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Sunday, September 04, 2011

On The Road Again: Sexy Ice Cream, Sexy House, And Hillbilly Stonehenge. You're Welcome

On Saturday Rick indulged me and took me out for a Ride.  We didn't have any real destination in particular, which is my favourite kind of Ride.  It was 97 degrees outside--NEO's typical September Summer Blast--and I just wanted to get out of the house and Drive Around awhile and see what I could see.  Deep below my whimsy ran the insidious undercurrent of A Hidden Agenda:  Mitchell's Homemade Ice Cream.  We ended up there after a time, and I was richly rewarded with a scoop each of lemon blackberry sorbet and rhubarb chevre frozen yogurt.  Rick had two scoops of caramel sea salt ice cream.

Needless to say, it was all downhill after that.  Case in point:

Along the road (some road, who knows which or where, really) I saw what looked like a spare, dilapidated, faux colonial made of cardboard residing behind gargantuan hunks of sandstone, in picket-like formation.  It was astounding and absurd.  Immediately, I turned to Rick.

Me(assuming he had seen it) Wow.  They have some big rocks.
Rick(cringing and grinning) Um...what? Who?
Me:  No, really. Back there.  That horrifying house.  Didn't you see the big rocks in their yard?  It was like Stonehenge.
Rick:  No, I didn't. 
Me:  Well, they were huge. And really, it was completely ridiculous. Enormous pieces of sandstone, all along, in front of their house. Entirely out of proportion and character. They needed to be taller or the house needed to be shorter.  The house was a dump. A hillbilly haven. You really should turn around and go back and look at it. 
Rick:  I'm not going to do that.
Me:  It was hideous.  I cannot imagine what possessed them to put those in their yard.  It was unbelievable.  I'm...I'm...I'm just done talking about it.
Rick:  Thank God.

Second case, and this one was in our downtown area.  This mystifying sign caught my eye immediately, and I made Rick circle back and sit through two traffic lights so that I could get a picture.  If I had not already had my Orgasmic Ice Cream, I would have needed it for a reward after seeing this:

SEXY HOUSE 4 SALE ONLY     !
And then, inexplicably, in the lower right hand corner, is the picture of a...
German Shepherd.  (Oh, do click to enlarge.)

Which, for those of you scoring at home, is a DOG.  Which may or may not be sexy, for sale, only, or named "House."

We are two more bottles down in the wine cellar.

9 comments:

  1. I was really hoping to see a sexy house! Oh well. The ice cream is sexy enough I guess. : )

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  2. Mikey G.12:24 AM

    When you visit, we need to have an ice cream tour of San Francisco. There's a few really unique places here, one of which has my favorite ice cream in the entire world. It's called "ricanelas", and it's cinnamon ice cream with snickerdoodle pieces mixed in. Sometimes they also have whole snickerdoodles, and I have them make me an ice cream sandwich.

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  3. Just staring up at Mikey G.'s ice cream name: ricanelas. I am guessing it is from:
    nela = canela = cinnamon
    rica = rich (tasting)
    Yum. I need to hike out to S.F. again.

    ***********
    OK. The dog. I did check him out in HD, and, uh... I think he could definitely be sexy, probably not for sale, only used to the good things in life, and unique enough to be called House if it were in honor of our friend Hugh Laurie.

    On the other hand, maybe there really is a House of the Rising Sun for sale, but only German shepherds are considered potential buyers. Somehow, that conjures up even raunchier scenarios.

    Any way you look at it, I'm sure the two bottles of wine consumed resulted in some very creative resolutions to the dilemma.

    I propose that the next jaunt be at least a whimsical search for the residence advertised on that sign. Too bad they ripped all the phone numbers off the bottom.

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  4. Dept. of Nance, making me laugh every time.

    In our travels this past weekend I saw a house with some stubby column-like structures out by the road (about 7 of them), then a large tree-free lawn, then the house, which was nice enough. Very odd. But not really stonehenge, so you win.

    As far as the sexy house for sale - that's just... I really have no words. Maybe the dog is the seller?

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  5. Bug--Oh, who the hell knows? I swear, I am so Done with trying to figure out half the population of Ohio just cluttering up the landscape with...clutter. Urk.

    Ortizzle--That poor dog. Even he looked like he knew he had no business on that sign. And I could tell by the sign that, really, the ripped part wasn't where there were little tags of phone numbers. It was like it was where the bigass piece of computer paper was torn off because they couldn't figure out how to copy/paste more than one picture of the dog onto it, so they had to waste paper. Then they couldn't find scissors, so they just tore off the extra paper and stuck the picture onto the sign. (Because you know there are other signs like that around the city. You just know it.) Sigh.

    Mikey--I am not a huge ice cream fan, but when I get the craving, I worry it like a pit bull does a steak. And the flavours at Mitchell's are really lovely. Sadly, it is so rich and caloric that it blows me up for the day. I had that ice cream at about 2 and couldn't eat dinner until almost 8. Even then, it was just a few bruschetta. I swear, the minute I left the ice cream parlor, I felt an inch of butterfat coating the roof of my mouth.

    Lisa--Believe me, had there been an address or photo, I would have faithfully given you the Whole Scoop. LOL.

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  6. Rick looks surprisingly like F.Scott Fitzgerald in the picture you posted of him.

    Does he ever slip and call you Zelda?

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  7. Ice cream at 2 and bruschetta at 8? That sounds like a heavenly day to me, esp with 2 bottles of wine. YUM. I adore ice cream SO much more than cake, and even more than pie. Happy days for me, because on Sunday we're going to a birthday party where we will be having ice cream sundaes instead of birthday cake. YAY! Everyone brings their own flavor, and we share. I'm not sure if I'm going to go conventional, and bring coffee, because I adore coffee ice cream(though if I do, I'll bring some heath bars to smash up in there because that's GOOD), or if I'll get my personal usual favorite, Cherries Jubilee, from Baskin Robbins. Though they're sometimes out, which would pretty much make up my mind for me.

    I think that dog is damn sexy, and I wish you could have found the house. Damn.

    Rick is an extremely good sport to turn around for you. Extra credit goes to him. Also to you, for picking yummy sounding ice cream flavors.

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  8. Maybe the dog's house is sexy, and he's selling it. Has mirrors and poodle sculptures, and a carpeted faux human leg that dog residents can hump at will.

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  9. V--Hee hee. That dog does look pretty self-assured. He probably does have his own digs and the moxie to market it.

    J.@jj--I made the brie--roast chicken--tarragon bruschetta, but this time subbed in a slice of ripe nectarine for the red grapes. Terrif. Also had the standard pesto, tomato, balsamic. I thought of you, J, I really did. We really need to meet someday and have a bruschetta confab. And wine. And avocado. And now ice cream. Okay...maybe not all on the same day.

    Nancy--This is an old picture of Rick and me. His hair is way longer now, and we traded for hybrids. I have only a couple of Pet Names, but none of them is Zelda, believe it or not. I pushed really hard to give Sam the middle name of Shakespeare or Coleridge, but Rick fought me--hard. As a result, the only literary names I ever got to bestow have been on pets. Sigh.

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