Not sure if you're aware, but it's December now and The Holidays are Imminent.
I know, right?
This year, as you can imagine, I have Way More Time, and as a result, I am All Over It. My tree went up last weekend, my shopping is 99% done and wrapped, and my Serenity Level is...well, goes without saying. Way different than The Old, Working Nance. Do I still think that Christmas = Work? Yes, I do. The difference is, this time I can make Christmas my only job. What a luxury!
Anyway, couple of things:
~*~ While out shopping at a Retail Haven For The Upscale, I turned the corner in one store and almost ran directly into one of those Bigass Humvee Strollers. (You know the type--upholstered and uparmored and flagrantly expensive and ridiculous.) I instinctively looked up at the Pusher to apologize. She was about forty, dressed head to toe in winter white cashmere and a rabbit fur vest. Her manicure cost more than my car. She wasn't even looking my way, so instead I looked to the denizen of the stroller. In it were two Schnorkies--Yorkie and Schnauzer mixes. They stared at me with a bored, arrogant look, as if to say, "That's right, a stroller. Got something to say? I didn't think so. Now get the fuck out of our way before Mumsy calls security." I wanted so badly to stick around and wait for the very no-nonsense lesbian couple who I had been chatting up earlier in housewares to discover this...tableau, but I had other shopping to do. Besides, if I stood there much longer, open-mouthed and gaping, I was afraid I'd dry out.
~*~Never in the history of the Dept. has the Christmas tree been without adventure of some kind or another. Watering the tree is always an awkward job, what with the low-hanging branches, shifting the tree skirt, Cattens grooming my hair as I lie under the tree, and maneuvering the water pitcher, all as I keep a couple of fingers inside the stand to monitor the water level while I pour. "Geeze," I commented to Piper the other day while I tipped the pitcher against the boughs, "this tree is taking a ton of water!" As I emptied the pitcher entirely, suddenly Piper jumped backward. A small pond was rapidly growing beneath the tree, sprouting one significant tributary headed toward the coffee table. I had missed the interior of stand entirely--somehow--and was cheerfully and studiously pouring water down the stand and onto the carpet below. Thankfully, Rick and I had just emptied a bottle of Old Vines Chardonnay 2006, which I rescued from the recycle bin*, and now I use it to water the tree far more accurately.
*It was a Christmas Miracle!
So, how are all of your Holiday Preparations coming along?
No way can you resist this headline. I couldn't. And the photo of some gangsta thuggin' cows is your reward. The Day I Was Almost Killed By A Rampaging Herd Of Cows. Click the blinking martini sign. You know you want to.
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The Leopard Hat: A Daughter's Story by Valerie Steikel
The Dept. Of Cattens
Nance Raises Her Glass To
John Fugelsang, who gives a wonderful rant about how South Carolina elected scumbag Mark Sanford, proving that it's okay to be a bad Christian as long as you're a good liar. Come on, South Carolina, how big of a bad joke do you want to be?Click the glass to see the video rant. Very worth it.
No One's Off The Hook
“New Rule: Republicans trying to turn the Benghazi attacks into a scandal that taints Hillary Clinton’s chances at a 2016 presidential run must realize that scandals don’t weaken Hillary Clinton, they only make her stronger. Travelgate, the Rose Law Firm,Whitewater, Vince Foster, Monica Lewinsky… Hillary Clinton eats scandals for breakfast. If the Republicans keep this up she’ll not only be President, she’ll appoint Bill to the Supreme Court." – Bill Maher
Gay Rights Are Human Rights
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We Had A Dream. And A Spoon. Unite!
Nutella is more than just a “chocolaty hazelnut spread;” it is a way of life.
I'm a newly retired high school English teacher in NE Ohio. Trapped in the confines of a barely blue state, I consider The Cleveland Plain Dealer to be my bible and my plans to relocate to be my savior.