Scene opens on interior of living room. Rick and Nance are on the couch. It is approximately 8 PM. Suddenly, in a move completely uncharacteristic of him, Piper, the normally well-behaved cat, jumps onto the coffee table and begins nosing around. Nance is shocked and nearly, for her anyway, speechless. Rick is almost asleep.
Nance: (loudly and sternly) Piper! What on earth are you doing up there? How ridiculous! (to Rick now) Do you see that?
Rick: (drowsily) Yes. Yes, I do.
Nance: No, you don't. You were asleep. (During this exchange, Marlowe, the chronically disobedient cat, has leapt up onto the coffee table as well. Both cats sit staring at Nance.) What in the--! What are the two of you doing? Not even close! It is not even close to your night feeding! And on the table! I have absolutely had it with the two of you. And Rick, I wish you'd speak to them.
Rick: (eyes closed) Hey. Cats.
Nance: (rolling eyes at Rick; speaks directly and sternly to cats in Teacher Voice) You know, I am about ready to go right down to the Friendship APL tomorrow and march right in there and adopt the oldest, crabbiest, male cat they have. And I am going to bring him home and name him...BobDole and have him just regulate the two of you! BobDole will come in here and ride herd on you bad cats and shape you right up, do you hear me? (to Rick now) How about that, Rick? How awesome would that be, to have a crabbyass old cat and name it BobDole?
Rick: (rouses himself for this) That's pretty good.
Nance: (starts laughing) Remember how cranky Bob Dole always was? How he talked about himself in the third person? (breaks into Bob Dole impersonation a la Norm MacDonald on SNL) "Bob Dole won't raise your taxes!" BobDole is a great name for an old, fussy cat! And if it had a mangled little paw, it would be even better! Remember how Bob Dole had the one hand that was---
Rick: (patting her hand)--okay, Nance, okay. I get it. Okay.
Nance: I won't really adopt another cat, you know. But the whole idea is pretty funny.
Rick: (still patting) I know.
cat photo found here