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Monday, March 24, 2008

Pillow Talk From The Marriage Bed


**Scene Opens**

Interior of Rick and Nance's bedroom. They are in bed. As last scene of "Medium" flickers to a close and endless litany of pre-news commercials begins, Nance shifts to pre-sleep comfort position in which she lies on her side facing Rick in fetal position, bony knees jabbing into his side, shins carefully touching him for warmth. Slyly, she slides the remote control onto his chest, thereby abdicating all responsibility for volume, sleep-timing, and anything else television-related should they not make it through the entire newscast. Again.

Rick: (sighs, then suddenly draws his breath in with a sharp gasp as if in pain)

Nance: What!? What!? What did I do?

Rick: (with real effort) Nothing! I have a terrible cramp in my foot! OW!

Nance: Well, geeze! I thought it was something really horrible the way you were acting.

Rick: Nance, this really hurts!

Nance: I'm sorry. I'm sure it does. What should I do?

Rick: It's almost gone now. God! That's just horrible. It would be nice if you would rub my foot.

Nance: (look of revulsion) It's not like you can't just pop down there and reach it yourself.

Rick: (look of pained amusement) I would rub yours, you know. I have rubbed yours. And not because they hurt, either. Just because I'm a nice guy.

Nance: I know, and that's very nice of you. Thank you.

Rick: What if I was dying? What if I was dying, and the only way to save my life was for you to rub my feet? Then what?

Nance: (pause) Then that would be rough. You might die--

Rick: (incredulous, interrupts) You have got to be kidding me! Are you telling me right now that if I was dying--

Nance: (interrupts, calmly) You didn't let me finish. I was going to say if they let me wear gloves or put plastic baggies on my hands, then I would do it. This isn't fair. You know how I hate feet.

Rick: No. No. No plastic bags or gloves. It has to be bare hands or I die. That's just the way it is for some reason. Now what?

Nance: (pause) Now you're just making shit up to piss me off. I would try probably. I would try, but you might die. There. Why do you insist on making me say things that just end up hurting you in the long run. Now turn off the tv and go to sleep. We've missed the weather.

**End Scene**

22 comments:

  1. That is such a girly thing that he pulled on you! I thought only women did that kind of thing! :P

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  2. Those cramps are horrid, but I've heard you might be able to avoid the foot rubbing if he eats more potassium. So have him eat more bananas, and hopefully you'll be fine. :)

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  3. Oh man I am the same way. Don't make me save lives by touching feet I would let everyone die. GUHROSSSS I have a hard enough time having feet myself.

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  4. Well, I am guilty of asking for a foot rub. But out of bed, and with socks on. I will also give foot rubs if the victim is wearing socks.

    So... who got to turn off the T.V.? lol.

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  5. OMG, I almost peed in my pants reading this scene! We've had VERY similar conversations. I am the receiver of some his very best foot rubs ... I do not return the favor. Can't imagine rubbing his feet. Ugh. How does that make sense? Well, my feet are so much nicer than his, of course. I love the man, but ...

    When you are having one of those cramps, if you flex your foot towards you, it goes away more quickly. It is a vitamin deficiency though like j said. I hear potassium mentioned a lot, but I think I've read that magnesium can also be a factor. And, this old remedy works ... place a bar of soap under the bottom sheet near where the feet would be. Prevents restless legs and cramping. They say that it works best with Irish Springs. It's really no different than wearing a copper or magnesium bracelet and absorbing what you need from them.

    Fabulous photo! Love Medium! The "Popeye" bunny rocks!

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  6. I am lucky that Hubbo has very ticklish feet. If I try to touch his feet, he kicks like an ostrich. I love a good foot rub. Nice headstone, btw.

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  7. I love Medium! And it was especially good tonight. Funny scene. I guess you'll find out the weather tomorrow. ; )

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  8. Happy Tuesday, Nance! I hope everyone slept well after Medium and the spooky feet thing... ;)

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  9. ck--i'm on break, so we watched "Medium" and the news in the living room. (i think he nodded off a few times in his recliner. LOL)

    anali--i'm so sick of the weather here lately. just cold and more cold. snow on the ground. feh. i'm ready to slit my wrists.

    nancy in A2--i'm always pleasantly surprised when searching for graphics for my posts. this one seemed particularly apt.

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  10. potu--oh boy, that comment did not sit nicely with Rick.

    j@jellyjules--bananas are on board. although, that doesn't seem to be a factor. they happen relatively infrequently and randomly.

    hmf--ditto on everything you said!! i adore baby feet and animal paws, but forget the rest. i abhor flipflop season, which is fast approaching. nothing is more hideous than standing in front of my classes and having a roomful of teen feet. ACK!

    ortizzle--i never ask for a foot rub. he just does it. i'll let you figure it out from there. and that night, HE turned off the tv. lol. (he usually does.)

    shirley--i've read the soap remedy many times. it's so very odd, isn't it? i'll try it if he goes off again. but it happens so very rarely. thanks for being a loyal Sidebar Bunny Appreciator.

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  11. My Hubby isn't a big fan of "Medium", but that's ok... I'm not that excited about "How It's Made", either... ;)

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  12. I won't touch the man's feet for anything! But, he does not give very good foot rubs, so I don't ask either. It's a nice mutual hands-off policy. If I need a good foot rub, I go and get a pedicure!

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  13. Anonymous11:50 PM

    Looove that headstone!

    plain jane

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  14. Y'all are so ROMANTIC! Seriously, I'm in awe. OK, really seriously, that totally sounds like a conversation at our house. My husband has given up on asking me to rub lotion on his feet. Gah! But he can rub lotion on my feet. That's TOTALLY different.

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  15. Hee! Oh, to be a fly on your wall, as I'm sure you have many priceless conversations like this!

    And a bunny note--I got a stuffed bunny from work on Easter, and he's my new desk buddy. Just trying to help the bunny plight!

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  16. jenomena--i'm still lobbying for a real bunny (unsuccessfully, of course). every little bit helps with Bunny Awareness!

    mrs. who--some things are just NOT romantic. feet...top of the list.

    plain jane--it's pretty grim, isn't it? yuck.

    j.--i cannot imagine a pedicure. there is no way i'm showing the entire foot to a stranger. NO WAY.

    ck--sometimes, i swear rick stops at the most hideously boring shows just to irritate me. once, we watched an entire show about earth-moving equipment. i kid you not. who greenlighted that show to begin with? a male toddler? geeze.

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  17. Sometimes I wish we could all just forget the fact that we have feet. It is nice that you have joint shows you can watch. The one show my husband and I always bonded over, when we could keep our eyes open long enough to watch it, was The Daily Show. Tivo is the best invention and yet also the starter of more arguments in our house. Who had the most things on the Season Pass? How stupid is it to have a marathon of Modern Marvels set to record when he had seen about 3/4? Why do they even tape those stupid shows? and on and on. Now I am reduced to arguing with children over who has tivo "rights"...

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  18. I once watched a PENGUIN DOCUMENTARY because I kept hoping he would change the channel.

    Good Lord. We married the same man... ;)

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  19. circus kelli--a friend once told me they are all the same man ... just in different bodies. LOL

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  20. laura--rick doesn't really "watch" Medium. he merely tolerates it. we do watch the various incarnations of Law & Order together, and he's finally learned to like The Office. We used to "date watch" that show about commercial fishermen called The Deadliest Catch.

    ck--I loved the penguin documentary. honestly. didn't you watch March of the Penguins?

    shirley--i don't believe that for a minute. some men are just hideous--big-mouthed, talking incessantly about cars, NASCAR drivers, guns,voting republican, and thinking "culture" means eating at the Olive Garden. rick is far from that. gotta give him his credit. (he reads the Dept. and the comments!!)

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  21. I know, Nance ... seriously, my hubby is his own man, too, and often somewhat of a Renaissance man to me :), but occasionally, just occasionally, there are those common denominators ... LOL.

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  22. V-Grrrl5:31 PM

    Feet issues--ugh. Another thing we have in common--along with husbands that make us choose between saying mean things or LYING.

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