Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Dog Days

While away On Jaunt, if you will, Dearest Readers, I met a new dogfriend named Stella. She is a delightful canine torpedo of a Boston terrier. Before I arrived at Stella's house, considerable talk had occurred along the lines of What To Do Since Nance Was A Cat Person. I was horrified to discover that a contingency plan had been made to stow Stella away with her Grandmother in the adjoining "Mother-in-law Suite" in case I didn't appreciate her presence.

Of course, that was a Gracious and Hospitable thing to do, but the idea of separating a loving pet from her owners would have made me feel like the worst sort of villain. Besides, I already have a Dog Niece, a cute little Corgi mix named Abbi, for whom I carry tiny biscuits in my car at all times. Truth be known, I like dogs very much as a Spectator Sport. I simply know that owning one is not for me. Dogs, as I have stated many times before, are too worky. I view all dogs as a sort of Grandchild Entity: I enjoy them for purely temporary entertainment purposes and selfishly. Then they can go home with their pet parents and I can retreat to my cats, who, except for Hair Maintenance and Shitboxes, require little of me.

It seems, however, that now I will indeed have a Dog Grandchild, a Granddog, I guess. Sam and Jared, housemates now, have adopted a dog. Did I offer lots of Motherly Advice and do My Part, pointing out the various pitfalls of dog ownership at this stage in their lives? La, it is to laugh. I brought up their odd work schedules, the fact that they live on the second floor, the expense of vet bills, the way a dog needs to be exercised in all kinds of weather--even lousy NEO weather--and yada yada yada. Sam, as usual, said nothing. Jared said, "Mom. Do you think every dog owner in the USA is at home with their dog 24/7 and has a million dollars? This won't involve you at all. We're not kids anymore. It's okay."

So much of that is true that it hurts. It hurts because he is right and I am being a big fat idiot. Who needs to butt out.

You will all be happy to know that I did precisely that. I butted out, and better than that, even, I Got On Board With The Dog Happening. We all went--even St. Patsy--to buy food, dishes, collar, lead, toys, and treats at the store. And can I just say something about the topic and item known as a Dog Bed?

Whoever is in charge of Dog Bed Pricing is a genius. This cartel is making money hand over fist and making it in skyscraper-like stacks. I have never seen something so outrageous as the price of Dog Beds. When I bought cat beds, I spent no more than ten dollars ($10.00 US currency) per cat bed. You cannot buy a large Dog Bed for less than FIFTY DOLLARS ($50.00 US currency). I'd like to quote the clerk in the pet store when I say, "Right? Like...why?  For...what?" And that is for the most basic, no-frills, bigass pillow on the floor type thing. Any decent Dog Bed is going to run you at least EIGHTY BUCKS. I could not contain my outrage nor my incredulity. One Dog Bed we looked at was simply a cat bed on steroids. Period. IT WAS ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. FOR A DOG COVERED IN DOG HAIR TO LIE IN. POSSIBLY AFTER POOPING OUTDOORS AND LICKING ITSELF.

When did this happen? Who did this? And, more importantly, how do I get a cut?

Anyway, the best thing ever was a Pet Store employee who told us to go to a local buyout outlet. "It's ridiculous," she said. "You'll do much better there, at least half off, and get a brand-name bed." We went, and we got a Serta Dog Bed with a washable cover. A Serta. For a Dog. And it was still a ridiculous price, in my estimation, although way cheaper than anything we'd seen anyplace else.

Listen, if there is anyone out there who wants to go into business with me and sell affordable, good quality Dog Beds at a reasonable price, I am IN, one hundred percent. You be the seamstress/tailor, and I'll research and design/develop. We will rake in the cash; I am not kidding. The world needs high-quality Dog Beds at a fair price. Go ahead and check out Dog Beds online. You'll see what I mean.

Oh, and yes, like all good grandmothers everywhere, I do have a picture. Here he is. Meet my new one-year old Granddog, Zydrunas. He will be joining the family as of Friday, 9 May, rescued from the Cleveland APL, where he is being neutered and vetted before coming to his Forever Home and ridiculously overpriced Dog Bed.




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11 comments:

  1. I bought Buddy, the adolescent puppy, a dog bed. (He's three, now, and neutered, but the description still fits.) anyway, dog bed. He ate it. I then dug ot a big old tattered blanket from the back of the linen closet. He made a nice nest, where he hides his chew toys. Problem solved.

    As to the previous poster, I decline his invitation to his blog.

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  2. Alrighty then Mr. Finnell - but no.

    Your granddog is cute as a button. I totally agree with your assessment though - too worky. It sounds like you're doing a fine job practicing for real grandmotherhood. Did you buy him any little sweaters for NEO winters to come?

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  3. Bug--No sweaters for this dog, at least not yet. Abbi has sweaters because my brother gets her hair cut way, way down. She is an athlete. She walks 8 miles a day, and her glorious fur can be a hindrance sometimes in winter. I don't know if this dog will need them. He looks pretty stocky to me. I'll meet him up close on Friday.

    fauxprof--My family dog, Dusty, sort of a Samoyed/terrier mix, ate her wicker dog bed. Her bed turned out to be everyone else's bed. This was after my mother's pronouncement that "No dog will ever be on the furniture or on the beds." Dusty even had her own chair at the table, although not when meals were in session.

    I'm sure Buddy appreciates your initial efforts. When I start my Quality Affordable Dog Beds business, perhaps you'd like to gift Buddy with one of our models, now that he's older and less inclined to destroy it. I'll let you know when we're up and running. I'll give you an early adopter discount.

    As to the zealot whose comment I deleted, if he had mentioned even one single thing that was germane to my post, I'd have let his comment stand and even replied to it. But since it was blind proselytizing and advertising for his own blog, I followed my standard protocol and deleted it.

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  4. I'm sure that you'll make a delightful dog grandma. Such an honor, really. And when you start your dog bed business you can put all your profits toward Zydrunas's college fund. ;-)

    [Also, the name Zydrunas means…?]

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  5. Zydrunas is a handsome fellow. Of course, I looked up the name. Basketball player for Cleveland Cavaliers? I am guessing that was the inspiration.

    I found a list of lots of dog beds (admittedly some are "pet beds", but many have photos of dogs resting on/in them) that were well below $100. Here's one example, Chewy.com, that had dog beds from $7.99 (18") - $37.81 (48"):
    http://tinyurl.com/oz5xd42

    I LOVE dogs. But I won't have one for all the reasons you list. We live in a 2nd floor condo and are not home enough, in my opinion, to give the dog enough outdoor exercise (apart from the fact that this would mean going round and round the parking lot and not much else, unless we drove the dog to a park.) Like you, as well, I am sure the boys will manage.

    I about wet myself when I read the last sentence in paragraph two. I love it when, after several sentences of perfectly gracious language, I stumble upon something such as "shitboxes." :-))))

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  6. Nancy, I'm exactly like you. I am a Cat Lover but a Dog Liker. I love being with other people's dogs but then love even more going home to AliceObama and RobinObama.

    But why the hell does anybody by dog beds, and even worse, cat beds? Cats sleep wherever they want, whenever they want. And it's usually on top of my left hip as I sleep on my side, or in the middle of whatever chair I might want to occupy to read. I suspect the same is true of dogs...

    Anyway, enjoy your "Granddog". I also have one, a miniature golden doodle called Zoey. Very cute, but barks a lot and I sure am glad when I can say "goodbye".

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  7. We have owned dogs for 20+ years and always bought their beds at Costco or Wal-Mart. The really huge ones (for the 100+-lb dogs) were around $30 or $40 bucks. But I will admit - we don't buy Serta for our dogs.

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  8. MsC--The beds we found at our warehouse store were EcoBeds. They were very nice, but the one model we wanted had only one left--damaged--and it was $30. The only other one was $50. I don't shop at WalMart. We did go to Target, and they had a flimsy pad/cushion, all rolled up, that looked more suitable for a crate pad. It was $26. The boys wanted an actual bed; something the dog could sleep on and be trained to go lie down on. The Serta dogbed was purely by accident. Who knew they even made dogbeds? Not me! It was the one available at the closeout store. We sure lucked into that deal.

    phoebes--Please give the Obamas a snuggle for me. LOL. My cats, especially Piper, love their beds. Both are huge leaners, and they really like to be able to curl up and do a gangsta lean against the side of the bed. I like that it might save me one one-billionth an ounce of hair.

    The idea that there is a "breed" of dog called a Doodle gives me joy. I truly mean that. And that one is named Zoey is even better. It makes me a little more tolerant of her barkiness. She's probably happy about her circumstances, too.

    Ortizzle--You would be right re: the name. Jared said, "It exemplifies everything that I value about my childhood and what I'm trying to be as an adult." Rick and I had season tickets to the Cavaliers for many years, and the boys got to go to lots of games. They loved that time with their dad. Zydrunas Ilgauskas was drafted with severe foot problems, but the Cavs stuck with him, and he rewarded them with hard work and excellence. They just retired his jersey.

    Thank you for your Dogbed Research. I took a look at your link, but I also read the reviews and product details. One specifically that you showed was reviewed as flimsy, poorly constructed, and better suited to be a crate pad.

    The boys wanted something definitely bed-like. Part of their training of Zydrunas will be to make sure he knows to go lie down in his own bed on command.

    If I remember correctly, Zydrunas was found in a chemical factory. As a Red Alert Rescue, he was due to be euthanized by the end of next week. Both boys are terribly soft-hearted, and Sam especially tends to almost anthropomorphize (thank you, Disney!). They want Zydrunas to finally have a really nice life.

    Finally, I'm glad I can still surprise you. It's just too bad you can't be here when I sing The Shitbox Song as I clean them out, supervised, as always, by both cats. There are days when I am in excellent voice and can do some operatic runs, much to Marlowe's chagrin.

    Ally Bean--Bless your heart. You get Best Comment today for mentioning Zydrunas' College Fund.
    I also think that would be a great name for a punk band.

    As to the name's source, please read my comment to Ortizzle.

    Still shaking my head. I have the smartest and wittiest commenters ever.

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  9. Remember, Stella would say not to spend too much on a dog bed. It's just a matter of time before they take over what they really want...your bed.

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  10. I'm so glad that they decided to get a rescue dog, and the fact that he was on death row makes it an even better deal indeed. I hope he brings them MUCH joy. I do think they should make plans now for who gets custody when they go their separate ways, though. I mean, perhaps they will live together always, or live in neighboring homes with no fence in between, but in case that doesn't happen, they should have some kind of plan.

    Then again, perhaps not. Perhaps such a plan would distance the brother who is not going to get Z from him, and then if life turns out funny, as it so often does, and the plans need to change, it might get weird.

    Gen had a towel for several years. It was a place she could go when we wanted her to, as when we were eating. It was easily washable. She was fine with it. But as she got older and a bit more creaky, we thought she might like something softer, so we bought her a bed, which was made out of filler that was some sort of egg crate bedding stuff, a nice washable cover and bolsters around the edges to lean against. She loved it. LOVED it. The filling was difficult to get back in the bed and make it lay flat after washing the outside of the bed, and eventually kind of fell apart. But if our hearts are ever unbroken enough for us to be ready for another dog, I suspect he or she will have a bed from day one.

    We're dog people here. Helped along by the fact that Ted is DEATHLY allergic to cats. But I like a worky animal, one that needs long walks every afternoon is a motivation, and I hate the shitbox. Then again, I don't live in NEO, I live in NorCal, where the worst we get is a bad rainstorm, and not even so many of those. Wet dog is not fun, but gosh, they give a lot of joy, so they're worth it.

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  11. J@jj.com--Zydrunas adores his bed. He came over for a visit today, and I wore him out so much that he not only slept the whole way home, he ran for his bed the minute he got there. He zonked back out immediately.

    Shitboxes have come a long way, thanks to new and improved cat litter. Ours are in the basement, and no one even knows that they exist but the two who use them and me, the One Who Cleans Them.

    Moheckie--Z has already taken over Sam's bed. He is thrilled.

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