Pages

Tuesday, May 05, 2015

In Which We Have Some Politics, And Beethoven And Beyonce Have A Child For Hillary

zazzle.com
Ladies and Gentlemen, forgive my extended absence. My time away from you has been spent in deep reflection and consultation with my family as I ponder what may very well be one of the most important decisions of my life. Only after this period of profound soul-searching and huddling with trusted advisers have I been able to face this difficult and momentous challenge. But I have always been dedicated to a life of Service. So, with that being said, I am announcing today that I am forming an exploratory committee to consider entering the race for the republican nomination for President of the United States of America.

I mean, what the heck? Why not? Everyone else is Doing It.

Dearest Readers, it's a veritable Cirque de So Lame of republican clowns out there stumping around, making speeches and zinging--not each other, no!--Hillary. Bless their teensy little flinty, tarry hearts. Rather than narrow the field and slap each other around, they're going after The Presumptive Nominee Of The Democratic Party. Now. In the Spring of 2015. Sigh. If I were Hillary, I'd hire a Lookalike to zip around to points hither and yon (in sunglasses).  Then I'd go on one of those cruises where the boat never docks. You know, it just floats along, steaming off to its final port where it is spruced up for its next run. She can study up on policy, platform, and all sorts of stuff (like some truthing) while getting spa treatments and toning up her bod for the really tough campaigning.

But I digress.

So far--and it's Way Early--the republicans are fielding/look to be fielding the following candidates:

1. Rand Paul
2. Ted Cruz
3. Marco Rubio
4. Carly Fiorina
5. Ben Carson
6. Scott Walker
7. Mike Huckabee
8. Lindsey Graham
9. Rick Santorum
10. Chris Christie
11. Jeb Bush
12. Rick Perry
13. Bobby Jindal
14. John Kasich
15. Donald Trump

Kudos to the republicans for such a bigass and diverse list. They have a woman, a black man, two Hispanic men (three if you count Jeb Bush, who self-identified as Hispanic on his 2009 Voter registration form), one Canadian man, an Indian man, and an evangelical minister. It's quite the Clown Car Of Craziness, and I don't miss Michele Bachmann in the least. (She's still getting a limited audience for her cuckootalk. Just the other day, she got her name in the papers for this gem: "Barack Obama is intent. It is his number one goal to ensure that Iran has a nuclear weapon....That is where we are headed right now. That is why the best thing we can do is have churches and pastors explain our times." Sigh.) Each of these candidates has already brought his or her own loopy doofusness into the mix, and I won't bore you with fifteen quotes to prove it (although Huckabee's recent quote to a Hispanic audience that while he doesn't speak Spanish, he does speak Jesus bears mention).

I could not even begin to lay bets on who will still Be There In November. So much Dark Money is involved that it isn't even about the voters anymore. But I think it's safe to get rid of several early on, like: Trump, Jindal, Perry, Christie, Santorum, Graham, Huckabee, Carson, Fiorino, Cruz, and Paul. Some of them are kooks (Trump, Santorum, Cruz); some of them can't get their shit together (Perry, Christie, Graham); some are just not very electable for various reasons (Jindal, Fiorina, Carson, Paul), whether it's experience, recognition, sex, race, likability, or policy, or just the Great Unknown. It's an ugly thing to say, but the republicans are not a Big Tent Party, and that's what they get. Is Ben Carson electable in Wyoming? Is Bobby Jindal going to get a vote in Montana?  Utah? How well will Rand Paul's message play in Wisconsin and Peoria? And there are a ton of Duck Dynasty devotees who would rather not vote than vote for Carly Fiorina. They won't vote for Hillary, either.

When Serious Debate Season starts, we may see Rubio, Walker, Bush, and Kasich up there posturing, the latter being Ohio's governor. He's been doing a lot of stumping lately, and is in the "flirting" stage of campaigning, a great definition of which can be found here. He has also been doing a lot of Evolving on many issues that are making him more of a Compassionate "Bush 41" Conservative. But don't be fooled. Ohio loves its guns and is currently sitting with a heartbeat bill in its Congress. And its school funding is a disaster, its own Supreme Court in contempt of itself on that for almost twenty years, and the governor hasn't seen fit to order that fix. (In all fairness, either did his predecessors.)

Ah, same old, same old. What do you expect? Because, republicans.

Again, though, I'm not about to trust in The Wisdom Of The American People.  It is this Intangible which brought to us the republican majority in the US Congress even after it was that party who shut down the government, caused our national credit rating to be lowered, and brought us the famous Sequester.  The Wisdom Of The American People has brought us so many, many things which are the nadir of Human Existence, including Truck Month commercials, Sarah Palin book deals, dogs in Halloween costumes, and as I must always mention in this list, Kardashians and spray cheese.  And Olive Garden.  (I'm sorry; had to be said.)

Finally, regarding Hillary.  Donna Brazile, Democratic strategist, analyst, and campaign manager for Al Gore in 2000 (among her many achievements), said that Hillary is starting off like Beethoven, but that she has to end up like Beyonce.  I disagree; I think she has to be a blend of both.  That made me wonder:  what would that look like? So I took these pictures of Beethoven and Beyonce and hit "morph" at www.morphthing.com












And the Internet's answer to what Hillary's campaign should look like, according to me, is this:

All I learned from that exercise was that I waste a lot of time on the Internet when it's rainy and cold outside. 

But, if you...no.  Never mind.


26 comments:

  1. I love, love, love your political posts! I can't believe anyone would vote Republican, and yet my entire extended family does. Thank goodness my girls and my husband are also the minority with me in our family. Just yesterday, my mom informed me of some nonsense about Social Security that is getting blamed on Obama. Facts do not ever enter into the discussion, so we don't discuss. Keep your eyes on the the process for your readers so we can enjoy it all as best as we can.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rose--Thank you. Once I heard that Bruce Jenner considers himself a conservative republican, I renewed my hopelessness in the Wisdom Of The American People. How can any woman, Hispanic or black person, transgendered or gay person, middle class or poor person, or anyone who is not white, wealthy, or a gun-toting Intolerant ever vote republican? Sigh.

      I do try not to get too terribly invested since it disrupts my Zen and limits my Joy, but I will bring you all my views now and then.

      Delete
  2. That's a good looking campaign! I can't believe any of these goons will be a nominee, but I've thought that sort of thing before, and I'm usually wrong. It will be interesting to see how things turn out...not that I'm really looking for interesting right now....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. J@jj--I know. What a cutie. I hope I'm right in my estimation as far as Cruz not getting anywhere near a nomination. He is plain awful.

      Delete
  3. I've given up trying to have political discussions with Republicans (including my own mother) because there is no way you can hold a rational discussion with someone who honestly believes (to paraphrase Jon Stewart) that our president is "a brutal -socialist-Muslim-ineffective-Harvard-schooled-constitutional-professor-agitator-warlock." MrL and I spend quite a lot of time anguishing over the fact that we'll have to go back to the US sometime and worrying about what we'll find when we get there. I would probably find the field of Republican candidates much funnier if it weren't so terrifying to contemplate the fact that they all clearly believe that their extremist right-wing platforms can garner enough popular support to gain the nomination.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MsC--I do despair at hearing you say that you anguish over the fact of having to come back to the United States. In spite of being critical of it, I am proud of my country. I see it as a Work In Progress, a Faulted Child still growing up. (Please, Canadians, do not feel slighted. I love Canada still!)

      As you know, the media can present a terribly myopic view, and when you eventually come back Home, you won't encounter 90% of what you are reading/hearing. That is all behind-the-scenes, and you'll instead find the individual Americans who charm and make you feel welcome. (And huge houses and stores with choice overmuch.)

      Delete
    2. Although I realize logically that you're correct, the news does really make it sound like we'll be returning to a homeschooling, anti-gay patriarchal Sharia Law system - and all the wackos popping out of the Republican nomination woodwork don't exactly give me the warm fuzzies either. You also have to keep in mind that we were living in (not from, there's a huge difference) Texas before we moved overseas, and watching what's been happening there lately - we will most likely need to move - at the very least, to Austin. I don't know if your comment program will allow me to post links, but this was what I woke up to this morning, so I'm feeling more skeptical than usual. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/05/texas-high-school-chlamydia-outbreak_n_7216822.html

      Delete
    3. MsC--Well, TEXAS! That's DIFFERENT.

      Actually, I have many Texas Dems who read (and comment) here, and they're trying like hell to keep some pockets of sanity in that state. One of my relatives is even trying to make inroads in the educational system, most notably to keep the state's curriculum from degenerating into a white supremacist Christian dogma review. (I turned on CNN one day, and there she was, my cousin, being interviewed!) But I get it; I really do. When the governor advocates secession at one point, then maybe you do want to remain mobile and choose another state more in line with your principles.

      Ohio is odd in that NEO is completely different than the rest of the state. It's more liberal, quite blue, and big labor. Very diverse, very urban, very artsy the closer you get to Cleveland. When it went red for GWB, NEO itself was hugely up in arms and talked about wanting to be separate from the rest of the state. We aren't big on guns and gay bashing. We aren't country music and trucks. The map of the state for the elections showed the state blue in the big cities and red everywhere else.

      Saw the HuffPo article. Sigh. Ugh.

      Delete
  4. [Well, darned it! The system ate my comment again. That happens on Blogger way too often to make it arbitrary. I'm taking it personally. *growl*]

    What I said, in essence: thank you for keeping track of these clowns. I'll tune into the election when it gets closer to November 2016.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ally Bean--I am terribly sorry to hear it. I comment on so many blogs, and I've yet to have this problem that some of my Dear Readers have encountered here. I have checked and rechecked my code, and I've researched it as a Blogger Issue. Thank you so much for persevering. I value your input.

      Like you,, I used to tune in when things got far closer to the Election. I wish it were still that way. Unfortunately, I became quite interested in The Politics back in The Clinton Era. Now I'm screwed. I have backed Way Off since the Elections Of The Dark Times (The GWB years) believe it or not.

      Those were the years that made me stop capitalizing "republican." That party doesn't deserve a capital R.

      Delete
    2. Aaarrrggh!!! Can I blame Blogger for the double comma after "Like you" in Paragraph 2 of my reply?

      Delete
  5. Nance, I WAS going to vote for Hillary, but if you run, I'll vote for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. phoebes--Oh, dearest. Can you possibly imagine the campaign dirt ( or "oppo research") this blog alone would provide for any opponents if I ran for anything? But I'm flattered beyond measure that you'd vote for me.

      For anything!

      Delete
  6. I had to share the Huckabee quote on my former rector's Facebook page - I said that she should run for president because she speaks Jesus AND Spanish (that church is bilingual). Boy she would be a nightmare for the republicans - woman, Episcopal priest, former pride parade marshal, offers sanctuary to illegal immigrants...

    Little Beetyonce is really cute! (That just sounds ridiculous - their names are too similar for a combo to really work).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bug--Beethonce is fine; spelling is the key, I think.

      Your former rector is more Christian than most "Christians" I know. You know, the kind I spell Xians.

      Delete
  7. What's going on here with the Koch Brothers and Citizens United and Adelson is they are acting just like the touts that hang around the race track and give 10 different horses to 10 different people in every race. Naturally, one of those horses he tipped you off about is going to win so he comes around after the races to get his reward from you.

    The trouble is that they never stop giving candidates money even if they can't possibly win. It used to be that a candidate who ran out of money dropped out of the race. Not anymore. They will give money to Santorum just in case,by the Grace of God, he wins.Then they will run to him for their reward. So the theory of natural selection never applies to the candidates. Even the weakest of the lot stays in the race and crowds the debate stage. Somebody might win and that's enough for the one percenters to continue funding even the
    losers who can't possibly win like Carly Fiorina.

    Now Bernie Sanders has jumped in against Hillary. I like Bernie a lot but hope he doesn't force Hillary so far left in the primary debates
    that she has a lot of issues to walk back and give the republicans the ammunition they need to say she's a waffler.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nancy--Great analogy, and, of course, you're right. It's a lot like the "flirting" definition expanded upon: candidates who don't declare that they're in the race can still push a book, raise their Q ratings, and eventually, wind up in a cabinet or advisory position in the administration of the guy who won. Sigh. The Politics. Why do I keep getting sucked back in?

      Bernie Sanders is good, I think. He can keep some important Traditionally Democratic Issues from being lost in the noise of all those republicans hollering about Benghazi and The Clinton Foundation Fundraising. And as far as Waffling being an issue, it's now known as Evolving, and Scott Walker is already doing plenty.

      Delete
  8. Just worked at a polling station on Saturday. It's set up in an elementary school where 70% of the kids attending are latino. The people who come out to vote in local elections, however, are a completely different demographic: all white republicans over 50. And just over 50 of them showed up to vote during the 12-hour stretch I was there.

    What worries me the most about those people in the clown car are precisely the latinos or pseudo-latinos like Cruz and Bush. There is a growing sector of latinos in this state who think it’s cool to hobnob with the country club republicans or raise their fists at tea bagger rallies while they hold up their damn rifles that they by God have the right to do. Just before the midterms I was approached by a woman latino who was running for congress as a re-puke-i-can and wanted to hand me a “vote for me” badge. I asked her (in Spanish) what she liked so much about that party and she went on and on about Obama’s dirty socialist programs. I reminded her that free public education is a dirty socialist program. But we have it because we believe that our tax money should pay for something that we believe is a birthright. Too bad a lot of people don’t believe that healthcare is a birthright as well. I told her to keep the badge and hire someone who is literate in Spanish to proof her latino campaign flyers. How mean is that? Not mean enough. No apologies.

    And meanwhile, as Nancy pointed out, the Koch brothers just snicker and dole out their endless supply of money.

    Here’s what I vote for: six-week political campaigns from start to finish like they have in the U.K. Maybe that would limit the damage that is done with campaigns that last a year and a half. I am already sick of the stupidity and bickering, and we are months away from the first primary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ortizzle--Good for you. Good for you reminding some latinos that they have a History to remember and some responsibility toward it. I am not against rising from one's ashes, so to speak, and getting ahead and embracing The American Dream in any of its iterations, but it is always good to remember one's ancestors, however recent, and to have some respect. As Walt Whitman always reminds us, We are large; We contain multitudes. We are the sum total of those who came before us, and we cannot step one foot forward without some homage to those who blazed the path for us. Shame on anyone who thinks he or she can erase the blood on that trail.

      I'm with you as to limiting the time for any campaigns, and I think I said as much during the midterms in a blogpost someplace. Certainly that will never, ever happen, especially now that the Supremes have codified Dark Money as a Free Speech issue.

      Bless your dear, sweet heart for working a polling place. I flirted with the idea now that I am Retired, but I gave it up after seeing the horrific time commitment (5AM til 7PM, and the training session was similar). Perhaps one day, when I am less Newly Retired, but no thank you right now.

      Texas is increasingly putting its Crazy on display; Ohio is equally terrible, just far more insidious. I remain a Liberal Bastion Outpost wherever I go. (Is that redundant?)

      Delete
    2. Regarding working at the polls:
      I only had to go to one initial training session that was a couple of hours long. There was a second one later due to Texas law changing and asking for picture ID for voting. You know how I feel about that: when I went to do early voting at another place, I tested their knowledge of the new rules by presenting a photo ID from the state university where I work, and they told me, as they were required, that it was not acceptable. Imagine: a PHOTO ID that identifies me as an EMPLOYEE (not even a student) of a STATE UNIVERSITY (which requires a criminal background check every year) is NOT viable. BUT... a photo ID for a license to carry concealed handguns... THAT'S OK!!! So some nut job walking across the campus where I work, who could shoot me at will, has the right to use their handgun license to vote, but *I* can't vote by presenting my photo ID as a university employee.

      Back to the polling thing: The station where I work only requires me to be there a bit before 7 a.m., as the judge has everything set up the night before. It IS a long, long day, but mostly because, if it is not a national election, people just trickle in, and the day is endless. But it is only a couple of times a year, and it does give me a little spare cash, and the feeling that I am participating more actively in the process. At one point, I considered doing the extensive training needed to be an election judge, but when I discovered that they only get about $10 more for the entire day than the other workers, I decided to just remain a regular polling station worker.

      Yes, Texas is increasingly putting its Crazy on display. Except for the intellectual oasis that is Austin, the rest of the state is more and more evangelical all the time. I am putting my faith right now in people like Wendy Davis, and relying on recent studies that indicate that (even in this state), millennials are more and more free-thinking, tend to reject organized religion, and are much more tolerant of things such as gay rights marriage, women's rights, creating a legal path to citizenship for Dreamers, raising minimum wage, etc. So there is some hope for the future, in spite of the latest Crazy, Greg Abbott, being elected governor (after so many years of Crazy Rick Perry), and the recent incredibly ridiculous move by The New Governor to protect citizens' constitutional rights by siccing the Texas National Guard on the U.S. military troops performing perfunctory operations in Texas (and other states), a.k.a. "Jade Helm," in case our constitutional rights are violated and we become subject to martial law. This is not only tragic, it is hilarious if you think of all the support of "our troops" — every time someone in the military returns from overseas, there are dozens of citizens at the airport to receive them and thank them for their "service to our country" and for "protecting out democratic rights." WTF???

      Delete
    3. Ortizzle--My sister and I were just talking about how idiotic and extraterrestrial it is that less regulation is required for gun ownership than it is for parenting and pet ownership. We were just at the twice-yearly lake community garage sale, and the number of yahoos who asked if we "got any guns fer sale" was off-putting. All of us are very big gun control supporters, and we simply are not of the Gun Culture, period.

      Your point about Our Troops is so indicative of the paradoxical nature of the republican party and its supporters, especially the teapartiers. They hate the government, but they run for office; they hate government, but they ride Medicare scooters and collect disability; they wave the flag, but they form militias and want to tear down the country bullet by bullet. They identify as Christians, but they exclude, are intolerant of, and hate huge percentages of their fellow man. They keep favoring astronomical tax cuts and profits for business, but we've yet to see how it has helped to spur job growth or a robust economy. And the morons keep voting them in. I am confounded.

      Delete
  9. American politics are a lot more fun than our version. Mostly. Alberta just provided the pundits with a whole lot of fodder. We will have. A federal election this coming fall, just about the time the spiders start spinning their winter webs, and the latter will mostly be a lot more fun to watch.
    Love your analysis. I take it you are, maybe, not a dedicated Republican?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mary G--Thank you, and no, I am considered a Liberal Democrat. The other party baffles me when it is not entertaining or disgusting me, the latter becoming far more common. Sigh. American politics are "fun" for others, but sheer Hell for us Americans. Sometimes, I have to work hard to detach and re-embrace my Zen,.

      Delete
  10. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. phoebes--I re-subscribed you under your new email address. Check your email, including spam folders, for the confirmation email from Feedburner, the subscription service I use. Thanks for your continued support!

      (I didn't want to leave your email address hanging around here, so I deleted your comment.)

      Delete

Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...