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Monday, July 06, 2009

I Was On The Road Again, But Didn't See Willie Nelson, Just Some Other Puzzling Stuff We Can Chat About

Had a bit of a Hiatus there; contrary to Some Popular Belief, I am not nearly as Indestructably Valiant as I might appear. Quite simply, I ran away for a few days. Had to...re-centre. And now, to paraphrase Gloria Gaynor, I'm back from "outer space," and am ready to press on.

So...onward.

Musings from the Road Trip:

Passed a few Fireworks Places, and am once again struck by the signage for these retail outlets. So very...eclectic. FIREWORKS! they blare on the first line. Then, in rapid succession: KARATE SUPPLIES, SWORDS, KNIVES, STUN GUNS, PEPPER SPRAY! What the hell is going on at these places, anyway? I can just imagine the dialog going on inside: "Hey, uh, can I git me a box of them Roman candles and a pair-a those there nunchucks? And I'd like mebbe that taser, but I ain't sure about it." The counter guy says, "Why, go on out back with it, then! I think my nephew or his Rottweiler is out thar somewhars--jes' try it on one-a them!" Sigh.

Saw this thought-provoking sign on a church--can't recall the denomination--and I can't stop pondering it. It said: What you do is not as important as who you are. How do you feel about that? The odd thing is that I've seen the exact opposite sentiment (Who you are is not as important as what you do) on church signs as well. So I'm thinking and thinking about that sign. It kind of irks me. It really does. It gives all these Fake Christians carte blanche, as far as I'm concerned. You know what I mean, right? These holier-than-thou people who say that they're Christians, but then discriminate against gay people, kill doctors, and picket the funerals of soldiers who died in Afghanistan and Iraq to further their gaybashing agendas. Yikes.

Finally, on a lighter--much--note, upon returning home and finally sleeping soundly in our own bed, Rick forgot (again, it must be noted), to turn off the now-unnecessary alarm. We were rudely and annoyingly awakened by its cacophany. The following scene ensued:

Nance: Oh my God. Is that THE ALARM?
Rick: (turning to shut it off. Finally.) Yeah. Sorry.
Nance: Why the heck is it going off?
Rick: I thought I shut it off.
Nance: Well, apparently, you didn't.
Rick: I said I was sorry. You could have checked and shut it off, too, you know.
Nance: That's not my job.
Rick: I see. And nagging and hollering at me is?
Nance: Yes.
Rick: You're fired.

10 comments:

  1. Nancy8:44 PM

    Nance, we also like to take note of the signs that people have put up along the highways for our amusement and/or education. We suppose these folks are trying to help us through life by sharing their wisdom and sage advice .

    One we especially enjoyed (Read: nearly drove off the road laughing)was along I-95 in South Carolina.

    The person who placed the sign had to park on a narrow shoulder of the busiest highway in America, with trailer trucks,buses and cars zooming by at about 80 MPH. Then he had to slide down the embankment into a dirty water runoff,dodge the snakes, jump across a ravine at the bottom, select a tree and take out the hammer and nail he had carefully carried down the front of his pants.

    Only then could he post the important sign he had with him.

    It was hand printed in pencil on a piece of dark cardboard and read:

    REPENT: THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Church signs are truly some of the most bizarre, and often give too much food for thought. One of my faves was in front of a small local church and said simply:

    "DUSTY BIBLES,
    DIRTY LIVES."

    Hmmmm... like everyone who reads the Bible is livin' clean. (The church sporting this sign, by the way, was in desperate need of a paint job, and had a few weeds growing around the sign post.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love those things, especially when they appear not to know what they're really saying.

    Church:
    DONT LET WORRIES KILL YOU
    LET THE CHURCH HELP

    and two dry cleaners:
    DROP YOUR PANTS HERE AND
    YOU WILL RECEIVE PROMPT ATTENTION

    and

    DOING NOTHING IS VERY HARD TO DO
    YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOURE FINISHED

    Re: the alarm: My kids are finally--but just barely--out of school. One's in summer school (had cancer this year and is making up), but the other dimbulb has a clock capable of three (!) alarms. Somehow it got set for 5:45, 6:00, and 6:15. I had to fly out of bed three times to kill him.

    ReplyDelete
  4. What you do is always more important than who you are, except when you're Michael Jackson.

    BTW, I'd love to read your take on today's MJ goings-on. A gold casket? Brooke Shields? The glittery gloves on the right hands of all the Jackson men-folk (except for a couple who forgot, and wore a glittery glove on the left hand. Or maybe they didn't have enuf righties to go around)?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Melissa B.--You know, I didn't watch any of the MJ Memorial Extravaganza. I was busy puttering in my herb garden, making pestos, organizing the upstairs freezer, and getting a little more sun. I'm sure I'll see highlights for the next few days, though. Sigh. Poor things--at the end of it all, he's still dead.

    sputnik--some signs on churches are pretty clever, but the intentionally smug and condemning ones just frost my cupcakes. i do love the silly signs/headlines that jay leno used to do on his show. re: the alarm situation with your son--i bet he's honestly surprised that you get so upset. sheesh.

    ortizzle--I KNOW! that's what i'm talkin' about. it's just like all those self-righteous republicans who were so quick to preach family values and condemn President Clinton over ML. now look at them all--they can't preach "we all make mistakes; we don't own family values" fast enough. i detest hypocrites.

    Nancy--But if he had gotten hit by a car, he would most certainly have gone to His Great Reward...!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous3:54 AM

    Sounds like the church sign needs to have a bit of clarification. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and will say that one interpretation is that the "what you do" refers to your job (politician, CEO, lawyer, teacher, librarian) and the "who you are" refers to whether your morals/values (honesty, integrity, kindness, etc...).

    *Sigh*..... well..... we can always hope, right?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous--I could have given them the benefit of the doubt as well, but I guess I'm just not so inclined when so many Xians act so damned smug and self-righteous. They're the ones with the signs in their yard; they asked for it. Hmpf.

    ReplyDelete
  8. While traveling to 71 headed to Cbus, I took the scenic route towards Ashland. Along the way, I saw a bumper sticker that had a picture of Uncle Sam stating "I want YOU to speak English now!" Looking at the car and the other bumper stickers surrounding this one, I immediately heard the car owner's thought processes when purchasing said bumper sticker which might have sounded something like this:
    "Man, I like them there bumper sticker. Them damn ignorant furriners need to learn them some English. I'm thinkin after I've et lunch and drunk me some lemondade, I'll get me that there sticker."

    ReplyDelete
  9. Susan--Don't I know it. I know that I probably think too much about this sort of thing, but darn it, someone has to.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wait a minute. I thought that "who you are" is dictated by "what you do" (actions) rather than "what you say". Now I'm really confused.

    ReplyDelete

Oh, thank you for joining the fray!

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