State University? Why the The? It's stupid. And pretentious. I automatically refer to all the colleges I went to as The now: The Lorain County Community College; The Bowling Green State University; The Ashland College (now University). I also took some grad classes at The College of Mount St. Joseph, but they legitimately have a The in their name. I urge all of you to add a The to wherever you went to school just to diminish Ohio State's use of it for prestige and to call attention to how positively ridiculous it is.
Okay! That was a lot. Tell me the The names of your schools and All Kinds Of Other Things in Comments.
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The doctors do love to be thorough, and unfortunately, a lot of patients lie about past activity. So even though you're weren't that kind of girl, they can't take your word for it. I had it happen with my mystery rash-tons of expensive bloodwork came back negative. I swear the doctor was disappointed when it wasn't hep B or Hep C or AIDS.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think sailors thought it was bad luck to learn to swim? And unfortunately the alligator is not a trained service animal, so Walmart has that right to ban. I frankly would want a shopping cart that an alligator sat in ( no matter how stlyish it is.)
The Drew U and The Rutgers U doesn't have the same panache as yours !
Enjoy the day, mysterious illness not withstanding.
-mbmom11
mbmom11--Hello!
DeleteI do know from watching "House" that everybody lies. I am beyond grateful for my doctor's thoroughness. Besides, it could be that he just doesn't trust my husband, right?
Interesting info about sailors. I know they had many, many superstitions; I didn't know that was one of them.
I think I'd rather have an alligator cart than some baby and toddler carts that I've seen. Kids can be messy, and in a variety of ways.
I like The Drew U--it rhymes!
Whoa nelly I do not know where to start. I mean, yay, you don't have syphilis? I guess I'll start there. But boy oh boy I sure hope that they get some answers for you soon, because this kind of exhaustion and inability to live your life the way you want really is awful.
ReplyDeleteHmmm what next, what next. I liked Orbital a lot and I completely missed that!
I am astonished when people can't swim and then operate watercraft. My son worked at the marina this year and there was an incredible amount of people that they'd have to send the rescue boat for because they flipped a jetski and couldn't swim. ASTONISHING. My parents live on a lake in the middle of Alberta and every single year someone dies because a storm comes up (it's the prairies!) and then a boat flips and the person isn't wearing a lifejacket and then they drown. This is a long run on sentence but you get what I'm saying. I mean, I AM a good swimmer and also I always wear a lifejacket while boating/ paddleboarding because you never know. What if something hits me on the head and knocks me out? It's the same as people biking with no helmets. A DUMB IDEA.
Well I shall have to leave my alligator at home if ever I go to the US again, particularly if I ever go to Walmart in Pennsylvania. All of these things seem unlikely.
Nicole--I know, right? Thank you. It really is frustrating to suddenly not be able to do...well, much of anything.
DeleteI cannot swim beyond a sort of purposeful dog paddle, but you'd never catch me waterskiing or getting on a jet ski. NEVER. I know my lane and I stay in it. Some people are either daredevils or just plain stupid. We see the same thing here on Lake Erie where storms and waterspouts can form very suddenly.
Please, if you do come to the US, don't put Walmart on your list. Pennsylvania has many lovely spots to visit, but that is not one of them.
I hope the doctors figure out what is plaguing you - and most importantly, how to treat it! It sounds so very awful!
ReplyDeleteI will admit I had to look up palate/pallete/pallet to make sure I was using them correctly. I will say my English education is very lacking. I went to a K-12 school in a rural town of ND and my education was subpar compared to my peers. I mispronounce many words because I never heard them uttered and after you say a word a certain way in your head for a long time, it's really hard to change how you pronounce it! I was a voracious reader so much of my vocabulary came from reading books, not from conversations.
I've always wondered why OSU calls themselves "The Ohio State University." I mean, is there another school trying to pretend to be OSU so they have to make it clear that they are "THE OSU"? I did not realize how big of a deal college football was until I spent a year in Charlotte. Southerners are VERY PASSIONATE about college football. I couldn't care less. I went to The University of North Dakota. We are known for our hockey program but I do not follow the team. I just really do not care about college athletics at all.
My BIL is an excellent water skiing - but he does not know how to swim! I find that to be an odd combination!! Granted he always skiies with a life jacket but still. How odd to learn that sport having not learned how to swim!!
Lisa--You bring up a terrific point about usage/vocabulary. I remember reading a thread not long ago wherein people were talking about the word Misled. So many people said they had always read it/pronounced it in their heads as "mizzled" or "myzled." They'd only read the word, never actually heard it pronounced to their knowledge. When they realized it was actually pronounced "miss-led", they were astonished. Many finally figured out what the actual word meant. And these were adults, not kids or teens.
DeleteI have to remember that not everyone's job was/is reading and correcting writing. I also have to remember that not everyone is a word nerd. Being like this, however, is not easy; trust me.
There absolutely is not a faux OSU out there trying to pass as the real OSU. Isn't it tiresome? I mean, who really cares?
Your BIL is definitely a head-scratcher. I mean, it's not like he can waterski in shallow water. Does he ever plan to learn? I'd be scared to start that sport not knowing how to swim!
The word I got wrong in front of other people was "Adirondack chairs." I pronounced it phonetically as "a-deer-un-dack." That really got people laughing. I have to take a break and focus before saying "Adirondack" so as not to repeat that mistake! I took it in stride. There are other words I mispronounce but I can't think of them now. Once you say something wrong in your head for many years, it is really hard to correct it!
DeleteMy MIL is also a retired English teacher and while Phil did not major in English, the apple does not fall far from the tree. But it's nice to have a keen editor in my life!
My BIL does not intend to learn to swim, but all 3 of his kids are great swimmers - 2 of them are on the swim team. It's quite odd that he never learned to swim as his grandparents have a home on a lake, and possibly owned it for his entire life? I know their family went to the lake frequently when he was growing up! There was never any question about whether I would learn to swim. It was a must since we also grew up going to the lake. My parents are both strong swimmers, too. My mom's father had the terrible experience of having a sibling drown when he was young, so he was determined that all of his kids would learn to swim. I need to ask my mom how they learned because in that era, swimming lessons were not common (my mom is 77).
I hope that soon I'll be reading about how the doctors have discovered what is ailing you and most importantly have a solution that's not too dreadful.
ReplyDeleteAs a fellow Ohioan in answer to your question "how can you be such a big fan of a college you never even went to?" I'll say that I grew up with parents who were OSU graduates. Thus during my childhood those football games were on the radio or TV every Saturday in the fall. I didn't graduate from OSU but watching or listening to the games now is one of the few ways I feel close to my late parents.
Ally--I love that watching OSU football makes you feel closer to your mom and dad. That's the best reason I've ever heard for watching college football.
DeleteThank you for your very kind words regarding my eventual diagnosis. That's my hope, too.
Unknown medical stuff is scary. Well, so is known medical stuff. I hope you get some answers and a solution. Meanwhile, you've kept your sense of humor and I enjoyed reading your snarky thoughts about college football, Walmart, and grammar. I watched the clip about the emotional support alligator. Who knew such a thing could exist? I have so many questions! What does an alligator smell like, if anything? How do they keep it from biting people? Does it really enjoy riding in a shopping cart? I enjoy watching pro football with my husband, but haven't ever gotten into college football. I went to THE Montana State University.
ReplyDeleteMG--You have very interesting thoughts about this alligator, and now I want to know if an alligator has a particular odor, too.
DeleteOur family has Football Sunday wherein we all get together and watch the Cleveland Browns play, enjoy some drinks, and have food. We do it at our house or at Jared's this year. Sometimes we go to the local brewery for pregame. We do NOT do this for college football.
Thanks for your kind thoughts here, and you're right--known medical stuff can be just as scary. Meanwhile, I'm trying to keep things in perspective as much as possible. Go Bobcats!
Boy, a lot to think about, laugh about and get annoyed about here! I need to read Orbital, having read so many good comments about the book.
ReplyDeleteYour doctor and the tests, wow. I was shocked when I went for blood tests about my stomach issues and they tested it for cirrhosis of the liver! What the heck...but apparently that disease is on the rise and doesn't just affect drinkers.
Now I want a support alligator. Shoot.
G Sue--Orbital is a meditative and gorgeous little book. I'd never read anything like it before and probably never will again. I hope you do read it.
DeleteI'm sure there are some people who would be disparaging about the volume of tests and sneer something about Doctors ordering unnecessary tests or trying to make a lot of money for their affiliated hospitals/labs (ridiculous), but I find all of that to be ignorant and neanderthal thinking. I'm very comforted by the thoroughness of my doctor; he's leaving no possibility unexplored to find out how to treat me and get me back to myself.
And your dogs might have something to say about you adopting an alligator!
It could not have been a radioactive shrimp that has cause your malaise? I am sure he checked for that, too. I have had as many as eight vials of blood extracted at one go and am considering foregoing medical attention of any kind. Yeah. Having said that, I do hope they find something fixable, quickly.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I read 'hone' and thought it was meant. A cleverly dissonant verb to describe the effect of the killing winds. But, yeah, 'home' would be a correct verb there.
Ah, books for my list. Thank you.
Re swimming. I was a lifeguard for many years and it has made me hypersensitive to the stupid things people do, whether lifejacketed or not, if they do not know how to handle themselves in water. But you need to have a chance to learn that; many of the able seamen of the wind navy would not have been near anything bigger than a pond or a wide place in a stream and you need deep water to learn properly. I taught a thing called 'drownproofing' (Also had an instructor's certificate). But then I think about what going overboard in the ocean from a wind navy vessel would entail and I estimate that most of them would figure they would be dead when they hit the water anyway.
A support alligator? Aw, come on.
My schools were as follows: public, Victoria and Prince of Wales, secondary, J L Forster, and university, Queen's University at Kingston. I have heard people talk about 'The Royal Victoria', referencing the museum in London I think.
Mary--I'm sure it is not shrimp. I haven't been inside a Walmart in decades. My dear Dr. B has checked me for Zika, even, and all sorts of other incredible things. I've had so many vials of blood taken that I'm surprised I still have some to give.
DeleteAs I said to another commenter (Bug), I'd be willing to grant poetic license to Hone there if only the word IN hadn't followed it. I think that adverb negates that theory. I stand by my judgment that it's an error.
Interesting theory about seamen not learning to swim because it may well have been useless. I understand, but seriously, why not err on the side of caution when you are surrounded by water? At some point, you're going to be in a smaller craft to take you ashore, right?
The medical issue(s) do sound scary and I hope you make it through the tests without pain and that the docs reach a diagnosis with treatment plan. But yeah, not having syphilis is a win.
ReplyDeleteI started reading a book about biblical interpretation, but was taken aback to see, right there in print, "the tenants of the faith". Gah! "Hone" vs "home" is an easy mistake to make, but it shouldn't happen in print. Where are the editors?
I read "The Wager" by David Grann, which I agree is well told. Sailing the seas at that time was so dangerous I am amazed anyone agreed to do it. And yes, some of the decisions made were just so ridiculous. Grann also wrote "The Killers of the Flower Moon" which was excellent.
On my most recent airline trip someone brought a cat on board. Given the way things are in the world these days, I would not be surprised if, on my next trip, someone brings an emotional support alligator on the plane.
CHM--Thank you. So far, the tests have just been blood draws. I don't have a problem with needles, so not a big deal.
DeleteTenants v Tenets is another very common error, but one that should never be in print. I do understand that not everyone is a word nerd like I am, and not everyone has made their living focusing on correct usage as I have. BUT--in a printed commercial source, there is just no excuse.
While I was reading The Wager, all I could think about was exactly what you just remarked--why on earth did anyone agree to become a sailor at all? I couldn't think of a single reason, honestly, and the description of scurvy alone sealed that deal for me.
Now that you've said it, I would NOT like to sit next to an emotional support alligator on a plane. Even the one in the story I referenced. I wouldn't mind shopping in the same store as one, but sitting next to one...no.
I'm so glad you don't have syphilis! Maybe your doc thinks Rick is a suspicious character, but it's also interesting that your symptoms made him turn in that direction. Unless he didn't mean to (like my recent hysterectomy snafu).
ReplyDeleteRegarding "hone" - I was thinking like Mary that maybe the author meant to use that word as wordplay. But probably not.
I can attest that North Carolinians are serious about their college football (maybe not on the same level as Texans, but still...). I never went to NC State, but my dad did for one semester, and so we are all State fans lord have mercy on our souls (they're not usually very good).
I have no response to the emotional support alligator because that is whack. I'm sorry. (However, I'm going to go read the story.)
Signed, The Bug, proud graduate of The Mars Hill College.
"Silva, a pastor at a Baptist church and a Brethren church, stopped just short of calling his worship of reptiles a holy act." Hahahahaha!
DeleteBug--It's true! Dr. B has never met Rick. I've always gone to see him alone. For all he knows, Rick might be a rascal and a philanderer. The test may well have been an act of love and protection. LOL
DeleteI'd buy your defense of Hone as poetic license IF the word IN had not been used. Then it would, indeed, have been a creative use. But no, I'm sorry, this is just an error. Period.
How great was that article and video!? And were your teams called The Mars Hill Planets? or Martians?
We were the boring old Lions, which makes sense because it was originally a Baptist school & apparently Paul did something on Mars Hill??? Hmm - might have to fact check myself. Anyway, Christians and lions, doncha know.
DeleteClaude the albino alligator is celebrating his 30th birthday this month. (I forgot to mention, he is a resident of the California Academy of Sciences in Golden Gate Park, mere steps away from the Botanical Gardens we visited lo those many years ago) I hope the emotional support alligator enjoys a long happy life as well. He’s better off avoiding Walmart, as are we all.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.calacademy.org/press/releases/claude-the-albino-alligator-turns-30-california-academy-of-sciences-celebrates-with-a
I hate finding typos and incorrect usage in books, and even more so when it’s a book that I love. It’s jarring.
College football is a big deal for CAL fans. Why does The University of California, Berkeley (Maya’s Alma mater) get to be CAL, when there are many other UCs in the system? I don’t know. I could not care less and have never been to a game, but we have friends (who did not attend CAL) who go all the time. I went to The San Francisco State University, where our mascot was Al-E-Gator (the team was the Golden Gators) and I don’t remember anyone paying any attention to the sports…but I was a commuter and never lived on campus, had a job and friends away from school. So who knows.
I hate that you are going through this health scare. I hope very heartily that it is temporary, because that is no way to spend the rest of your days, frustrated and feeling weak. UGH! I recently had a doctor test me for AIDS, which had nothing to do with symptoms of any sort, she just said it was the thing that they are testing for now, I guess it sometimes lays dormant. But gosh, I’ve been with Ted since 1987. Seems like a long dormancy. Anyway, I’ll bet Rick was relieved to know you don’t have syphilis.
J--I was unaware of Claude, but now I want to celebrate him by going on the Claude Quest. What a terrific idea--so fun! I'm sorry we missed him when I was in California, but we couldn't do everything in just one day.
DeleteI've been avoiding Walmart for decades and decades now. It's not that hard and it feels good.
College football is an enormous moneymaking business that has its tentacles into many, many enterprises. That's why the players wanted their fair share beyond a (free) college education. I don't understand how or why it is, but it is.
Honestly, I'm surprised Dr. B didn't test me for AIDS. He's tested me for so many things. Today we had to go into Cleveland for one blood test. I have no idea why. But I'm heartened that he's being so very thorough and acting like the Sherlock Holmes of Neurology.
Rick has been so supportive and wonderful during all this. I think the gravity of it makes him reluctant to joke about anything. But if I had tested positive, he's the one who had some explaining to do.
You're not kidding when you said you had a lot to say, and I'm here for it.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I'm glad to know you aren't that kind of gal, nor is Rick, that kind of guy. But I also love that your doctor is checking everything, because you deserve to get to the bottom of this. Sending up prayers and lots of positive mojo, you'll get an answer soon, that your Doc can hone/home in on the issue. I'm sorry that you are not living your best life at the moment; it really bites.
Nance, I never would have caught the hone/home in that book---you have the best eye for grammar.
Ok, Mr. Alligator. Where does one begin? First, it's not an emotional support animal; it's a rescue. Also, it's a freaking alligator. They are not meant to be pets. In Florida, it's against the law to keep one confined....maybe PA has different laws? I'm annoyed at people who bring dogs into stores. How do you think I'd feel about a large reptile? Not.so.good.
I rarely go to Walmart, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't purchase meat or seafood there. I've read that they get a lot of that from China. Ughhh, can you imagine?
I'm proud to say that I attended and graduated from The Palm Beach Beauty Academy. 🫣
So much great content here. I'm glad you don't have Syphilis. I love "What kind of girl do you think I am?" I do so hope that they figure out what is ailing you and how to make you feel better. It sounds rotten, and I'm sorry. I can only imagine how much you are missing your walks.
ReplyDeleteNever learning to swim and ending up a sailor? Yikes. I'm blown away that Lisa's BIL water skis but doesn't know how to swim. You're right, not much water skiing happening in the shallow waters.
I have heard great things about that book, and I'm not at all surprised that you caught that error. I admit that it probably would not have registered on my radar. You are a word smith for sure.
The Ohio State. Ugh. That rubs me the wrong way too. I attended The Saint Mary's College. (and there are more than one of those, I was at the small all-girls version in South Bend, IN) . . . which brings me to football. I've often said that I was smart to marry a man who went to The Creighton University, because I'm the only member of my family of origin without ties to ND football. For years when the kids were young, my siblings and folks would go into a sort of mourning period after a bad game. Meanwhile Coach and I were able to click off the TV and go back on with our lives. I do cheer more for ND now that Mini is there, because I know she will be thrilled to go to playoffs, etc as part of her college experience. But - we, my offspring and spouse, see things quite clearly. When Mini was a freshman and ND lost to Marshall - well, some student held up a sign during the game (for the life of me I can't remember what it said, but it referenced SAT scores and how ND was so superior to Marshall, etc.) that Mini took a phot of and sent in the family group chat. She was disgusted. So arrogant. When Marshall lost, she texted in the chat - Hope that kid feels like the ass than he is. There is a big rivalry between Ohio State and ND and I was at the lot tailgating before the game last year (?) and let's just say that meme you posted is very relatable. I recognize though that ND fans can be obnoxious, too.
I do remember hearing that about sailors, and it does seem ludicrous, but also makes sense because those were days before swimming lessons were really a thing? And it was often less-wealthy people who decided to be sailors or were pressed into service?
ReplyDeleteI am Canadian, so absolutely I am bemused by the whole college football thing (which ties into the whole 'disadvantaged people choosing something in an effort to improve their lives and occasionally getting royally screwed' thing as well, your post SEEMS meandering but is actually thematically coherent, I see you.
My school was McMaster University - not terribly auspicious. This was also my husband's school and my daughter's (which seems like it was an expected thing, but it was not). My son went to Elmira College (and played baseball for the Elmira Soaring Eagles) and Ithaca College (had an amusing experience trying to walk on for the Ithaca ... (googles) Bombers? Seriously?
Congratulations on not having syphilis, I guess, although a lot of really famous people have had syphilis - Charles Baudelaire! Franz Schubert! Leo Tolstoy! But I'm also really sorry, it is so freaking scary and frustrating when your body stops working and nobody can figure out why.
Oh, and the gynecologist who removed my Giant Fibroid asked if my husband had had a vasectomy, he then said "no other partners? Some women say 'yes, but the other one has had a vasectomy too'. I think they've both heard it all and assume that everyone lies lol.
ReplyDelete