It is New Year's Day. Rick, Nance, and eldest son Jared are gathered in the living room. Nance is tucked into the corner of her huge easy chair, encased in fleece. Rick is similarly relaxing in his chair and Jared, sprawled on the couch, is drinking Diet Pepsi and eating...something...again. On the television is a Lockup RAW marathon.
Me: Is this really all that's on?
Jared: (rolls eyes at me; speaks only to his father) Dad, if you were in prison, what gang would you join?
Rick: Wow. I don't know. Hmm. Let me think about it.
Me: Seriously? This is our New Year's Discussion?
Jared: (ignoring me completely) I'd probably join the Latin Kings. Yeah, that's the one.
Me: No way. They cut people too much. That's all they do is cut people.
Rick: Yeah, that's true. They're always in knife fights in these prisons.
Jared: (authoritatively) That's just the way they operate. Sometimes you have to cut you some bitches to show 'em you mean business.
Rick: They cut, like, five people a day.
Me: I get up early anyway. If I was in prison, I'd cut five bitches before breakfast.
That way, everybody would know to leave me the hell alone.
Jared: That's what I'm talkin' about, Mom!