If there were a sudden and inexplicable Khaki Pants Shortage, I would be unreasonably happy about it. Sharing my joy would be vast multitudes of school-aged boys as well, for Khaki Pants and Collared Shirts (aka Polo Shirts) are the standard school uniform in lots and lots of urban public and parochial schools. I currently own Zero Pairs of Khaki Pants, and I plan to maintain that total for the remainder of my life. If it were up to me, that would be the Current And Future Wardrobe Status of Rick as well.
Why all this Disdain For Khaki Pants? Did I have a Goat Episode, similar to one I described in this post? Did Something Bad once happen to me whilst clad in Khakis?
As a matter of fact, I used to wear Khaki--the color--once in a while in skirts and shirts, and I even had a really great pair of Khaki cargo-style pants. It's not an especially great colour on me (some shades can make my olive skin look even more green), but accented with red, it can be a good wardrobe basic.
No, my anathema towards Khaki started when some men began wearing Khaki pants as Formal Wear, and thus began The Great Casualization Of America.
Perhaps it is Different where you live, but here in the Midwest, there is a sort of Anything But Jeans mentality when it comes to Dressing Up. As in, if you are Male, and you are Not Wearing Jeans, you are Dressed Up. (One exception to this rule is Jeans And A Sweater With A Shirt Underneath = Dressed Up.) Footwear, sadly, does not even figure into this equation. Any sort of shoe can and will be worn. (I. Know. ) For example, say you are a male of any age at all, and you are attending a 4 PM wedding in a church with a small reception immediately following. What do you wear? Why, your Khakis, of course! Oh, is it an evening wedding and the reception is at a swanky highrise? Well, then...better wear...Khakis! Going out to a play in the Theater District and then for drinks and dinner?
KHAKIS. KHAKIS. KHAKIS. KHAKIS. KHAKIS.
Just as I blame John McCain for legitimizing SPalin and begetting the present-day republican party, I blame Dockers for legitimizing Khakis and spawning the Downward Spiral Of Men's Dress. Don't most of us remember their PantsPantsPants commercials, like this one, which shoved Khakis and Khrotches into our Khonsciousness?
I feel like it's No Accident that the word Khaki sounds like Piper or Marlowe yakking up a hairball. That's pretty much how I feel about the pants.
Maybe, in the beginning, they were okay, but like so many things that seemed Perfectly Fine, they got Out Of Control. Like Kudzu did in the South. Khaki pants are Fashion Kudzu. Or, like my Little Problem with Cheetos about ten years ago. I could not be trusted; I ate almost a whole bag, and Rick had to hide them from me. The difference there was, I got nauseated and sick from Cheetos and I learned my lesson. Men are not Learning Their Lesson from Khaki pants, and instead, we are the ones ready to throw up.
Okay. I think I've more than made my point. Now go forth and purge Khaki Pants from the closets of all the men you know.