Sunday, November 18, 2012

In Which I Invoke A republican To Strike Fear In The Hearts Of My Pets

Scene opens on interior of living room.  Rick and Nance are on the couch.  It is approximately 8 PM.  Suddenly, in a move completely uncharacteristic of him, Piper, the normally well-behaved cat, jumps onto the coffee table and begins nosing around.  Nance is shocked and nearly, for her anyway, speechless.  Rick is almost asleep.





Nance(loudly and sternly) Piper! What on earth are you doing up there?  How ridiculous!  (to Rick now)  Do you see that? 
Rick(drowsily)  Yes.  Yes, I do.
Nance:  No, you don't.  You were asleep.  (During this exchange, Marlowe, the chronically disobedient cat, has leapt up onto the coffee table as well. Both cats sit staring at Nance.)  What in the--!  What are the two of you doing?  Not even close!  It is not even close to your night feeding!  And on the table!  I have absolutely had it with the two of you.  And Rick, I wish you'd speak to them.
Rick(eyes closed)  Hey.  Cats.
Nance(rolling eyes at Rick; speaks directly and sternly to cats in Teacher Voice)  You know, I am about ready to go right down to the Friendship APL tomorrow and march right in there and adopt the oldest, crabbiest, male cat they have.  And I am going to bring him home and name him...BobDole and have him just regulate the two of you!  BobDole will come in here and ride herd on you bad cats and shape you right up, do you hear me?  (to Rick now)  How about that, Rick?  How awesome would that be, to have a crabbyass old cat and name it BobDole?
Rick(rouses himself for this)  That's pretty good.
Nance (starts laughing)  Remember how cranky Bob Dole always was?  How he talked about himself in the third person? (breaks into Bob Dole impersonation a la Norm MacDonald on SNL) "Bob Dole won't raise your taxes!" BobDole is a great name for an old, fussy cat!  And if it had a mangled little paw, it would be even better! Remember how Bob Dole had the one hand that was---
Rick: (patting her hand)--okay, Nance, okay.  I get it.  Okay.
Nance:  I won't really adopt another cat, you know.  But the whole idea is pretty funny.
Rick(still patting)  I know.

End scene

cat photo found here

11 comments:

  1. !. How did you like Lincoln? We just got back, and I really liked DDL a lot, and the 2nd half of the movie...the first half drug a little for me. Maya was disappointed that the movie started after the 'the Senate Smackdown' when Brooks beat Sumner unconscious with his cane. She's 16, what can I say. At least history comes alive for her, no?

    2. I LOVE the idea of a grouchy cat named BobDole. When he got really high and mighty, he could refer to himself a Doleybob. HA! We had a lot of fun around here doing impressions when Dole was running.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nance ---those photos could be images of twins, the cat and Bob Dole, or is it BobDole and Bob Dole? Same expression on both.

    If Bob Dole hadn't referred to himself in the 3rd person, he might have been OK as a candidate, oh, except for the grouchiness and the fact that he was Republican. That 3rd person thing freaked out a lot of people.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh that Bob Dole. Remember those viagra commercials? Now THAT was scary! I imagine that would put some fear into a cat...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes. BobDole. Though Cheney is definitely crankier, I think he's not so much a candidate since everyone knows he's not human but robot.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I actually own a cat named after a Republican politician. My elderly girl is called Millicent Fenwick. Remember her? The elderly, hat-wearing, moderate progressive congresswoman from New Jersey? Gary Trudeau based the "Doonesbury" character of Lacey on her. She and Margaret Chase Smith of Maine were my favorite Republicans of all times. Smith was the only Senator with the cojones to stand up to evil old Joe McCarthy.

    I do remember thinking that had Bob Dole been as funny when campaigning as after he retired and started doing commercials, he might have gotten a few more votes. Not mine, of course, but I would have thought better of him.

    The cat, by the way, answers only to "Kitty", if at all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. fauxprof--Oh, heck yes I remember Millicent Fenwick! My sister and brother-in-law lived in NJ for many years, and I was going to be a transplanted New Jerseyan. Stories of Millicent Fenwick were part of the culture. How fun to know you have a cat named for her although she is supremely ungrateful for it.

    Like most retirees, once Bob Dole got out of his Daily Grind, he was finally able to relax his persona and get some distance and perspective. I remember him being funny on SNL, too. But the Viagra ads had to have cost him a little bit of stature. Ahem.

    Rainbow Motel--I won't even say that particular republican's name out loud in my house. We refer to him by his code name: Darth Vader.

    Bug--How much cash do you think it took to get him to drop some dignity and do those commercials? Or do you think he so believed in--and/or was so grateful for--that pharmaceutical that he was happy to do it? Men and their stiffies...what they won't do in the name of them. Sigh.

    CJ--Isn't that a great pic? I think I searched "angry cat" or "cranky cat" and that was one of the first ones. Maybe even "crabby cat." Couldn't resist with that paw up there, even.

    I'm always so intrigued by anyone who refers to himself/herself in the third person and not with the Royal We, but the entire name, like Bob Dole. Is it a symptom of having a very definite and separate Public Persona apart from one's Private Persona? Is it a sort of disassociative trait in which the person feels separated from himself in a public role when doing something he doesn't want ownership of? Fascinating.

    j@jj--I loved doing impressions of Bob Dole the candidate as well. I was getting pretty wound up doing one on the couch, but Rick wasn't having it.

    RE: "Lincoln"--DD-L was wonderful in the role, and that made me feel some disappointment in the film, I think. Don't get me wrong: I thought it was v. good, but it is much less a film of LINCOLN, and more a narrative of the difficult birth of the 13th Amendment. I couldn't help but feel that this was a missed opportunity, somehow; Spielberg had the greatest actor of the generation, who had inhabited Abraham Lincoln so completely, and instead he overpopulated the film with a lot of extra people and stuff. It was so much more political and less personal. That is probably my own bias and angst as a Lincoln junkie. I still very much liked it. I have, of course, a ton more to say, but this isn't the place, in comments, and I don't want to spoil it for most people--I would say the majority of people havent' seen it yet, and most of my readers probably plan to. GO SEE IT.

    Then we can all chat about it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Crap. Misplaced the apostrophe in haven't, above. Urk.

    ReplyDelete


  8. I love the idea of a cat named BobDole and think he looks very much like the real Bob Dole.Cranky and out of sorts, you know.

    The only thing missing is a pen in his "bad" hand. Bob Dole always twirled a pen around so you would be sure to notice that he was wounded in the war.

    Speaking of being wounded in a war,Bob Dole's reputation took a giant hit when he sided with the "Swift Boat" gang who piled on John Kerry in the 2004 election. He should have stayed out of that one.

    On another subject,I bought my Thanksgiving turkey last week and he is almost completely stuffed. I like to stuff my turkey while he's still alive. It saves a lot of time on Thanksgiving Day.

    I sure hope he is not the turkey that the President picks to pardon. Think of all the bread that would be wasted.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family and to all of your terrific commenters who..whom (take your pick) I really enjoy reading .

    ReplyDelete
  9. Nancy--Your turkey story (LOL) reminds me of how they make foie gras.

    How well I remember the whole Swift Boat episode. So egregious and shocking that now, as I'm sure you know, "Swift Boat" has become a political verb.

    Happy Thanksgiving to you and your dear husband and family as well. So glad to see you in comments after a bit of a hiatus. You have been missed.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This morning, after shelling both the Beacon Journal and the Plain Dealer to extract the actual newspapers from the combined ten pounds or so of advertising inserts, I cooked a sumptuous breakfast for realprof and myself, and then filled the kitchen with good, spicy baking smells. All of this got me all nostalgic, and I decided to check in on the parade for the first time in years.

    Almost wrecked my holiday mood, let me tell ya. It's very pretty in hi-def color, and I was enjoying the Kermit balloon. But then, the chirpy hosts introduced a "pop phenom" (actual chirpy quote) who began to sing her latest auto tuned, nasal hit.

    Luckily, I know how to use a remote, so headed back to the kitchen for further prep and some music of my own choosing on i-tunes. Happy mood regained and retained. It occurred to me that I am, among many other things, thankful for discovering this great blog. Happy Thanksgiving, Nance and all.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh, fauxprof, thanks! Thank you for such a lovely sentiment, and thank you for thinking of me on this wonderful holiday. (It's almost like being part of your family! ;-0)

    I didn't even watch the Parade OR the Dog Show this year. We had a small Turkey Emergency and I had to fuss a little more than usual this year. A few other things occurred that were out of the Ordinary, but we had a very nice holiday together, the four of us, despite it all.

    Thank you again, and I extend your wishes to my readers as well, hoping everyone had a restful (as possible) holiday with those they love best.

    ReplyDelete

Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

LinkWithin

Blog Widget by LinkWithin