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Wednesday, June 03, 2015

Adjusting The Waistband On My Cranky Pants

Yeah, yeah, I'm still here, someplace amid a mound of fleece blankets, fleece-lined spandex exercise pants, longsleeved tee, and fleece hooded sweatshirt. Welcome to Ohio, where we like to celebrate the coming of June by having temperatures in the forties overnight and the fifties during the day.

I wish I were kidding.

And let's make sure we add wind and rain in there. So that I can also run my furnace to dispel the damp.

Holy crap. I am hereby lodging a Formal Complaint. Can someone out there see that it gets to the Proper Authorities?

Yikes. Someone is, I fear, a Little Bit Crabby. And a little Snarked Out. Not quite Centered or At One With Her Zen. I'm too cheap to pay for therapy, and even though I could use my Dr. On Demand app and get a free introductory session, I'd rather use all of you. Will you be my therapist and listen to my Issues? Then you can counsel me in Comments, and we can all do likewise for you. Here we go.

::Where Is The Real News?:: What passes for News these days is no less than a farce. It's as if People magazine has taken over journalism. I can feel/hear Walter Cronkite and Edward R. Murrow spinning in their graves. Celebrity births, cutesy dog videos, and marginal events like charity drives and soldier homecomings are common stories on the national news (I'm looking at you, NBC Nightly News). Is there really nothing else occurring of note in the world, even in the realms of science, politics, government, technology, or finance?

::Is This Really Style?:: I sat (somewhat) stoically and quietly by while the Eighties neon colours came back into fashion, and I shut up a lot when everyone made a big deal out of the rope wedge, peasant blouses, and all the other crap that I used to wear back in the seventies as being so fresh and wonderful and Right Now On Trend. But there is No Way that I am sitting still for H&M selling this for $39.95 and even outright calling it The Mom Jean. It's a travesty. Worse yet is this assertion that the once-reviled, touristy and androgynous fanny pack is now de rigeur for all fashion mavens. Listen; the idea of being able to zip around on my errands without my purse hanging off my arm sounds like heaven to me, but if that comes at the expense of having a pelvis goiter, then no, No Thank You. I am old enough to remember the Playtex Girdle commercials and their admonishments about Midriff Bulge. I work hard not to have any Unsightly Bulges. The last thing I want is a Bulge that I paid for. (Oh, and for the record, I am still not wearing these. Certainly you can; I'm not judging.)

::Is This Real Life?:: In the next several months, it is expected that Donald "The Donald" Trump will announce his bid for the republican nomination for President. Of the United States. Where I live. Rather than be gleeful and entertained at this prospect, I am instead irked and irritated. Honestly, I'm not sure why. Probably because I know he's doing it just as an act of shameless self-promotion, and I'm annoyed that he's able to make such a mockery of a serious office to aggrandize and publicize himself and his empire. He's such a full-scale goofball that his own party will roll its eyes and sigh a lot, but the media will give him a ton of coverage and that's going to be excruciating.

::Real Quick-like:: How much do I need to care about the following things? Right now, I don't care about them at all even though they seem to be Everywhere: Game of Thrones, McDonald's "new" menu, Pinterest (I still don't get it), Sepp Blatter, Kelly Ripa's cleanse, the crazy Tasman Peninsula Dusky Antechinus, Windows 10, and Rand Paul. I will say that I find the name Sepp Blatter to be absolutely terrific. It belongs in the novel Cold Comfort Farm or perhaps something by Flannery O'Connor. Imagine:

"This here guy'll hep ya," said the cop, and he spat dryly into the street. He was indicating a slight, overall-wearing man who was ambling somewhat crookedly around the corner. "Name's Sepp Blatter. Owns the farm up the road. Has all kindsa equipment. He can getcha out." The officer raised his voice and called sharply, "Sepp! C'mon over here'n talk to this guy! He needs a tow." He pitched his voice lower and leaned in a little. "Now here's a little advice, 'n it's free. Sepp don't care much about money, but he ain't stupid neither. Them Blatters ain't livin' high up there, so make sure you offer him somethin' for his troubles. Do it up front, too." The officer winked broadly. "Get whatcha pay for that way."

*****

My session is over; your turn in Comments.

pants in image for sale here

22 comments:

  1. Yippee, you're back! So sorry your weather sucks. You should hop in your car and come visit me! My last day of school/work is June 12, and since we're getting our MUCH needed rain and cooler temperatures now, it should be back to sunny and gorgeous soon. I'm not even kidding.

    As for news, including election stuff, NPR and PBS are the only sane options left, other than John Oliver., and because of that, I haven't heard about Ripa's cleanse, thank god. WTH is left of her TO cleanse? She only weighs 89 lbs!!! And when I heard about Sepp Blatter on NPR today, I had to come home and look it up, as I was sure I had misunderstood.

    Hang in there!

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    1. Rose--Oh, thank you for such an enthusiastic greeting! I will put your invitation in my back pocket and reserve it for a future road trip. How lovely.

      I am absolutely hanging in. Mercurial weather (no pun intended!) wreaks havoc on me physically and mentally, as it does with so many people. I don't know why Ohio cannot get its shit together and get summer ushered in here properly. It's ridiculous. We have sun, but cold. Then we have a little warmth, but high humidity and clouds. Then we have warmth for a bit, but it storms like hell and the next day we are freezing.

      I have purposely remained ignorant on all of the things in my list, despite the fact that they keep appearing on my news pages. I don't want to read about them; I don't want to know. Perhaps I need a hobby.

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  2. About the fanny pack making a reappearance. I wouldn't wear one of those on a bet. If I am only going shopping at one store like Macy's,for instance, what do I really need to carry? I take my smallest evening bag and put my credit card and a Twenty Dollar Bill in there. I used to put the Credit card in my bra and the Twenty in my pocket but then everybody that saw me without a purse over my arm thought I worked there and asked me where the Ladies Room was, so I started carrying the small purse. I hardly ever spent the cash but I felt better having it with me. My big purse with Driver's License etc. is LOCKED in the trunk of my car. Safer there..Less to carry,too.

    About The Donald running for President..What a joke! There are so many republicans running for President that even the clown car is getting too crowded and they may need a clown BUS instead. Maybe they can buy an old Greyhound and paint TRUMP on the side of it and make Donald the driver!

    Yeah, I knew that guy, Sepp Blatter..Helped me out of a ditch once. He was a cousin to Arthur Ritis. You surely remember the Ritis boys, don't you? That Arthur was the worst of the lot. Now that you mentioned Sepp again, I sorta "get it" why the World Cup is being played next year in Skunk Holler, Kentuck..at Ritis Field..Surprised me though, seeing as how that field only holds 47 people. Funny how Sepp always seems to have a whole lot of money...Guess he helps a lot of people out of ditches...

    On to the underwear. The nuns told me in 1943 that what you called Granny pants were the only acceptable underwear for a good Catholic girl to wear. So when the thong made its first appearance I shunned them because I didn't want to bother getting a dispensation to wear them. If the nuns had their way, you would have needed a prescription to buy a bra....

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Nancy--I have to have car keys, cell phone, yada yada yada. I hate to Re-Purse just for a shopping trip. And with something small and unfamiliar, what if I set it down while rummaging/looking and then forget to pick it back up? PANIC. I'll stick with my purse, which is relatively small anyway. I gave up bigass purses ages ago after two bouts of frozen shoulder and a shoulder surgery. Every time I get a new purse (which is about in 5-7 year intervals) I go smaller.

      LOL--There used to be a football player for the Green Bay Packers named Donald Driver!

      As a very overweight girl my entire life, I wore "granny panties" as a matter of course. Once I slimmed down, I finally could wear bikini underwear, which was nylon and came in cute prints and colours. I have never looked back. Full-size undies are a symbol for me, and I can't get past it.

      (We all know I was never a Good Catholic Girl....)

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  3. I'm getting more and more upset each day at the dumbing down of our once great country. The Republicans seem like they're on a roll and I'm worried about Democrats getting out and voting these morons out of office.

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    1. phoebes (formerly) in santa fe--It only seems like the republicans are on a roll. They are getting a ton of coverage right now because so many of them are running for president. And they got the majority in congress because it was a midterm election, which is traditionally a Change election. If you read political news carefully, you'll see that McConnell has a heap of trouble, and Boehner has the same problems in the House as he always has. There is no roll. And it's early, very very early.

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    2. Nsnce, while I totally agree with you about Boehner in trouble, the "clown car of Republican presidential candidates" getting bigger every day, and seemingly every other Republican guilty of hypocrisy in some form or another, the Republican voters just seem to keep electing these fools to local, state, and national office, year after year.

      It bothers me that so many people continue to vote against their own interests.

      Delete
  4. I'm over the pond at the moment, Geneva airport NH hotel ,4am..... It's all Sepp Blatter all the time over here. I, cynically believe thecandidates are just raising money for their favorite charity. Weather's nice, but they ARE firing up the Hadron colloider st down the road in Cern, off the Sweden in a few hours...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Silliyak--Lucky, lucky you! World travel!

      Chuck Todd did a wonderful segment about why some candidates run when they clearly do not have even a passing chance at making it through a primary challenge. They are looking to strengthen their personal brand, secure a lobbying job, promote a book, flirt with a run at some other type of public office in the future, become a "kingmaker" within the party, etc. I think for many of them it's about getting pet issues out there in a debate, and it's always about ego. Enjoy your trip!

      Delete
  5. Game of Thrones took me awhile to get into. As with any HBO show, the first season is tons of sex and nudiity, and much of it is of the un-fun sort. The stories are fairly compelling, and the most recent episode was bat shit crazy good. That's all I have to say about that.

    Why are those mom jeans? Because they're high waisted? Because the last time your mom wore them it was the 80s and she was young? I don't know. If I had the figure of an 18 year old, I might buy me some.

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    1. J@jj--Do you remember the Mom Jeans skit from SNL? Look it up and it will enlighten you further. But basically, high waisted, ankle-length, narrowing from thigh to ankle like clown pants. They look good only on a select type of person, but moms do not really care; they wear them for comfort only. That light denim wash--almost like the old acid-wash--is egregious to me.

      Game of Thrones does not look like My Kind Of Show for a variety of reasons, but as I remarked to Ally Bean below, I am weary of reading about it everywhere I turn on the Interwebs. I can't think of any other television show that gets this much press, and I'm at a loss as to why. Maybe in the heyday of Breaking Bad that show got a bunch, but GoT is being treated like it's actually news.

      Delete
  6. I'm tired of being cold, too. 'Nuff said on that stupid point.

    I cannot care about Caitlyn Jenner, Formerly Bruce. Yet that "news" story is everywhere I go. I say live and let live… but quietly, out of the limelight, on your own time. 'Ya know?

    I won't watch Game of Thrones because I don't watch violence. But beyond that, why follow a made-up history story when there's so much real history to learn? People baffle me.

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    1. Ally Bean--I'm afraid we're all in for a CJ Blitz for the foreseeable future. Like her relatives, the Dreaded K'dashians, she is part of the reality show empire and is launching her own soon. Live and let live, yes, but the celebrity aspect is going to be a bludgeon to the rest of us. Sigh.

      I don't have a problem with fictionalized history, per se. I loved reading Follett's Pillars of the Earth books when they were set in the medieval period. I learned a great deal about life in that period whilst getting caught up in a good narrative. Same thing with watching PBS's current series "Wolf Hall" about Henry VIII.

      My issue is that the media gets hold of something and beats it to death. Game of Thrones is ubiquitous. I see it mentioned everywhere on news pages and it is the equivalent of Justin Bieber anymore. Ugh.

      Delete
  7. Rand Paul I've heard of, and that Windows 10 exists, and I use Pinterest to store links to crochet patterns (& I have actually gone to those links & made the items!), but the rest of your list is a blessed mystery to me. Whew! Although, being an avid (rabid?) Facebooker, I do see many many things that I would rather not. Sometimes I feel like a miner looking for a shiny nugget in amongst all the dross.

    With regard to the mom jeans, just check out this post with a picture from 1990: http://danabugseyeview.blogspot.com/2009/09/september-1990.html Sigh - that was my favorite skirt for a while :)

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    1. Bug--I guess it's kind of a Mom Jeans Skirt.

      Pinterest eludes me. Can't you just add the pages to your bookmarks in a "Patterns" folder? And if it's pictures, can't you just save the images to your computer in a folder? I don't get the whole idea at all. Is it so other people can look at what you look at? Is it a Picture Book Blog? But isn't that what Instagram sort of is? Sigh. Social media. I'm confused.

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    2. I save the links to the patterns on Pinterest, but they're displayed by picture of the item so it's easy to find that scarf pattern that I "pinned" last year. Other people can see what I pin because I left it public - I don't care. But I never go to Pinterest to find anything that I didn't pin - it's too confusing. Maybe I'll do a post on it sometime :)

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  8. Mom jeans and mom underwear is me. As long as they wash easily and stretch when I eat too much. I am so glad we have the CBC up here in weird weather Eastern Ontario and I can duck all the republican stuff. And stuffed shirts. Of both sexes.what I cannot avoid is our Prime Minister, who would be a fine candidate for the Republican vote. Nor can I avoid the First Nations Truth and Reconciliation hoopla. Sigh
    We are a bit short of summer here too and I am also,wrapped in fleece and whining but it is not so bad because all the clothes give the biting bugs less scope.

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    1. Mary--Please do not disillusion me when it comes to Canada, where I imagine everything is Perfect and Wonderful in every way.

      Our weather still refuses to get sorted. Today we had low 80s (F), but a couple days previous, we were locked in the 60s, and I froze the whole day. Tomorrow, we will be ten degrees cooler and have rain. My headaches ever threaten.

      The cottonwood trees have seeded so prolifically that some yards look as if they are on a Christmas card, covered in a layer of snow. It makes for terrible allergies, terrible lawn care, and down at the lake, terrible fishing.

      Of course, none of this is happening in Idyllic Canada, I know.

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    2. Maple keys. Raining maple keys. Also raining rain, 1.5 inches in the unmetric gauge so far today. Sorry to disillusion you. There is a really silly song called 'Blackfly'. It goes "Blackfly, little blackfly, Always the blackfly no matter where you go." If I can find a link, I'll send it to you. It should be the Canadian National Anthem, instead of the one we have where the few people who know the words are forever trying to change them. O Canada, terra de nos aeuves. Maybe.
      Hugs, and hope you can discard the fleece and the headach soon.

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    3. Mary G--I always thought that the Canadian expression was spelled "eh" and not just "e." Hee hee.

      What you call maple keys we call "helicopters." But we both, I'm certain, call them Vastly Annoying. Here at the lake we are "blessed" with two silver maples and the seeds were a nightmare. They are finally done, but the roof valleys still send them hurtling down every once in a while. The chipmunks (ground squirrels?) take care of some, but the rest have to be mowed up or the seedlings sprout and take root overnight, as you know.

      We know well the blackfly. Ugh. Or "a" blackfly. We cannot wait for its season to be over as well.

      I wonder if any country is happy with its anthem. The USA anthem is horrifically impossible to sing well, and it is an ugly song which glorifies war and a flag. Many citizens--me, included--wishes we would adopt "America the Beautiful" as our anthem instead. It is a lovely song with better lyrics and a far more singable melody. It even includes a mention of God to satisfy that sector. I like that your anthem starts out with O CANADA! Sadly, it has other words after it that muddy up the thing. Perhaps it should just repeat O CANADA! over and over again, for simplicity's sake, and really, that is the important part, anyway.

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    4. Horrors! Make that sentence "Many citizens--me, included--WISH we would adopt...." This is what happens when a cat suddenly growls at the window, making one fearful at an early-morning visitor (and One is still in jammies and no makeup). And yes, Marlowe the watchcat is a growler.

      Delete

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