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Tuesday, December 06, 2016

I Have To Stop Driving...Or Seeing...Or Reading...Or Something (Why Is This So Hard?)

In addition to the Saddening And Terrible bar sign announcing "$1.00 Taco's Every Tuesday!", which I must drive by at least weekly, I must also see this Disappointing, Mystifying, and Horrid thing at least that often (though on a different route):


Goodness.  Where to begin?

Apart from being dismayed by the Zombie Pioneer/Amish Woman cheerfully decaying along the street side of the sign itself, (and how nice that the lights are discreetly pointed away from her), I'm frankly astonished that the store's wares are all conventionally spelled and punctuated on the placards. There are Crafts, not Krafts, perhaps in fear of a visit from the mega-corporation, summons in hand for a patent infringement.

Travelling westward, as I usually am when I see this sign, I get a slightly different view than what you see here.  On that side, I see 'YE OLDE' VILLAGE KOUNTRY STORE with both single quotation marks.  They are still superfluous and bewildering, but at least they are a pointlessly matched set.  Travelling eastward, as this photo is taken, the second quotation mark is, for some reason, omitted.  Now the lone mark is rendered an apostrophe, as if 'YE is actually a longer word somehow shortened...or something. Either way, I don't get it/them. I mean, we all can see that the building is not Olde, the village it's in is not Olde, and none of its customers will be speaking Olde Englishe. (And I wonder if the owner even knows what Ye means/meant in Olde Englishe anywaye.)

Finally, the most Egregious Sin Of All--KOUNTRY.  Why?  Why?  WHY?!  Wasn't Ye Olde enough already?  On top of Village?  Do you mean to tell me that Old Village Country Store doesn't have enough cache or authenticity or convey enough homey charm?  It just isn't necessary.  And it looks dumb.  I'm certainly not buying a mattress from anyone who can't spell Country.  Or use quotation marks correctly.

Ye Ende.


25 comments:

  1. Loving your Olde English!! Another one that bothers the pants off me: Shoppe. Why the extra p and e at the end? Me thinks it is so they just automatically adjust their prices up.

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    1. Vera--Oh, good one! I, too, hate Ye Shoppe. I automatically pronounce it Shoppy in my head--most annoying. Most old timey things annoy me, and craftsy things in general, I'm afraid. They are all mainly dust-collectors to me at this point in my Streamlining Stage of life.

      (Also, I grew up during the Early American decor stage. My mother had a butter churn in the living room. Need I say more? Sigh.)

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  2. "Kountry" ... How do people even come up with this bullshit? No reason whatsoever for this spelling to exist, and if it does, well... we know *who* invented it.

    As far as 'ye olde', etc., I would refer people to this reference: http://io9.gizmodo.com/ye-olde-is-fake-old-english-and-youre-mispronouncing-1679780566

    I have no problem with shop signs adopting a spelling that they feel represents them, but when it becomes stupid and pretentious... not so much. (once again: 'Kountry' --- no excuse for that, either culturally or as a political statement. It is STUPID. Period.)

    Sadly... more and more ignorant people in this country could give a f*ck about spelling or considerations of logic. Which pretty much condemns us to having to deal with the 'educated elite' (not necessarily the MOST educated people) vs. the rabid followers of DJT, who represent cultural ignorance, and will vote in the future on a basis of whether they got a job or not, even if they are still earning minimum wage with no hope of a raise. Oh, well... hope springs eternal.

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    1. Ortizzle--Great minds! My embedded link is exactly the same gizmodo reference for Ye Olde. Terrific explanation.

      I completely agree with you re: the Reason Behind Creative Spellings. If, for example, a shop is called Kathy's Krafts, that is one thing. But there is actually another business in NEO called Kustom Kabinets. WHY!?

      I remember reading "A Sound of Thunder" by Ray Bradbury and being terribly affected by it in myriad ways. I'm thinking about it a lot these days, and your comment reminds me of it now. here is a scan of it online for anyone who's interested.

      I've been thinking about you lately, here in Little Texas, where our state legislature just sent our governor a Heartbeat Bill. I try not to daily despair.

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    2. And is your governor going to sigh the Heartbeat Bill? I had to - bitterly - laugh when I heard Governor Kasich referred to as a "moderate" during the Republican primaries.

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    3. Gammyjill--I doubt it, hopefully. It has been sent his way before, if I recall, and he has refused it, primarily on the grounds that it has been knocked down by the courts as unconstitutional. This is more wrangling by the same legislator (Jim Jordan), who, emboldened by the incoming US President's SCOTUS appointment, thinks he can ignore Roe v Wade.

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    4. Nance-- Meanwhile, in Texas, we must now have a proper burial or cremation for an aborted fetus, even if due to a miscarriage. Unless it happens in the home. So if a woman is having a miscarriage and fears for her life, she can only seek medical help if she is prepared to pay for a funeral for the miscarried fetus. *sigh*

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    5. Ortizzle--Yet another burden/injustice. FOR THE WOMAN. Whilst the male in the equation merely scuttles off, scot free and cheery, looking for his next one-nighter.

      Meanwhile, somewhat related, here in Ohio, we are still debating whether or not to continue taxing tampons. Honestly, it would serve everyone right if we women all got together and just went to another country entirely, sick of all of their bullshit, and started our own society. I am out of Patience, truly.

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  3. I feel your pain. There is no excuse for cutesy spelling like "Kountry" [which my spellcheck is having conniptions over]. I first encountered this sort of wrong spelling when I worked in college for a local restaurant that insisted on calling itself a "Shoppe." I cringe to this day when I think about the fact that I wore an item of clothing on which the word "shop" was misspelled.

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    1. Ally Bean--Oh, I knew you'd understand. Bless your heart and your crawling skin, forced to wear such an abomination.

      I really do think Simplicity is best in most situations, and that business's sign could stand to take one or two words away from "Store" and be perfectly okay. Old Village Store. Village Country Store. Old Country Store. Country Store.

      BUT NO...sigh.

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  4. Maybe 'Ye is short for Oyez. Side note: I just spent forever trying to find Oyez because I didn't know how to spell it. The search term that finally worked was "oh ye all rise courtroom saying england bailiff 19th century."

    I'm just being silly, but I don't think it could possibly be as silly as the actual sign. Because on TOP of "Kountry" and "Olde" there is the fact that it's just really a furniture store with crafts. Ye Olde Pioneer didn't buy furniture at her local country store! Not to mention the just general eye-soredness of the thing. (Yes, I'm using a made-up word to mock the wording on a sign.)

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    1. Bug--Good job on the search terminology. I swear; I think Google is a mind reader sometimes.

      You know, as far as the stuff in that store, it has changed dramatically. It used to feature Amish baked goods and cheeses. Then it suddenly became furniture, and now this iteration. Who, really, would buy a mattress from a store like this?

      The store, such as it is, is just a small garage-type building set back from a house, with an asphalt drive leading up to it. That's it. I can't imagine it has more than two of any of the furniture items on the sign. How it is "in business", I have no idea. I've never seen a car there.

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  5. Not quite the same thing, but...we recently had a protest walk thru downtown against "he whose name shall not be spoken" and a mom/son felt the need to leave in the middle and wanted me to take their sign, but they had misspelled "neigbor" and I just COULDN'T take it. I pondered ducking into a shop to borrow a Sharpie to fix it.... FWIW I DO refer to the previous individual as "donnie little hands" sometimes.

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    1. Sillyak--Good for you, actively protesting! And I would feel the same reticence and loathing to take a misspelled sign, even for a fellow activist. (If I had my little red purse with me, I would have a handy Sharpie with me, of course, and I would fix it without any Guilt whatsoever.)

      Great story, btw. I will be telling it a lot. And giving you credit.

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    2. Hopefully this years "giving credit" is not next years Turning into authorities for crimes against the state.

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  6. It looks like a rough winter could take that sign right out of commission. Maybe on a stormy day you could give it a little push in the right direction. Toward the ground.

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    1. Gina--We will see if the oncoming Polar Vortex #1 has its way. Sigh. Already.

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  7. I'm left wondering if the mattress sets are used.

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    1. Karen--Nice to see you again! Yes, me too. Or from a reputable source, anyway. Ick.

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  8. Oh my goodness you make me laugh.

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    1. Meredith--Well, good. Who doesn't need a good chuckle these days?

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  9. When I see signs like this, I wonder what the sign maker thought? Did they think, "Oh, how delightfully clever!" Or perhaps they shuddered and thought, "Well, this is as annoying as crap, but at least doing this kind of work pays the bills." Maybe they call the store owner and explain about the quotes and the annoying spelling, and then they lose their job and curse the day they ever got into that business to begin with.

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    1. J@jj--I think, in this case, it's a homemade sign. The bottom part looks like a piece of house siding. And the lettering is easily done with craft store or office supply stencils. The basic construction is just that--basic. But yes, I'm often astonished at the commercial signs which contain glaring errors moulded in plastic, commemorating someone's carelessness and ignorance for years. It's sad.

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  10. Thou art hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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    1. Dee--Hi, and welcome to the Dept.

      Thanks for the compliment. (Or is that "thine compliment?)

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Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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