Thursday, September 05, 2019

It's A Peanut Butter Thing

I grabbed my huge water tumbler just now and there was peanut butter on it. Not a lot, but enough to make me roll my eyes, sigh, and not feel the least bit amused by it. It's ridiculous how often I find small dabs or smears of peanut butter in the most out of the way places. And lest you think I'm babysitting a toddler, let me assure you that I'm not. And for those of you who are settling in for a husband rant, you're going to be disappointed.

It's me; I'm the Typhoid Mary Of Peanut Butter.

Honestly, it's embarrassing. That stuff gets all over me whenever I'm near it. It doesn't help that I'm into the peanut butter every single day, sometimes twice.

During the summer Rick eats the very same lunch every single day, a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich. He simply cannot face anything else, especially in the heat when he's out in the field. So, every night, I make him his Smucker's and Extra Crunchy Jif on wheat bread sandwich. As you can imagine, we buy a lot of peanut butter, so I get the enormous three pound jars, which are about eight inches tall, at the warehouse store. Once the level of peanut butter goes down in those jars, it's tough to maneuver the knife in there, especially in Extra Crunchy. Why don't the Jif, Peter Pan, and Skippy people put peanut butter in wide-mouth, squatty jars? Life would be so much easier! (And can we do something about that paper disk on the top that never, ever comes off cleanly and efficiently and that I have to wrestle with, resisting the urge to use my teeth? That would be terrific, too.)

As a child I had not much use for peanut butter. Now I am suddenly attracted to it like chocolate. A tart apple with peanut butter is my favourite lunch. Sometimes, I just eat a spoonful of peanut butter for lunch. Other hungrier times, a slice of toast with peanut butter and cheese.

Later, I find peanutty smears on my wrist, keyboard, phone, or nose. They could be on my sleeve, glasses, or refrigerator water dispenser.

It's...nuts.

I'm not a messy eater, and this doesn't happen to me with other spreads like butter or mayonnaise or even the strawberry jam. During my Nutella phase aeons ago, it wasn't a problem. And when I occasionally binge on (please don't judge me) marshmallow fluff, I don't mark a trail with it, either.

No, my dear friends, it's A Peanut Butter Thing. Is it just me? And if it is, any idea how I can clean up my act?


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33 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness - Rick's daily lunch sounds FABULOUS to me. I love crunchy peanut butter, but not the doc, so we don't buy it BECAUSE I SHOULD NOT BE EATING PEANUT BUTTER OUT OF THE JAR. Oh, and I do actually use my teeth to get that cover thingie off. Or a sharp knife, but that way is fraught with danger for me.

    I don't often find peanut butter everywhere, but when I eat marshmallow fluff out of a jar I do tend to get it all over the place. My mouth, my chin, my wrist where I hit the top of the jar when I was digging the last speck out of the bottom, my shirt, the steering wheel because it was a bad day at work & I took refuge the only way I knew how...

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    1. Bug--I buy both kinds because I only like creamy peanut butter and Rick only likes crunchy. It's not like the stuff will go bad; we both eat a lot of peanut butter.

      My father would lose it if he ever saw us use our teeth for anything like that. It prevents me to this day from opening things with my teeth.

      I don't get how peanut butter is my nemesis but nothing else--like marshmallow fluff--is. And you get fluff all over, but not peanut butter. It's just strange.

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  2. It is not just you... I have complained so much about how messy I am with Peanut Butter, over the years, that a friend of mine told me about a lovely spreader/ flat spatula that I could get from the Dollar Tree... It is approximately 10" long, has a wooden handle and a lovely stainless steel blade that is thin and flexible... I no longer find blobs of peanut butter or mayo stuck to me, or anything else that may be close to me while I'm making sandwiches. It has made my life so much cleaner...
    I hope all is well with you and yours, and that you get a chance to enjoy the cooler days...

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    1. Denise--I have one of those spatulas, but only one. And we don't run a load of dishes every day. Which means I'd have to hand wash that thing every day. Or buy four more of them. That spatula is helpful, but I still end up with peanut butter on me when the jar gets low.

      We're doing fine here; I hope you are too. Aren't these fall-like days just wonderful? My windows are all open and we're feeling so grateful the major heat is gone...for now.

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  3. I have to admit that while I'm notoriously clumsy around food, PB is not one of my messy situations. I don't eat it often so I suppose that cuts down on the messy factor. I'll admit that you've got yourself a problem there. Good luck.

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    1. Ally Bean--Lucky you! You have mastered that particular food, as I have spaghetti and, well, everything else! Count yourself among the fortunate.

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  4. I eat PB pretty much the same way you do (love it with apple slices) but here is my secret: when I finish I wash the knife or spoon, and the PB jar, and then my hands, whether I see any PB anywhere or not. So far I have not noticed any PB where it should not be. And as for crunchy vs smooth, I buy both kinds: smooth for me, chunky (with a thin layer of Nutella) for husband. I have never eaten marshmallow fluff but thanks for the idea. Can you blend it with PB? nutella?

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    1. kayT--Hello, and welcome to the Dept.! Your PB Hygiene Method sounds very wise, albeit worky. I will try it.

      I, too, buy both kinds for the same reason--I prefer things with no chunks, even ice cream, and Rick prefers things to be insanely chunky.

      Absolutely you can blend fluff with all sorts of stuff, but I usually just eat it straight out of the jar or dip biscotti or graham crackers into it. The Fluffer Nutter sandwich (PB and fluff) is a classic, but I've never had it. I just like marshmallow fluff for itself.

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  5. My p&j of choice is the same as Rick's daily sandwich. And I'm SO glad you wrote about how hard it is to get that darn paper seal off the new jars. I thought it was just me! Like Denise above I have a special spatula that is made for getting stuff out of jars and it makes life easier. I've never tried cheese with peanut butter, doesn't sound good but I'm going to try it.

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    1. Jean--Oh, you cannot beat Smucker's strawberry, ever. Once in a while, I'll get a taste for PB and apricot jam, but it is fleeting.

      That paper seal is unconscionable. It's like a Test of How Much You Want Your Peanut Butter. As I said below, they need to either make one tab appreciably longer or look at how the coffee people do it, like Maxwell House. I can yank those things off my decaf like a champ.

      Once in a while I use the spatula, but since I make them every night, I don't want to handwash a spatula every night or buy five spatulas.

      Do try PB and cheese. It's protein packed and quite tasty.

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  6. Not just you. Me too. I find peanut butter on my morning Sudoku, my trousers, my face in the post toast brushing of teeth. The depth of the jar is pernicious.
    Sometimes I resort to a long handled spoon, only to find it back on my fingers. Gah.
    I have no wise words, no cure.
    Just checked my keyboard for smears. Phew.

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    1. Mary G--Another kindred spirit! Welcome to the club. And I'm glad you see the need for short, squatty jars. I feel like that is they key. Am I a genius or an idiot?

      Even though you have no cure or wisdom, the comfort of a shared misery is quite something. Glad your keyboard is safe...this time! LOL.

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  7. Oh that paper cover with the foil under it . I always use my teeth to get it off!! Peanut butter is just so so sticky. That's why!! Just stickiness. :) I use PB2 with most of the fat removed. Its the powder. I put it in stuff so I don't get that jar stuff all over. I put it in shakes, I put it in a bowl with jam, (can't have too much bread). I make it soupier than real PB

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    1. kathy b--What is the deal with that paper foil thingy? It's the worst. And why no longer tab to make removal easier? Can't they copy coffee and use their system?

      Your powdered peanut butter would not make me happy, I fear. I also need the fat in my diet. But I like your explanation as to the Stickiness Factor. Makes sense to me!

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  8. I feel your pain ...................no solution. You just have to live with it (said the lady with a peanut butter smear on her face from an embarrassing apple incident and peanut butter schmutz on my jeans because I didn't notice some on my hand and well, now it is on my jeans.

    (Are you my sister from another Mister?????)

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    1. Dee--Forgive me, but I'm so glad to hear that you are similarly afflicted! In the Peanut Butter Realm, misery really does love company. I'm thankful that peanut butter is as healthy as it is, or I'd feel completely ashamed.

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  9. This is just SO TRUE. I had an apple with peanut butter for breakfast just a little bit ago - at my desk at work. I had to immediately go to the ladies room after to wash up, but still there is PB on my desk and a little bit on the arm of my chair. How does that happen???

    Oh, and I do love fluff too. I shouldn't eat it, but sometimes a spoonful is just perfect!

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    1. Vera--You just have no idea how warm, loved, and heartened I feel after reading these comments! I had felt like a Peanut Butter Pariah until now. Not anymore. Sigh. My heart is full.

      Marshmallows are actually a no-fat food, but of course they are nothing but sugar, sugar, sugar. If Haagen-Dazs made a chocolate marshmallow ice cream, I'd be in heaven; their chocolate peanut butter already exists.

      I'm currently out of marshmallow fluff, and this is by design. I quite embarrassed myself with the last jar. They need to make snack packs of fluff, like the lunch puddings. That would be terrific.

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  10. I love peanut butter, but don’t eat a lot of it. Ted eats a lot of it, and his PB of choice is Santa Cruz organics, creamy. It has zero sugar and zero salt, and is very tasty. One of those worky ones where you have to stir it and keep it in the fridge. Maya likes Santa Cruz organics, no stir chunky. It has added oil or something so you don’t have to stir and keep in the fridge. If I eat it, I generally go with Maya’s, because I don’t like cold peanut butter, and I eat it with Raspberry jam, Bonne Mamon brand. Santa Cruz Organics does not come in a big tub, so no problems with the bottom of the jar, but the stirring is an issue. (And it’s spendy) I generally leave Ted to do the stirring, because I hate getting peanut butter everywhere. Oh, Mulder has his own Peanut Butter too, because I can’t bear to spend as much on PB for a dog. He gets skippy natural, which does have sugar and salt, and I put his benedryl on a little spoon of it, and he LOVES it. I’ve only ever bought him creamy, though I think he would like crunchy too.

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    1. J@jj.com--I'd rather get spendy on other things, like wine and ice cream. We buy the little almost-pints of Haagen-Dazs, which are ridiculous--they cost as much as the almost-half gallons of regular ice cream. But they are worth it. And I buy spendy cat food, although all pet food is expensive now. And that is also ridiculous.

      When the cats have to take pills, I stick them in a lysine chew and they wolf them right down. I should crush them into a powder and mix them with butter. Marlowe--who meows tragically everytime I touch the butter dish--would especially love that.

      And NO ONE should be forced to eat cold peanut butter. That sounds like a punishment.

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    2. We don’t eat ice cream often, but when we did, it was often Haagen Dazs, and you’re right, it is expensive, and you’re also right about it being the best. Totally worth it to not get a bunch of air whipped in. Mulder’s dog food is also expensive, but then when I price it out and realize that this big bag is going to last 2 months or something, it’s not so bad.

      Cute that your cat loves butter. Has he ever tried margarine, and does he like that?

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    3. J--Marlowe came into a home that was already a Margarine-Free Zone. She has no idea it even exists; I plan to keep it that way. It's a good question, however; I'm not sure how discerning a cat's taste is in that area. Some of the canned cat food seems pretty awful to me.

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  11. why would you want to stop eating pb? Too many bad things in jif(for me). I love smuckers natural. you must stir the oil but just peanuts in it. thanks for sharing! Hide your sharpies lol

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    1. susan q--Oh, this quirk is not enough to make me stop eating peanut butter, ever. I'm committed to it now. I just finished a piece of leftover focaccia from dinner smeared with the stuff for my lunch.

      Jif is not the worst of "the worst", according to the food police. I just don't get too exercised about that sort of thing, knowing that the remainder of my diet is healthy: no fast food, no soda, no highly processed foods, and I cook every day. We each need our indulgences.

      The whole Sharpie thing is so pathetic. Do NOT get me started.

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  12. Hi. My name is Carolyn and I am a peanut-butter-holic. It's been ten years since I last binged on peanut butter, but only one day since I ate some. So I suppose I am a reformed PB-holic. There was a time when I simply did not buy peanut butter. My husband didn't care for it and I was an addict. I ate it as if each jar were the last one in the world, so I simply didn't bring any into the house. I'm not certain what brought about the change, but suddenly I no longer felt the same about peanut butter. I still liked it but never actually craved it. Weeks might go by now without my eating any even though there is a jar on the pantry shelf. No marshmallow fluff for me. I don't like marshmallows, not even in my hot chocolate in the midst of winter.

    There's not a thing wrong with loving peanut butter. It's a good food; full of protein, good fat and in your husband's case a fair amount of fiber. And remnants shouldn't bother you too much since you know exactly from whence they came. Unless they attract ants, but that's another story.

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    1. Carolyn--Thank you. I'm wondering if I'm going through a Phase since I was ambivalent about peanut butter for most of my life. I wouldn't say I crave it, but it's such a simple and flavourful food source that it's become an enjoyable staple/go-to.

      Now, marshmallow fluff--I go through spells with that. I do get a craving for it, and when I do, I grab a jar at the grocery store and indulge myself. It happens rarely (thankfully), so I don't feel to awfully terrible about it. Sometimes, I'll even grab a bag of the colourful mini-marshmallows and stick them in a big jar and put them on the counter. They look jolly and I can grab a handful every now and then.

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  13. I think peanut butter in a squeeze container would be best, I buy sour cream in it and it is brilliant!

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  14. Meredith--That's an interesting idea. It's great for snacking with peanut butter, I think, but I doubt it would be economical. The squeeze containers of sour cream hold less than the tubs do and are therefore more expensive.

    I think jam comes in those squeeze containers, too. For the infrequent users, it's a terrific idea.

    For the Borderline Dangerous Consumers, like me presently, I'd probably sit there and squeeze peanut butter directly into my mouth!

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  15. Peanut butter is just the best food EVER.

    At least now I have a dog that licks it off my hands when it's left over ... ;-)

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    1. Bridget--Oh, how efficient. Of course, then there is the small problem of Dog Spit, which is, for me anyway as a non-dog owner, somewhat unpleasant.

      I'm smiling in wonder at how the majority of my readers share the Joy Of Peanut Butter. It makes me feel like it is under-utilized, that it could have a Higher Purpose. Think of how it could Bring People Together!

      Peanut Butter: Bridging The Divide, Uniting America!

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  16. As a child, I grew to hate peanut butter with a passion. This was due to the fact that every single school day for my entire elementary school journey my mother sent me off with a peanut butter & jelly sandwich in my lunch bag. The jelly was O.K., but the peanut butter... not so much. For years I could not even stand the thought of peanut butter. Now... I love it in Reese's cups combined with the chocolate. And oddly (or not) I also like it on celery sticks. Must try it with a tart apple slice... this could be a comeback, lol! Apparently it is a good source of Vitamin B6, magnesium and potassium, all of which I need, so... maybe I should re-think Rick's favourite lunch. :-)

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    1. Ortizzle--Our childhoods can be such a huge informer for our adult lives in so many countless ways. I don't recall peanut butter being much of a factor in our diets at all, except for when we were flailing about for something to eat when "nothing sounded good." That was when my mother or father would suggest that we "have some peanut butter bread and/or a banana". Peanut butter bread simply meant an open face peanut butter sandwich.

      Peanut butter on celery is a standard--some people sprinkle a few raisins on there (the kid version is called Ants On A Log), but I don't Because Raisins. As Dear Shirley, a reader and sometimes commenter here says, Everything with raisins can be improved by substituting chocolate chips for raisins, most of all, a box of raisins.

      Somewhere, I have a recipe for a cooky bar called Peanut Butter And Jelly Bars. I think they are Ina Garten's. Maybe that would replace all those terrible (but most understandable) passions against PB&J.

      I hope you've been well. XO

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  17. Peanut Butter is rather like a Natural Glue isn't it, sticking to everything! I have no handy advice, in fact, I'm messier, since I'd get the Jam all over everything too... and Butter... and when I eat or make Salsa or Pico de Gallo, everywhere it ends up!

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