According to USAToday.com, these are the "5 Things You Need To Know Wednesday", meaning yesterday. I have no idea how I happened upon this article, but it is likely that the title, stating that I "needed to know" them, made me do it. Anyway, here they are, and be ready to check them off if You Knew Them Wednesday, and feel smug and the better for that Knowledge.
1. The 'Piano Man' receives top music award from the Library of Congress
2. Rev your engines for the LA Auto Show
3. 10th anniversary of the "Malice in the Palace"
4. Say it ain't snow! No, it's definitely snow
5. And the sexiest man alive is…
These are THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW! ON WEDNESDAY! Now, that was yesterday. If you did not know any, or all, of these things, how did that ignorance affect your life? Let me tell all of you, with unabashed honesty, that I knew two of these only, Numbers 4 and 5. And the only reason I knew Number 5 was because all of the Cleveland news outlets made a huge deal of it since he was here filming The Avengers. As to the others, please. Their Necessity Quotient is zero. I am currently at the very tippy-top of all ten teams of our fantasy basketball league. I hold the trophy for highest points two weeks in a row. My basketball knowledge is, therefore, excellent. But even I did not know that ten years ago Wednesday was the day that the huge brawl happened between the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons in which Ron Artest climbed into the bleachers and assaulted a fan. Yet my life is largely the same, and so is my status as Fantastically Crushing All Comers. And aside from the ten million people who live in Los Angeles County, how many of the 300 million Americans NEED to know about the LA Auto Show? And even then...NEED to know? Right.
How trivial these Necessaries seem to me! And once I saw that they were for Wednesday, I snorted with derision when I contemplated what the USAToday.com people could deem Necessary That I Know For Thursday. Something about a TLC reality celebrity? Was something sculpted in Spam someplace? Will Ft. Lauderdale have a boat show? Let's take a look:
1. President Obama readies national remarks on overhauling immigration
2. Transgender hate crimes remembered across the country in Day of Remembrance
3. Inside trading schemer reports for nine-year prison sentence
4. Climate change to increase flood, crop insurance losses to trillions
5. American Cancer Society encourages kicking butt for Great American Smokeout