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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Back To Life; Back To Reality


It's over. I have returned. I vastly overpacked but wore all three pairs of shoes. My wardrobe was appropriate, but my hair (thanks to an abundance of humidity) looked terrible every single moment except for the first evening's play, where I considered asking them to keep the house lights up so that everyone could appreciate it--my hair, I mean--but decided it would be vain. After all, the audience had gathered there to see a professional performance of George Bernard Shaw's Mrs. Warren's Profession, not my coif.
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On the way to Canada, the following dialog took place:
Me: Hey, did you see that?
Rick: What?
Me: There was a guy standing on top of that water tower!
Rick: Did he have a gun?
Me: No...
Rick: Then don't worry about it.
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Approximately three blocks from our house, we discovered that we had left for our four-hour trip without amassing any CDs to listen to. Rick said, "Oh, don't worry. I grabbed some out of my truck." There was a long moment of silence as Jared and I absorbed this news. I turned to the back seat and exchanged a horror-laden glance with him. "What?" Rick said defensively. "Nothing," we assured him. But we knew what we were in for. Rick's musical taste is...eclectic in the extreme. And his CD collection consists of burned discs of not names, but graphics like a blue Sharpie cloud scribbled on it, or a red Sharpie cloud scrawled on it, or the dreaded blank CDs which are like reaching into a grab-bag and drawing out a prize wrapped in tissue paper: you have no clue what might be inside. Thus, we immediately instituted a Two-Skip Invocation Rule, whereby anyone in the car can invoke two skips. If a song comes on that a listener cannot abide, he or she can simply state "Skip", and Rick (who has audio system controls on the steering wheel--I know, how cool is MY NEW CAR!?) will simply skip that track, no questions asked. Well, let me tell you...we had a wild, unconventional potpourri of Earth, Wind & Fire, Keith Urban, Carl Orff, Wang Chung, Eminem, Wayne Wonder, Seal, Edwin Starr, The Cars, oh...the list is endless and incredible. He tried to sneak some Kid Rock and Alan Jackson in there, but I invoked. Oooh, baby, did I invoke. All I can say is, thank heavens for Blue Cloud Disc. Wait...or was it Red Scribble? Never mind.
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Things got a little sketchy at the border coming home. I am all about BORDER SECURITY. I really am. And I realize that, perhaps, four and a half cases of wine seems like a lot for just four people after only a long weekend. I do. But really, isn't asking, "What are you going to do with 50 bottles of wine?" kind of...dumb? And disingenuous? And did the Customs Officer have to preface his question with "Oh my God! That's like...fifty bottles!" Geeze.

Trying to make me feel bad.

17 comments:

  1. If only border control actually did a good job, I wouldn't mind them being complete assholes. But since it doesn't, I find their lack of common sense thoroughly offensive.

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  2. Welcome back. Which wineries did you get your many bottles from? We can always use recommendations.

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  3. V-Grrrl9:07 PM

    Nance,

    All you had to do was say "I teach high school" and they completely would have understood the 50 bottles of wine.

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  4. All I have to say is, At least I remembered CDs. NO ONE ELSE DID.
    As far as your hair, You looked great all weekend

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  5. I'm glad you've made it back from your trip! Did you have a good time? What did you see along the way?

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  6. Nance~Awe, how sweet is you hubby to say that you looked great all weekend?!?!

    I would pay some serious money to be a witness to you listening to Eminem.

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  7. One time at the border, the armed guard peered into the back seat and asked "Are these your children?" Like they don't look EXACTLY like us! Once we were on our way again, The Boy said "I almost yelled Help Me! I don't know who these people are!" Thankfully he was way too shy back then to actually do it--but that he THOUGHT to do it...

    Did you have to slip your guard a bottle to get through with all the rest?

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  8. j.--during the summers, when my tan is deep, i always get hassled (read: profiled) when i fly. i get pulled out of the line, wanded, etc. at the border to/from Canada, the agent sometimes asks me to repeat my country of citizenship. they're very diligent, and that's fine, but some of the questions are a bit intrusive, i think. i'd rather have slipped him a bottle!

    nina--yeah, yeah. i marked down a few points for him in my Journal Of Keeping Score. ...and just how much money are we talkin'?

    ck--had a lovely time. never see much "along the way" that's worth talking about. except endless construction, which i'm convinced They do on purpose to piss me off.

    rick--i know, i know. and we appreciate you. and thanks for the compliment, even though i know you're just saying that. LOL.

    v-grrrl--HOW TRUE! GOOD ONE!!!

    nancy in a2--are you going up to N-o-t-l? or is Meeeeeeshegan much more liberal in its wine laws than crappy Ohio, which prohibits wine to be shipped in? I'll be posting a little Jaunt Roundup next, so stay tuned.

    mikey--you know, rarely do we get hardasses both coming and going, but this time we seemed to get agents who were bucking for Customs Agent Of The Year. Sigh. oh well.

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  9. Welcome back, and cheers. Was it the Shaw Festival?

    As for the wine, I'm sure they've seen worse. And at least you wewre obvious and honest. Once my mom-in-law went on a coach tour with a bunch of other retired ladies and their bus got raided and they got fined for buying too much at the outlets and not declaring.

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  10. Oh yes, trip music! I think that I would have forgotten it for our upcoming (and longer!) drive. And I'd say an eclectic mix is better than just a mix of say, country. Or just rap. *shudder*

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  11. Nance, it seems like you just left! Not a long enough break for sure ... well, other than the music factor. LOL I love that you and your son exchanged looks. Our son and I do that, too. (Although admittedly, I am not fond of son's music either.) My hubby has an eclectic mix on his iPod, which is bad enough, but then he insists on playing it (through the radio) in sequential fashion. Of course, that means if it's Stevie Nicks (yes, you heard me right), it's going to be Stevie Nicks's entire CD. And, he has several of hers on his iPod. Groan. Son calls her sheep woman. (You gotta admit she does sound like one often.) I don't do the Skip Invocation ... I just say "OMG, no, I can't take that one!" He complies because I don't utter the words too often, and Stevie usualy gets banished before she sings a full sentence.

    I believe your husband when he says you looked good. We are always too hard on ourselve.

    Border security ... if only you could have said, "Here's your sign." (A la one of the blue collar comedy club--don't know all their names.) You should have told him that's only about 10 days worth in your house!! LMAO (Sorry, had to say it.)

    No comments on the performance? Hope it was enjoyable.

    Anyway, welcome home!

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  12. shirley--what, you didn't MISS ME?!
    my husband is a huge Stevie fan as well, and i can take pretty much 90% of her music, being as I am such a child of the 80s myself, but my objection to her is her horrid lyrics. so nonsensical and unimaginative and random. i maintain that Rick's big attraction to her was her looks (read BOOBS).

    jenomena--i am all about The Mix, but come ON. some of Rick's stuff is just plain Endurance Test On A Disc. Urk.

    sputnik--yes, the Shaw Fest. we go up every year for at least one weekend, sometimes two or three. and we never lie at the border. we're just big ole chickens.

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  13. Okay...my face hurts from laughing. I love it when Customs Officers leave their normal,"Where were you born" seriousness and freak out like that. I am glad you are back. I'm glad you got all the wine back.

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  14. I think what he meant was, "You need to go visit J if you have that much wine in your car..."

    Right?

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  15. Nancy5:35 PM

    G.B.Shaw really took on society and the injustices of his time in "Mrs. Warren'Profession",didn't he?

    I imagine that the play was very controversial at the time and caused quite a stir in "Polite society".

    Happy that you and your family had a nice vacation and glad that your hair looked nice part of the time and that your husband thought it looked nice all of the time.

    He sounds like a good guy to me.

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  16. V-grrrl is right. In fact, the guards might have offered to go back and get 50 MORE bottles for you.

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  17. apathy l.--and i would have taken it!

    nancy--he's one of the good guys, yeah. MOST of the time. lol. GBS's plays are still pretty topical, much like Miller's in that way. but there are times that Shaw gets awfully preachy in his earlier stuff, and this one had some major windy speeches at the ends of acts one and two. not very light.

    j.--oh, he may have, but the Niagara region wines aren't as high in alcohol content as the Cali wines. you guys get all that scorching--yikes, no pun intended--hot weather, and the Ontario vines are in far more temperate climate. their reds aren't as "chewy".

    laura--tee hee. we are always hauling wine back. it's ridiculous how much we have! you should see our basement. it's absolutely a CELLAR now. i have a feeling we'll be drinking a lot more dinners now.

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