Thursday, June 13, 2019

More Free Wisdom And Helpfulness From My Readers: Part Two, The Things Others Told Us


This week we leave the homey atmosphere of the kitchen and its focus on cooking and head into perhaps the living room or coffee shop booth or office where we listen to some advice from a mentor or friend. We've all had those moments in our lives when, whether we've sought it or not, someone has told us something we needed to hear. That bit of wisdom arrived at just the right time, and we squirreled it away in our toolbox of Life Skills, taking it out as needed to hammer into shape some stubborn part of this project we call Living.

For Julie from Thinking About, it was her boss. He once told her, "You should celebrate everything that you can and want to because Life is hard enough; you might as well have some fun." She especially took this to heart when she found herself unemployed ten years ago. Julie says, "I looked for work, and tried not to worry about money, but I limited the time I was willing to spend looking for work. An hour or two a day, max. My theory was, there is a lot of bad that goes with being unemployed, the main ones being the money, the ego hit one takes, and the uncertainty of not knowing WHEN another job will come along. One should try to find the up side as well. So I took a lot of naps, walked the dog, went to matinees, borrowed books and movies from the library, had lunch with friends, and went swimming." Julie also celebrates lots of holidays, Canadian and American Thanksgiving, and anything else that sounds interesting.

I like this philosophy, which I read ages ago on her blog and took to heart immediately. It reminds me of how Rick and I don't keep track of the price of each bottle of wine in our cellar, nor do we believe in "saving" wine, per se. If we are together, that's occasion enough for a good bottle of wine. It also reminds me of my Creative Writing class. Every time my students finished reading a poem aloud in class, we all clapped enthusiastically, no matter what. I believe in a Lot Of Clapping, even now, for people in general. If I would not be looked upon as an Insane Person, I would clap for my cashiers. Seriously.

Ortizzle's wisdom arrived rather cataclysmically, during a breakup with her first serious boyfriend. His parting shot was cruel and ugly, but it stuck with her in a backhandedly beneficial way. Those words were "You should learn to keep your mouth shut." Many, many years later, she says, "I still haven't mastered it, but I am definitely a lot better than I was. My life-long instinct has always been to react verbally to nearly everything, and it has been a long, slow process of knowing when a few words will help and when they will hinder or make a situation worse, however much I feel they should be spoken."

Sigh. I learned this way way late in life. And like Ortizzle, I am still working to fight that instinct to weigh in, say what I know, correct some error, or generally blab. I recite Silencing Quotes to myself all the time: Discretion is the better part of valor. Less is More. Or, I'm reminded of Calpurnia in To Kill a Mockingbird, “It's not necessary to tell all you know. It's not ladylike- in the second place, folks don't like to have somebody around knowin' more than they do.”

Ah, To Kill a Mockingbird! That leads me to Reader Jennifer D., whose advice came to her from that book, from dear Atticus Finch. Jennifer D. wrote that she sometimes has "a tendency to get anxious about things and my mind gets carried away with the what ifs. In those moments it is helpful to me to remember the words of Atticus...when he tells his children, 'It's not time to worry yet.' It snaps me back to current concerns."

Longtime Readers here at The Dept. know of my profound love for TKAM. So much wisdom is contained in that novel. I learned a great deal about parenting from that book, from Atticus, and that it gives someone guidance and comfort in other ways does not surprise me in the least. "It's not time to worry yet" is something I often said to my children even as I masked my own anxiety and concern.  Perhaps this summer I'll read it again, despite the fact that I know whole chapters practically by heart.

I have one more post of this series to share. If you'd like to contribute, it's not too late. Email me: deptofnanceATyahooDOTcom. Have any of these Wise Words struck you? Chat with me in Comments.


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27 comments:

  1. I love the quote from TKAM: "It's not time to worry yet." We might instinctively still worry, but if we can scale it down and put it in perspective, it frees us up to deal with it and look for solutions. Worrying is sometimes a necessity; we just shouldn't let it overtake us and hence blind us in terms of being able to cope and scrape our way out of whatever mess it is that is casting a shadow over our lives. I recently watched the TKAM film and was inspired to go back and read the book again. Great books are always worth a re-read (or many).

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    1. Ortizzle--I think Concern and Worry are two different things. Worry is Concern on steroids. Concern is that workmanlike care that occurs in the case you describe: it allows us to figure out the best course when a problem arises. Worry is just fretting in general so you feel as if you're doing Something when really, you're not.

      I read an article recently in which the Gregory Peck peformance of Atticus was compared to Abraham Lincoln. A light went off for me immediately. I found that to be perfect. And I fell in love with all three of them all over again.

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    2. Love the nuance with 'concern.' That really puts it into perspective! As for Gregory... completely with you on that one as well. (He was the first actor I had a huge crush on... and not many after that even came close.)

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  2. I love ITS NOT TIME TO WORRY YET. How refreshing! Thanks for this one Nance

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    1. kathy b--Oh, you're welcome. My kind Readers did half the work, sending in their Wisdom and its backstory.

      Worry is such a monster, isn't it? Along with its twin, Guilt, it can pester and drain you until you're getting no pleasure out of Life at all. And they're both pointless! They live in Times we can do nothing about, the Future and the Past. I try to bar the door the minute they show up, and I'm getting better at that every day.

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  3. Yeah. There is one in there I REALLY, REALLY need to learn. I'm embarrassed to say .........I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut.

    Thank you, Ortizzle.

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    1. Dee--For so many of us, it's a Continuing Lesson, isn't it? It requires some real self-reflection to decide that we need to talk less and listen or tolerate more. I'm in the fight right there with you!

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  4. "It's not time to worry yet" applies to so many situations. I need to remember that bit of advice. My great-niece who teaches high school literature says they aren't going to be teaching that book anymore.

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    1. Jean--Lots of curriculae are moving away from a classical literature slant and toward more inclusive, modern works. I hate to see TKAM leave, but there are a lot of other newer works which have its themes and literary elements that are in a more high-interest form. I hope it remains on lists for summer reads and suggested reads. It still has so much to offer.

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  5. These are all great sayings to remember. I can't believe I still have not read TKAM!!! I need to get on that.

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    1. Vera--I know that you and your husband often read books together. Maybe this could be one of those. Have you seen the film?

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  6. What about 'There is no point in worrying; it will happen or not.' Something to tell yourself, but will you listen?

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    1. Mary G--Yes, truly, worrying is pointless. It is the epitome of wasted energy, as I described in my response to kathy b, above. I have gotten much better at listening to myself about such things. Turning 60 last month was sort of a Pivot Point in life for me. I decided that I was going to start living much more happily in my head and let a lot of stuff loose. It's been a revelation.

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  7. I've been reading sporadically but hardly commenting (much less blogging) due to craziness in our state of being (left England after 4 years in April: temporarily relocated to Texas: slated to move to Germany in what the company vaguely described as '3-6 months' but is turning out to be really more like 4.) We are heading to Amsterdam in about a week to witness Son2's graduation from the University of Amsterdam, and returning to frantically throw things into storage (which just came OUT of 8 years of storage about 6 weeks ago) before heading back to Deutschland (assuming the Company have got their acts together by then) Oh, and did I mention we're trying to sell our house, which appears to have been inhabited by Vikings/Mongol hordes the entire time we were abroad? We've both aged decades trying (and mostly failing) to whip it back into marketable shape, not to mention we've spent scads/gobs/swaths/gouts of money repairing/replacing the fallout of 8 years worth of renters.) I love 'It's not time to worry yet' but am going to add to the list my own mantra, attributed to Saint Julian of Norwich: "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." At this time in my life, I don't think anyone would question the fact that I'm walking around mumbling repetitively under my breath, and I find the repetition of this wisdom quite comforting. I'm not sure that anything I'm dealing with in the 21st Century is even close to what St J of N was experiencing in the 14th, but it does remind me that things do have a way of working out. Thanks for the wisdom, and I look forward to engaging again with the blogosphere once the dust settles either here or abroad....

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    1. MsCaroline--WHEW! That's a lot! I hope the dust settles very quickly indeed and that you are soon settled in all arenas of your Very Busy Life. The transition from England to Texas must have been a Culture Shock of seismic proportions. Goodness.

      Take care. Thanks for stopping by and updating us.

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  8. TKAM is the best book ever and we can all learn so much from it. My father's God father was Edgar Guest, the poet and one of his lines that my father always quoted was, "Somebody said it couldn't be done but I with a chuckle replied, I wouldn't say so until I've tried." I sure that is not the exact words but those are the words my Dad would quote to me.

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    1. Meredith--TKAM is my favourite book. I also loved teaching it. Its themes are timeless, as are its characters, especially Atticus and Scout Finch.

      That poem by Edgar Guest, your dad's godfather, is probably often used as inspiration. Here it is, in its entirety. It puts to verse the idea that there will always be daunting things in your life as well as people who doubt your chances for success or those who merely stand by and naysay. The only way to really know if you can do something is to get in there, try your hardest, and do it.

      The only issue I take with the poem is that it doesn't allow for failure. Lots of people try very hard at things, yet they fail. Trying hard does not ever guarantee success. It's the Myth of "You Can Be Anything You Want To Be If You Want It Or Work Hard Enough For It." That's just not really true. But allowing yourself to just accept failure without ever trying--that's never okay, and that part of the poem's spirit I really appreciate.

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  9. Words that have stuck with me through the years I first heard being uttered to Lawrence Olivier in his mesmerizing role as Hamlet in the movie my English teacher took us to see as an introduction to Shakespeare: “to thine own self be true”.

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    1. Joared--My father used to say that all the time. The second part of that quote, however beautiful, is sadly untrue. We have only to look at the White House to see that.

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  10. So much to love in the post and the comments here. I will try to count some of the things I love.
    1. I love that you do not save wine. We do not either, though I confess that if we have a special bottle, I will try to make a meal worthy of it, even if it is only Tuesday night dinner.

    2. I love the line about worry. I am a bit of a worrier, and my daughter suffers from fairly serious anxiety. That mantra might help me, and I will tell it to my daughter in case it can help her. My grandmother was a world class worrier, and if there was nothing specific to worry about, she would worry that something was SURELY going to happen soon enough. Perhaps this view was the result of losing her infant son and then her husband just a couple of years later, when she was very young. I’m afraid she felt like the world always proved her right in her worries, she outlived another husband, and 3 more children. Sigh.

    3. Learning to shut up. Well, that’s a hard one. It seems to be something that women learn more than men, perhaps as you say above because it is not considered ladylike to talk so much. I have gotten better about saying some things, learned from Ma in Little House. “If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek, five things observe with care. To whom you speak, of whom you speak, and how, and when, and where.”

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    1. J@jj--The only time we save wine is if we buy a special bottle, such as for our toast on Christmas Eve. We currently have an expensive bottle in the cellar which we bought for just that purpose. But if some extraordinarily joyous event occurs, we'll open it to toast that.

      I've been a worrier like that before. My worries have proved me wise: bad stuff happened as soon as I let my guard down. At least that was how I saw it. I have since redirected my thinking--gotten a different perspective--and realized that I was ruining the good moments by waiting for the bad.

      Oh, gosh! I read the Little House series like it was my job, and over and over again. And I was so disappointed in the TV treatment. Ma's saying is a rather lengthy way of saying Don't Gossip, but it's so true. It's kind of a Thumper Rule variation, too.

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  11. There are four books that I revisit annually; TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN, THE POISONWOOD BIBLE, and ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF SOLITUDE. All four contain many memorable quotes. Perhaps my favorite is from 100 years: "There is always something left to love."

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    1. NCmountainwoman--I, too, am a huge fan of A Tree...Brooklyn. I think of Francie every morning as I pour most of my second cup of coffee (cream and sugar) down the drain.

      Your favourite quote is very plaintive and poignant. It reminds us to find something positive, always, amid the negative.

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  12. You'll find this hard to believe, but I do tend to overshare (<= me being facetious). I remember after one Youth Sunday after I had delivered my sermon my father said that I didn't have to disclose EVERYTHING to EVERYONE. On that occasion all I had said was that some Sundays we didn't want to come to church, so we read stories out of the Children's Bible. I didn't get what the big deal was. And sadly, I still have trouble understanding when it's better to just leave something unsaid. I'm a LOT better than I used to be, but still... One thing that helps is if I imagine putting it on my blog. If it's not blogworthy then it's probably not something I should be talking about. Of course, as you know, there's not a lot that I don't put on my blog. Or there used to be - I'm not much of a blogger these days. Sigh.

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    1. Bug--I think Overshare is the norm these days. I'm astonished at what people put on social media, which is forever, these days. And what people share about their children, who have no say-so in the matter. And I'll never get over the Creepiness Factor of those who use children and grandchildren as THEIR avatar for online. ICK ICK ICK ICK.

      You still blog on average once a week. And you have a loyal following. You do you!

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  13. I don't celebrate much of anything. It's not that I'm ungrateful, it's just that I never think of it. Maybe I need to put notes to myself in my datebook to remind me to kick up my heels. As for oversharing, saying too much-- I'm open in real life but online I am more reserved. When it comes to people and relationships I go by the adage: love many, trust few, learn to paddle your own canoe.

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    1. Ally Bean--Some people are not natural Celebrators. It doesn't feel authentic to them. They are sort of Even Keel People: they stay at a sort of level pleasantness, and that does it for them. I know lots of people like that. It's not a Bad Thing.

      I think we're relatively similar in our online presences. I don't use my photo or my full name or my exact location. I'm not trying to be mysterious; I simply value my privacy. And all of those details are really not germane to my writing.

      Your personal saying is sage, and I find that we have that in common also. I am generous with my kindness and affection, but I have learned to trust fully only myself. I am often independent to a fault (asking for help is very difficult for me), but being this way has saved me from more than a few disappointments. I bet it has been the same for you, too.

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Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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