Friday, December 07, 2018

Be Careful What You Wish For: A Little Sunshine Is A Dangerous Thing

Today one of the worst possible Nance Domestic Equations occurred, and put simply, It Was Not Good. It set into motion a chain of events that became frantic, manic, and so far-reaching that it just may cancel Christmas here at The Dept. as we have heretofore known It.

I was unready for this Perfect Storm, and when the maelstrom was upon me, I was already so in the thick of it that I was powerless to stop it. The momentum of my astonishment, anger, dismay, and industry carried me on until I was literally too spent to continue. And when I now ponder a Christmas tree and its worky luxe...I feel I might take to my bed (ah! if only I had a fainting couch!).

What on Earth were the Terrible Factors in this Equation, you ask? What Horrific Elements conspired to bring about such Disastrous Results?

Here they are:

Bright Sunshine Streaming Into My Kitchen
I Had A Rag In My Hand
Rick Was Not Here (To Stop Me)

It was, in a word, scary.

I was like a woman possessed, a Whirling Dervish of Windex, a Tasmanian Devil of the Dishrag, and a Hurricane of Scrubbery. I cleaned in a fever-dream; the sun mocked me ceaselessly, showed me everything.

The broom in my hand swept me into the dining room where the sunlight sparkled on cat hair in the corner, just out of reach of the vacuum. I traded in my wet rag for a dry one and a can of Pledge, knowing they would lead me to the leather furniture and more tables and shelves in the living room. It would be Eternal, Endless, Infinite. Would Rick never, ever come home? Would the sun never set?

Would I die?

On and on it went. I vacuumed. I unloaded the dishwasher. I emptied wastebaskets. I dusted and tidied the desk in the office. Hysterical, at one point I even considered bathing a cat. At that moment, I knew Things Had Gone Too Far. I had to, somehow, rein myself in. I realized I had not eaten all day. Was I delusional?

I went to the kitchen to forage for a snack. It looked beautiful--so clean and perfect. And...dim. Suddenly, I realized that it wasn't so sunny anymore. I took a look out the window and saw a milky sky with gathering grey clouds. And felt myself relax. It was over.

I am exhausted.

30 comments:

  1. I feel your pain. Too much light on the subject shows all the flaws. A photographic principle that translates to domesticity.

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    1. Ally Bean--There you are! You've discovered the ID that allows you to chat here. So glad!

      I hadn't thought of the analogy to photos, but it's a good one. Yes, some light is merciless and unkind, and sadly, it was all in my kitchen today. Sigh.

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  2. This was a delightful description of a domestic dilemma! Loved it!!! Thanks for making me smile!!

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    1. Hi, Ellen D., and welcome to the Dept.! Thanks for the kind words, and I'm glad to hear it gave you a grin.

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  3. God bless blinds. There are days when the sun energizes me and I start to lose my mind. The blinds are there to remind me that all that energizing sunshine will make parts of me hurt I will need to use tomorrow, so I close them just enough to do my daily chores; stopping myself from going crazy with the cleaning.
    I have already completed my fall cleaning. Daily cleaning, is all that gets done until the dreaded Spring cleaning time comes, next year...
    Wishing you and yours A Very Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!!!

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    1. Denise--Don't get me started on blinds, which I have banished from my house. They are the worst for me--they collect more dust than anything else. I have yet to figure out exactly How My House Gets So Dusty.

      I did Fall Cleaning, too, in just such a frenzy as this one. Maybe we need to start a Go Fund Me page for maid services in order to save our sanity. LOL.

      Best Holiday Wishes to you as well!

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  4. I don't know how I missed this post, but that sun can be a dangerous thing. LOL

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  5. This kind of thing happens to me VERY RARELY. It's like I have blinders on & never notice anything outside my laser focus (just ask the good Doctor - it's one of things that makes him crazy about me. Not the good kind of crazy.). I hope you recuperate enough to do the worky tree - it would (probably) be worth it!

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    1. Bug--I think being home more (Retired, you know) makes me hyper-aware of my surroundings. Another byproduct of Retirement is a bit of Guilt--as in, "Rick is still working, so I should be Working by keeping a spotless house." Your laser focus is merely directed on Other Things. Lucky you!

      We did go get a tree yesterday. That was another adventure made more ridiculous by my angst. I think I am having some Hormone Hijinks or something. Sigh.

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  6. Ugh, I hate the sunshine at times like those. My kitchen gets the brutal morning sun, and it is the stuff of nightmares.

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    1. J@jj--And you have a fluffy pet, too. I knew you would understand.

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    2. Enjoyed your humorous tale describing your cleaning frenzy. I could use a bit of that fury at my house, but can’t maintain such a pace any more. Meanwhile, I try to not look too closely in the nooks and crannies. Need to get this interior in better shape so can hire someone to go through it cleaning like the whirling dervish you describe.

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    3. Joared--And I don't WANT to maintain that pace, believe me. Nor did I want that illuminated view! But at least it's done now...for now. That's the most devastating part, isn't it? How it all simply Doesn't Stay Done? So many Sisyphean tasks in the lives of us women! At least it all gave my readers a bit of enjoyment.

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    4. Digressing....I don't recall when you wrote about the annoyance of “passing gas” in public, but thought of you when I read this news item — wondered if you had seen it? https://www.miamiherald.com/news/nation-world/article222355795.html

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    5. Joared--First of all, thank you for thinking of me!
      I read the article you linked to with a mix of horror and amusement. Goodness! My reference was to a fashionably dressed older woman who was tootling along with nary a care, and I was more taken aback and impressed than offended.

      I'm stunned that anyone would say something about it to the GasPasser, no matter the venue.

      Thanks for the heads up on this article.

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  7. Oh how I hate when that happens! I love winter light...but I really detest that it shows EVERYTHING.

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    1. Vera--Thanks for feeling my pain. Winter sunshine is so rare here in NEO that I truly see it as a gift. I just don't like what it makes me see.

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  8. I have two words for you: CLEANING SERVICE. Like you I often went into a cleaning frenzy, especially when I was working. When I was so weakened by my chemo, we hired a mother/daughter cleaning service. After a month or so all the rooms had been "deep cleaned." Now that I am able to do the cleaning, I still use them. It's worth every single penny. Everything feels so much better, especially me.

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    1. NCmountainwoman--Perhaps I'll write to Santa.
      I'm so glad you're feeling better these days!

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  9. Just fyi - I keep trying to reply to your comments on my blog and they get kicked back - apparently you come through as a "no-reply blogger.......

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    1. Vera--I have no idea what that means or why that would happen. Do you reply via email or right on your site? Dee replies to my comments via my yahoo email, and lots of other bloggers on a variety of platforms reply right on their sites. My email link is in my sidebar under "who's in charge here". If you put your cursor on the "click here", it will show my email addy down in your taskbar area (at least it does in Chrome). Let me know.

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  10. Hahahahaha. Allison told me last night that after I vacuumed for the 14th time last Christmas visit, (Hyperbole) she begged me to stop. Well this year, no party for 30 like last year. Just the 4 of us........so I agreed . Minimal cleaning! I reserve the right to turn the remote controlled vacuum on this year .

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    1. kathy b--You get me! Rick vacuums, and it's a 5-minute affair. I vacuum, and it's at least 30 minutes, going over and over and over the same areas. I covet your Roomba or whichever automatic vacuum you have. How do the cats like it?

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  11. You make me laugh my friend. Glad you had a good clean up and then were able to relax.

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    1. Meredith--As always, I'm happy to have made you laugh. And happy to have had a cleaner house (for however long it lasted).

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  12. TSCV, temporary spring cleaning virus, rare, but usually quick, short onset. passes quickly.

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    1. Silliyak--Hey! What a treat to see you here again! Thanks for stopping by.
      Yes, TSCVeo (early onset strand), is the recurring sort, and sufferers endure multiple bouts. ;-)

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  13. Gosh! If only houses would self-clean, but then would I spend more time sitting at my desk writing/reading? Perhaps it is a way of getting some extra exercise - instead of engaging a personal trainer. That is the only way I can look at housework, now.

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    1. Forestwood Amanda--Hi, and welcome to the Dept.!
      Ah, the Self-Cleaning House...a pipe-dream for the ages. Or a plot from The Jetsons. Either way, I have to agree with you that at least a bit of Domestic Goddessing gets me up and moving on those days when I've been planted too long.

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