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Sunday, November 13, 2011

The Art Of Being Nance: We Might Need To Put A Call (Or A Text Message?) Out To Jesus

I find myself singularly uninspired and hugely unmotivated lately.  This leads to massive amounts of Leisuretime Guilt.  It is difficult to reconcile myself with this New Lifestyle.

But I press on.

Mindful as I am with my Tragic Neglect of this space, I will flood it now with a variety of Thingies for your perusal.  Such as:

(-)Yesterday while out on errands, I saw this sign on a church:  NEED A MAKEOVER?  CALL JESUS!  I don't think I'm being deliberately obtuse when I say that I really don't get this exhortation.  Yes, I do infer that it means a spiritual makeover, probably, but why "call" Jesus?  Do I just holler?  Can I punch in 1-800-JESUS on my cellie? Or is there a Latino Clinique representative who rented the sign, maybe? "Oh, Jesus, I don't know. I'm just tired of the same old look. Can we sort of freshen me up a little with a more peachy lip and maybe a moss green eyeliner?"

(-)I am on Day 3 of a Monumentally Huge Headache Of Titanic Proportions.  No idea why.  So...Rick decides to use the leaf blower for eleventy hours.  Clearly, this is Purgatory.  Tomorrow, if my headache is gone, I will be reevaluating my life and considering entering a convent to atone for my (obviously) considerable sins, unless it is too late, in which case I'll say hello to a few folks for you.

(-)What has happened to me?  Some of the following are true! 
1.  I voted for a republican in the last local election.
2.  I own an iPhone.
3.  I have a secret Twitter account.
4.  Ditto Facebook.
5.  I own leggings and wear them in public.
6.  I send text messages.
7.  I ordered beer in a restaurant.
Which of these are you willing to believe of me and shatter all of your Nance Ideals?  Oh, the HORROR, I know!  But I have a good explanation, and you shall have it, for each and every one that is A Fact.

And just so that you can rest easily...

(-)I went on a private tour of the Cleveland Museum of Art this week, with a lovely cocktail party immediately following.  My financial planner and sometime boss (for whom I do some freelance writing) invited Rick and me.  It made me a little ashamed that I had not been there in so long, but renewed my pride in our wonderful museum and its collections. I immediately resolved to drive in one day soon and spend several hours wandering and enjoying the paintings and furniture.  I am not much on sculpture or armor or sarcophagi although there are plenty of those there.  I am also anxious to again prove that I can, indeed, view art and not embarrass myself by crying at it, like I did at the Vermeers in Washington, D.C.

I think I told you about that, didn't I?  Sigh.  (But...his brush hairs were right there and everything!)

This headache...what a bitch.  Send me your drugs. STAT.

15 comments:

  1. Brush hairs? I think that would get me as well.

    For a persistent headache, I prescribe gatorade. Sometimes it's an electrolyte imbalance. I may be wrong, but it's worth trying. Also, of course, drugs and sleep, and sometimes a walk will help clear things up. I feel for you. Headaches suck. I have lost my crush on Rick, though, for torturing you so.

    I think the true thin is that you ordered beer in a restaurant. Hey, maybe that's what caused the headache. Not the beer. The knowledge of betraying your own ideals in such a way.

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  2. I'm a bit suspicious of the Republican voting part, but I like that you're pushing the boundaries in other areas. Boo/hiss on Rick for the leaf blower incident. I am also a sufferer of headaches, but fortunately not nearly like I once did. However, once having descended down the path to "head hell", my feeling is that any and all noise makers should be shot with no qualms whatsoever.

    And who is Othello?

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  3. If number one is true then I'm disowning you. Not really, but I'll sure want to hear THAT explanation! I can handle the others.

    Sorry about the headache. I have some 800 mg ibuprofen I can give you. Would you like to meet in Mt. Gilead? It looks to be about halfway :)

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  4. So. Maryland2:17 PM

    When the snow starts to accumulate, consider flying south to visit some of the museums that you may have missed in DC.
    They include:

    African Art Museum
    Air and Space Museum
    Air and Space Museum Udvar-Hazy Center
    American Art Museum
    American History Museum
    American Indian Museum
    American Indian Museum Heye Center
    Anacostia Community Museum
    Archives of American Art
    Arts and Industries Building
    Cooper-Hewitt
    National Design Museum
    Freer Gallery of Art
    Hirshhorn Museum & Sculpture Garden
    National Arboretum
    National Zoo
    Natural History Museum
    Portrait Gallery
    Postal Museum
    Renwick Gallery
    Ripley Center
    Sackler Gallery
    Smithsonian Castle
    Smithsonian Gardens

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  5. ¿Clinique latino? —Still chewing on that one. Are latinos in your neck of the woods associated with (forgive the terminology) "Jesus freaks"? Or was the peachy lip and moss green eyeliner supposed to be the connection?

    Sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear how each of those 7 things happened to you. Although I suspect that retirement played a hand in at least some of them. ;-)

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  6. Ortizzle--LOL LOL!! NO...I meant "Jesus" as in (forgive me) Hay-soos (phonetic pronunciation)--like a Puerto Rican guy who gives makeovers at the cosmetics counter. Oh, hell. Never mind. It was WAY FUNNY in my HEAD when I thought of it.

    Not all 7 of the listed Things occurred. Though I do suspect being Retired and Not As Tightly Wound have played a large role, you're right!

    So. Maryland--Hey! You had snow already, didn't you? Ha ha!! (I should be careful, I know. The Almanac forecast is so dire!) DC does have a ton of museums that I, as a Good American, should visit. Rick still owes me a trip to Springfield and look! DD-L was already there! Missed him again!

    The Bug--Oh, dearie, I've tossed so many more Bigass Drugs at this fucking headache than just ibuprofen. I still have it today! Even the cats are cuddling me more than usual in their pity. And yes, #1 did happen. It was for local council-at-large, and he is a good guy. The rest of the slate was so stale and entrenched, and he will inject some much-needed rejuvenation. Sorry. (But there is more! Horrors.)

    LaFF--Othello is the new resident at the house where Jared lives with two housemates. His paws are freakishly huge, so he will probably grow up to be a domestic panther. I was thrilled that he was named so literarily and that "Tupac" was not seriously under consideration. Sigh. Glad your headaches are no longer a persisting issue. Mine hadn't been, but this one came out of nowhere and wants to do me in. Still.

    J.@jj--I'm hydrating like crazy, although have not tried gatorade yet. I will tomorrow if it is still here (the headache). Thank you for understanding about the brush hairs. I was so overcome with emotion by just seeing Vermeers, but when I was allowed to get so incredibly up close and intimate, I was in awe. And to be rewarded by seeing actual hairs of his brush was beyond my capabilities at that point. I felt terrible for the attendant; he did not really know quite what to do for (or with) me.

    Don't lose your crush on Rick. He was so singularly motivated yesterday that he was quite oblivious to everything. That asteroid could have fallen on the house and he would have blithely blown the debris right out to the curb along with the leaves.

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  7. PS J.@jj--No, I never ordered myself a beer. I can't. My migraine meds make it impossible for me to drink beer. Ruins the taste of it, which I never really cared for in the first place.

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  8. Nance, beer sucks, so yay you!

    Rick will have to re-earn my crush, though. I hope your headache goes away SOON. The worst of mine always seem to be connected to my sinuses, and hurt the head, the eyes, the neck, the shoulders, and oddly, my gums. Cold and Sinus advil helps some, but really, the only thing that REALLY helps is a change in the weather. Sigh.

    I wish the true thing were that you were on Facebook. You could join me and a couple other of your bloggy friends there. But I do understand and respect your disdain for it. Sigh again.

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  9. Mikey G.1:51 PM

    I'll go for the following as facts:

    (1) You voted for a republican
    (3) You have a Twitter account
    (5) You own leggings and wear them in public
    (6) You send text messages

    I feel more secure in my guesses of (1) and (3), but they are just guesses, so I could be entirely wrong.

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  10. Yes, I can believe that two of the statements are TRUE.

    1. You once voted for a republican:

    He was running for Septic Tank operator and and part of his job was driving the STOOL BUS.

    2. You own leggings and have worn them in public.

    With your culottes and crocs.

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  11. Nancy--Oh my love! Now you are making me feel terrible! For I do own leggings, and I do wear them in public, but oh so very tastefully and stylishly. Mine are worn only with longer sweaters or a large, belted men's tailored shirt and boots or flats and are opaque and sturdy so that I don't look like I've forgotten pants. Even Jared, my eldest, who scrutinizes my wardrobe, approves. (Sadly, so did a rogue male shopper at the grocery store who made a feeble attempt to pick me up, but let's not say any more about that.)

    Stool bus. Good one.

    Mikey--I am adamant in my refusal to participate in FB and Twitter. So much connectedness continues to feel like highschool crap to me. I have, however, bowed to the inevitable of sending text messages. Although I detest the minuscule keyboard and the lack of a back arrow for correction, I detest talking on the phone more. It is seductively easy to communicate this way. I now fully understand its allure. I do NOT, however, believe in using it for entertainment, inanity, or diversion while driving.

    One exception to that would be to irritate Jared by randomly sending him pictures of the kittens or bulletins about Maurice Jones-Drew or Michael Sims-Walker, who I heavily promoted drafting to his fantasy team. It's a sickness.

    J@jj--I honestly do think it was a weather thing/sinusy thing. We had a spate of odd weather here: temps above normal, tornado watch, thunderstorms, then a cold front. Add HORMONES IN FLUX to the mix and it simply could not be helped. It got to the point where I could not tolerate even having my cheapo reading glasses perched on top my head. Today is the first day I've felt normal (Weds.).
    Thank you for saying you miss me on FB, and by the same token respect my feelings for same. I don't judge anyone who is on FB because I get the whole idea of it; it's just not my thing. I used to really get preachy about FB, but now I have gotten over myself about it, I think. Some people do need to get beyond FB, if you know what I mean, but for those that have reconnected with people and are happy about it or have made good connections, then more power to them.

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  12. Mikey G.6:54 PM

    The only reason I thought you may have gotten a twitter account is that some people lock their account, so that only people who are subscribed to them can see them. I had figured there was a possibility that someone you know had a locked account you might want to view. 'twas just a thought.

    And does this mean I can text you pictures of me doing random things? ;-)

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  13. Hi, Nance! Was watching Brian Williams yesterday evening and thought of you. Didn't like his tie in the least!! But I digress. Been fairly unmotivated myself recently, but did jump into NaBloPoMo, to get my creative juices, as it were, flowing again. My post this morning reminded me of you and your kitties. How are they, anyway? And if you do have a "secret" Twitter account, let's be friends! Hope the falsity is the Republican thing. I was proud of Ohio on Election Day. Take care!

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  14. Melissa--Piper and Marlowe are fine and still terribly spoilt. Rick is at the end of his patience due to their constant gnawing on technology cords, and I am frantically searching for a remedy. Wrapping in foil and rubbing the Bitter Apple gunk on them is NOT effective. Sigh.

    As I stated Comments above, NO to the Twitter thing, but Yes to a repub vote. It was a local councilperson.

    The whole NaBlo thing is not for me. Don't like having a boss or artificial constructs, and I'd rather have something to say and write a quality post than just toss stuff up there because I have to in order to meet a quotidian challenge. I'm retired now!

    Finally, I love that BriWiTie from Friday! One of my faves. Oh well, no accounting for tastes, right? Thanks for finding your way back here. Keep a lid on it down there in VA.

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  15. Mikey--No. Use email. Please.

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Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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